a dose of TRUTH...
WOW. SOOOO much has happened to me this past year. It's like hard to even know where to begin because I don't really remember where I left off. So in a nutshell...
This past year (Jr. Year) was pretty crappy for me. I went through hell. The beginning of the year started off pretty well..then after about a month of school..not even, I went back into the hospital for about two months. I met some great people who I still keep in touch with. Anyway, when I got back to school things were really different. I was out of the loop with things related to school as well as friends. Especially friends.
The year progressed and I got more and more self-conscious and was so depressed that I couldn't be how I wanted to be or look how I wanted to look..that I started making realllyyyy bad decisions. To sum it up, I basically did alot of stupid things, however a lot of them weren't even in my control..
Frankly, I don't care who knows, because I know a lot of people do...So I'm just gonna be honest about it..I have an eating disorder (ED)...I've had it for a little over a year now. At times "ED" can be my best friends...and at times its my worst enemy. In the beginning, I thought I was just dieting, but it got out of control and it kind of took control of me..to put it one way. I was diagnosed with anorexia and hospitalized over the summer for about 2 and a half weeks...When i got out, I swore I was "fixed"..that was the FURTHEST thing from the truth. I was in worse shape coming out than going in..I lost all the weight I gained back and then some...which is why I went back in like..a little over a month later. During school, especially after drama ended, I was so depressed that I just didnt care about myself or my body..I went through a cycle of starving, bingeing, and sometimes binge/purging...I was told this would probably happen, but didnt think it would...I was SOOOO wrong..
Anyway thats why I'm writing this entry...
I know I gained alot of weight, and Im more self conscious and upset than I ever have been in my life. Ive gone to the gym countless times this summer, and it seems like no matter what I do, im gonna be not satisfied with myself..
Well theres that, and you can comment or not....im not asking you to care or even pretend to care. Thats just the truth..Im sooo tired of pretending im ok, and things are fine....
Im NOT ok and things ARENT fine..
<3 jen
This past year (Jr. Year) was pretty crappy for me. I went through hell. The beginning of the year started off pretty well..then after about a month of school..not even, I went back into the hospital for about two months. I met some great people who I still keep in touch with. Anyway, when I got back to school things were really different. I was out of the loop with things related to school as well as friends. Especially friends.
The year progressed and I got more and more self-conscious and was so depressed that I couldn't be how I wanted to be or look how I wanted to look..that I started making realllyyyy bad decisions. To sum it up, I basically did alot of stupid things, however a lot of them weren't even in my control..
Frankly, I don't care who knows, because I know a lot of people do...So I'm just gonna be honest about it..I have an eating disorder (ED)...I've had it for a little over a year now. At times "ED" can be my best friends...and at times its my worst enemy. In the beginning, I thought I was just dieting, but it got out of control and it kind of took control of me..to put it one way. I was diagnosed with anorexia and hospitalized over the summer for about 2 and a half weeks...When i got out, I swore I was "fixed"..that was the FURTHEST thing from the truth. I was in worse shape coming out than going in..I lost all the weight I gained back and then some...which is why I went back in like..a little over a month later. During school, especially after drama ended, I was so depressed that I just didnt care about myself or my body..I went through a cycle of starving, bingeing, and sometimes binge/purging...I was told this would probably happen, but didnt think it would...I was SOOOO wrong..
Anyway thats why I'm writing this entry...
I know I gained alot of weight, and Im more self conscious and upset than I ever have been in my life. Ive gone to the gym countless times this summer, and it seems like no matter what I do, im gonna be not satisfied with myself..
Well theres that, and you can comment or not....im not asking you to care or even pretend to care. Thats just the truth..Im sooo tired of pretending im ok, and things are fine....
Im NOT ok and things ARENT fine..
<3 jen