Hope you find yourself in a low place like home

[icouldfakeit]

William was all mad at me still. I didn't know why, he doesn't make alot of sense. Think he's still mad cause I didn't kill her. If he thought he could do better he should go kill her. Stupid....vampire. Thought he knew everything but he wasn't the only one that talked to me. Nope. Spike thought he was my only friend but he didn't know anything.

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[broody_manpire]

She's a vampire Slayer, she means she used to be a vampire Slayer. She was just a vampire now, and one that was going to go after Faith again eventually. I couldn't allow her to hurt Faith or Wes or anyone again, the short time I've been here I've become invested in all these humans. Probably something she didn't get being dead now, who knows what she got actually because she was walking me in circles with her insanity.

"I have to go? Who told you? Who are they?" I asked in slight confusion as she totally redirected the conversation from wanting to kill me to wanting to go to the Bronze. What the hell happened to this girl to make her like she was? I could see death in her eyes but not from killing as a vampire, something broke her before she was turned. She looked at me oddly and set her stake down but all about round housed me backward when I tried to get a closer look at her.

"Easy, I'm not here to hurt you." I said holding my hands up as she started rambling again. "Do what here, and no one around to eat? Are you alright Buffy? William isn't harming you is he? If he is he shouldn't be, you're special and need to be handled very carefully. You know that right? I could help keep you safe if you would trust me." Trying to gain her trust would be like ramming my head into a brick wall every two point three seconds but I had to try. Had to try for Faith who I knew was concerned and confused about Buffy.

[icouldfakeit]

I started laughing cause really he was pretty funny. He wanted to be friends? I didn't really have any friends I know that I should want them and I do but...we couldn't be friends. Nope. Not now. He ruined everything. Things were supposed to be different but he just had to show up and yeah, things weren't supposed to be like this.

"You wanna kill me." I tilted my head slightly and I wasn't laughing anymore even though he was pretty funny. "You don't wanna help me. You never wanted to. I don't like you very much. You're all wrong. You know? You're supposed to eat people and stuff...but you don't even do that right. But okay if you really wanna help me we can go get Faith and kill her too."

He wouldn't do it really I knew that but it would be okay if he did. Because it would be alot easier if he came too. But I could it on my own I was way stronger now. I was scary. Cause I was really strong before and now I was even stronger and not even Angel could take me now. Nope. He thought he could before but that was cause he had me in the stupid chains and now he wasn't going to go for my idea at all. I could tell. He was a broken vampire, so I should just stake him.

"I had her first you know." I said smartly, watching him careful. They always underestimated me because I wasn't her but they shouldn't cause now I'm more. I know. "She's more mine than she's ever been yours."

I watched him blankly and when he made the move I grabbed his arm and used his own weight to throw him backwards before grabbing the stake out of my waistband and lunging at him. No more talking. Time for staking.

[broody_manpire]

Why did she think I wanted to kill her? If I wanted to kill her I would have done it while I had her chained and in one spot, didn't she get that? I guess not considering she probably had Cheerios floating around in her brain by now. I just listened to her and watched her very carefully, she had a sway to her at times that made her even more Drusilla like. I learned early on to never take my eyes off my once upon a time dark Princess.

She threw me slightly off guard when she just announced that she'd had her first and how she was more hers than mine. I tipped my head carefully and just kept watching her, she was trying to prove something but what she was trying to prove I wasn't so clear on. She looked like she was going to pounce me so I made a move to grab her arm to twist it and at least disarm her but failed. I landed up on my back with her flying at me with a sharp stake, vampire's worst nightmare.

"Buffy listen to me-" I grunted out as I struggled with her, keeping her fistful of stake away from me with one hand. The other hand was avoiding the blows she was trying to land on me. I flipped my weight at the right moment and suddenly she was beneath me and I'd twisted the stake out of her grip and threw it as far as I could into a wooded area. "I understand she was yours before mine, that's why we have to keep her safe and alive. She misses you..." Her eyes flashed in disbelief, "no, she does... even if she doesn't say it I can feel it. She doesn't want to hurt you, she wants to help you be better. We both do, I made a mistake before and tried to trick you."

She stilled beneath me listening intently but taking it all in as lies more than likely, even though I was being truthful and honest here. She didn't know though, or even understand ... at least I didn't think she did.

"Will you let me help you?" I asked quietly as I felt a fist plow me right in the nose, a snap cracked across the grassy area we were in. "Guess that means no? Why won't you listen to me? What is floating around in that head of yours?"

[icouldfakeit]

Safe and alive? I watched him carefully but he was just telling more lies. Yep. I knew that. Lies like before, lies even more now. That's okay. I'm evil now, I lied all the time. Angel was evil too but Faith was too stupid to look hard enough. Just like William. But I was good anyways cause sometimes if you just go really still under them they think they hurt you and they get off really quick. Which like didn't happen anymore cause nothing can hurt me. Not really.

I hit him hard and then rolled away from him before getting up again. He made me lose my stake! Where was it? Stupid Angel! He made me lose my stake. That was probably his plan the whole time but that was okay cause I could kill him without a stake.

"It's not for her you know! Not everything is for her! It's not for me. It's them. They told me to kill you. I'd kill you anyways cause I don't like you very much but I have to now. Get it?"

He didn't get it, not at all but that was okay. He didn't have to. He just had to die. And then I had to kill William and Faith too. Three. He thought that I didn't know anything but I did. I had plans. I'd make friends. I'd do anything and stuff because I could.

"You ruined my plans before, remember? I sent a surprise and I almost had her but you had to butt in. That's okay, I have alot of surprises left." I said as I took a few steps backwards.

[broody_manpire]

I wiped my bloody nose across my sleeve and just stared at her as she talked nonsense, she really was totally insane which didn't help matters. You can't reason with a crazy person, learned that a long time ago and much harder than what she was handing to me. She was frantically looking for her stake, she wasn't going to find it. I didn't understand what she was saying, who were they?

"Buffy, I didn't understand before. I didn't think about how she was yours first. I was selfish but it doesn't have to be like that anymore." I followed her slowly as she backed up, she tripped and went down hard. I moved up and offered her a hand up, which surprisingly she took. "See... I can be different if you help me understand. Tell me who they are, maybe I can help you sort things out."

I didn't like this whole surprises talk, she was dangerous despite being totally insane. Deadly combonation when it came down to the wire, I had to try to keep her calm and figure out what the hell was going on. I wasn't sure I'd even understand after she told me though. I guess I could always go beat it out of stupid little Willy.

[icouldfakeit]

He's not different. I didn't know why he thought he could trick me. Maybe we could go and kill someone together and then I'd believe him but he wasn't going to do that. He couldn't be different. He was always the same. I just wanted him to shut his...stupid mouth! Shut up!

He's a liar.

"You're a liar! And...you wanna kill me." I shoved him hard which really I couldn't be too mad at him for wanting to kill me cause I wanted to kill him too. Like, alot.

"You can show me different when you kill her. I'll believe you then, but even if you do that? You still have to die." I shrugged cause it wasn't really up to me. They told me he had to die and it was just more fun cause I didn't really like him at all. Even if he did kill Faith, which he wouldn't.

I was hungry now. We shouldn't have done it here. I should have gone to the Bronze. Get a snack. Kill Angel. Then William. Then Faith. Or something. I didn't know. They didn't give an order, I was just gonna do Angel now cause he was here.

"I have things to do, so you should go....somewhere else. We can do this later. I'll kill you then."

I had to have a plan. William was gonna be mad about this. Yep. But we'd make a plan and then we'd come for them both.

[broody_manpire]

She shoved me back calling me a liar when I was anything but, but she wasn't going to ever understand that. I could come for them and kill them both at any time and had I? No. Did I stop her from killing Faith and Wesley? Yes I did but still I didn't kill her, no one has tried to kill her as of yet. Didn't she get that? Probably not.

"I'll never kill her, just like I'll never kill you. I won't kill you unless you harm Faith... and like you said earlier she's more yours than mine. You care for her you don't want to kill her, someone is telling you to but you don't have to listen Buffy!" I tried pleading with her one last time as she started to back up again telling me I should leave. She'll kill me later.

"Buffy please listen to me, I want to help you." I said as honestly as I could, useless. "What things do you have to do? Things they tell you, who are they Buffy?" I was getting slightly frustrated with her.

[icouldfakeit]

I shook my head. He still didn't understand. Maybe it's cause of who I am or who I used to be and yeah. He didn't know. He couldn't hear the things that they had to say. Those were just for me. Well, I shared them with the others but really I didn't know who the others were anymore. Besides Faith. She didn't hear the voices the same way I did though. Except Angel wasn't dead so maybe she did.

"No. It's not that easy, Angel. You have to kill me, I'll kill them all if you don't. I'll kill everybody. William doesn't have plans, but I do. I don't like this place anymore, I want it to be different. I'll make it different."

He was right. I don't have to listen to the voices anymore. That was why I hated everything so much. Why it wasn't good enough. Cause I wouldn't listen. But I was gonna listen now, to my own voice. I'd make friends. I didn't need them.

"You're right. Thank you." I said as I slammed my fist hard into his face. He fell over and I ran real fast. Too fast for him to keep up with and I was gone.

You didn't kill him. Now he's going to kill you.

"I won't give you three!" I yelled as I fell to my knees in the middle of a cemetary near the motel. "You can't tell me what to do anymore!"