Paths
*cynical* Life is a journey . . .
but not the kind were you plan and choose where to go.
more like stepping blindly in the dark with paths, choices, jumping up in front of us at every turn. most of us are compelled to move forward and sometimes the path we have to walk is clear, inevitable but so distasteful and filled with pain that we hesitate before going on. hesitated to reflex, maybe feel sorry for ourselves and God willing gather, fortify ourselves for what lays ahead . . .
my son asked to move in with his dad and there was nothing to say but "ok". my head is filed with thoughts of how empty that huge place in my heart, that is his, will be. wondering how he will change when he is away from me. questioning the people he will be around that are going to influence these changes.
always the doubt "what if this is the wrong decision? what if I let him go and something bad happens?"
as hard as it is to make changes and decisions about my own life, trying to make the right ones with my kids is so much harder.
*deep sad sigh*
can't seem to help but go back to wishing I had picked a better father for my children. but it doesn't work that way and those feelings just circle back around on themselves and lead nowhere.
there really is no other path to walk on this one. just have to go down it.
*lonely, afraid . . . starts to walk . . . *
but not the kind were you plan and choose where to go.
more like stepping blindly in the dark with paths, choices, jumping up in front of us at every turn. most of us are compelled to move forward and sometimes the path we have to walk is clear, inevitable but so distasteful and filled with pain that we hesitate before going on. hesitated to reflex, maybe feel sorry for ourselves and God willing gather, fortify ourselves for what lays ahead . . .
my son asked to move in with his dad and there was nothing to say but "ok". my head is filed with thoughts of how empty that huge place in my heart, that is his, will be. wondering how he will change when he is away from me. questioning the people he will be around that are going to influence these changes.
always the doubt "what if this is the wrong decision? what if I let him go and something bad happens?"
as hard as it is to make changes and decisions about my own life, trying to make the right ones with my kids is so much harder.
*deep sad sigh*
can't seem to help but go back to wishing I had picked a better father for my children. but it doesn't work that way and those feelings just circle back around on themselves and lead nowhere.
there really is no other path to walk on this one. just have to go down it.
*lonely, afraid . . . starts to walk . . . *