Cause Then You'll See My Heart in the Saddest State it's Ever Been
So, I am so fucking sick I can barely talk. This is the worst kind of sick, next to not being able to eat. I'd rather eat than talk any day.
I feel awful, I've called out of work twice this week and left early today.
And note to self: don't expect to be given things that you haven't worked for.
What really sucks is that I'll be quiet for a while and forget that I can't talk, and then someone will say something to me and I'll try to yell back and I can't and everything comes out as a squeak. Bleah.
My Christmas was okay. I don't want to sound bitter, but I spent all of my money and all my energy getting great, original gifts for everyone, and I really got like... the shaft. I got about a thousand gift certificates, a bed set that I'll never use because I just bought one a month ago that was really expensive, a portable DVD player that I didn't want, a box of truffles that I won't ever eat, and a pair of leather gloves that don't fit. My parents are returning the DVD player and buying my a North Face jacket, so I guess that's pretty good. It just kind of sucked to be disappointed. Rob's family was awesome though, hahaha. He got me a gold Claddaugh ring with a diamond in the heart. :o) And his parents got me penguin pajamas, and God I love penguins.
But anyway.
So 2005 sucked. It started off okay, but then I sort of tripped over my proverbial self and didn't get back up for a while. Sort of like trying to run with your legs three feet behind your head... I made a lot of mistakes, but I guess I also learned a lot, as dumb as that sounds.
I was in college, then I wasn't in college, and then I went back to college somewhere else, and then hey... I did okay, and then well, I failed again, and I had a job and then I quit and got a new one, I had a few friends and then I had more and now not so much, I had some family and then lost touch with a few but now I've got plenty, and hey... I think I'm starting to get the hang of this living my life thing.
I spent way too much of this year depressed and indecisive. I cried way too much over things that just shouldn't matter. If it makes me that upset, it shouldn't be a part of my life. I also realized I've spent way too much of my life being afraid to do what I really want. So no more of that. Cause hey, I don't want to be the scared quiet little girl. That's not who I am.
I guess I'm a little disappointed in myself for all the mistakes I made, but I guess that's allowed. I'm also thankful for the family that I found, and the friends that I'm finding again, and the opportunities that I'm just now starting to see. Oh yeah, and Rob. Cause well... he's just amazing. :o)
So here's to 2006. I'm not going to make a list of the resolutions I'm making, because there are a lot of them, but I don't think I'm going to tell anyone because they're just for me. I guess I just resolve to work harder at everything.
And now I'm going to go get drunk. :o)
Until next year...
This one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away
I feel awful, I've called out of work twice this week and left early today.
And note to self: don't expect to be given things that you haven't worked for.
What really sucks is that I'll be quiet for a while and forget that I can't talk, and then someone will say something to me and I'll try to yell back and I can't and everything comes out as a squeak. Bleah.
My Christmas was okay. I don't want to sound bitter, but I spent all of my money and all my energy getting great, original gifts for everyone, and I really got like... the shaft. I got about a thousand gift certificates, a bed set that I'll never use because I just bought one a month ago that was really expensive, a portable DVD player that I didn't want, a box of truffles that I won't ever eat, and a pair of leather gloves that don't fit. My parents are returning the DVD player and buying my a North Face jacket, so I guess that's pretty good. It just kind of sucked to be disappointed. Rob's family was awesome though, hahaha. He got me a gold Claddaugh ring with a diamond in the heart. :o) And his parents got me penguin pajamas, and God I love penguins.
But anyway.
So 2005 sucked. It started off okay, but then I sort of tripped over my proverbial self and didn't get back up for a while. Sort of like trying to run with your legs three feet behind your head... I made a lot of mistakes, but I guess I also learned a lot, as dumb as that sounds.
I was in college, then I wasn't in college, and then I went back to college somewhere else, and then hey... I did okay, and then well, I failed again, and I had a job and then I quit and got a new one, I had a few friends and then I had more and now not so much, I had some family and then lost touch with a few but now I've got plenty, and hey... I think I'm starting to get the hang of this living my life thing.
I spent way too much of this year depressed and indecisive. I cried way too much over things that just shouldn't matter. If it makes me that upset, it shouldn't be a part of my life. I also realized I've spent way too much of my life being afraid to do what I really want. So no more of that. Cause hey, I don't want to be the scared quiet little girl. That's not who I am.
I guess I'm a little disappointed in myself for all the mistakes I made, but I guess that's allowed. I'm also thankful for the family that I found, and the friends that I'm finding again, and the opportunities that I'm just now starting to see. Oh yeah, and Rob. Cause well... he's just amazing. :o)
So here's to 2006. I'm not going to make a list of the resolutions I'm making, because there are a lot of them, but I don't think I'm going to tell anyone because they're just for me. I guess I just resolve to work harder at everything.
And now I'm going to go get drunk. :o)
Until next year...
This one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away