Should have went in the other direction.
I'm stuck at home again. Going to the doctors later today. Hopefully what ever they give me this time will get rid of what ever I have.
It's all overcast and it's kind of cold out so I don't want to go out.
I haven't been sleeping again, partly because I can only breath through my mouth lol and I have been having what would be my regular dreams again. My subconscious likes to torture me. This is the second time I have had a dream about prom which that is fine the problem is it starts off with me looking for someone, I am walking through the crowd and someone wraps me up in a huge hug. It is my friend Avery, I say how I had been looking for him. We dance and talk and we are having a great time but then it starts to get dark at the dance and I feel really panicked I have Avery in a death grip because somehow I know someone is coming to take him away from me again. These people come in and they are searching so we run to an other part of the building they corner us and drag him away and I am left crying by myself in the dark. The dream gets more intense and more elaborate each time I have it. Hate dreams like those...and this may seem twisted but I prefer the ones where I die over that.
I should have went in the other direction in sixth grade when I saw this loud obnoxious kid in the library. Instead I walk over and he ends up being my first "boyfriend". We were more of a couple in later years then when we actually went out haha.
I miss him so much I still have an other seven months before I can see him again. I hate him being up state and not close, but him being in the detention center is probably best. I just hope that this time he really wants to change. We have been through a lot together. I am so afraid that if he doesn't change his ways I will lose him.
The last time I saw him I wouldn't follow him outside, I could tell he wanted me to he had that pleading look. I honestly can not say why I didn't follow him. It broke what little bit of an enabling relationship we had, so it was for the best. He looked so sad though. I feel horrible because where he is now I can write to him but I am afraid that if I do it will ruin any of the progress he has made.
This was not meant to be a go on about Avery journal....I guess I needed to get it out though. Sorry it is so jumbled as well.
He and I are one huge disaster.
It's all overcast and it's kind of cold out so I don't want to go out.
I haven't been sleeping again, partly because I can only breath through my mouth lol and I have been having what would be my regular dreams again. My subconscious likes to torture me. This is the second time I have had a dream about prom which that is fine the problem is it starts off with me looking for someone, I am walking through the crowd and someone wraps me up in a huge hug. It is my friend Avery, I say how I had been looking for him. We dance and talk and we are having a great time but then it starts to get dark at the dance and I feel really panicked I have Avery in a death grip because somehow I know someone is coming to take him away from me again. These people come in and they are searching so we run to an other part of the building they corner us and drag him away and I am left crying by myself in the dark. The dream gets more intense and more elaborate each time I have it. Hate dreams like those...and this may seem twisted but I prefer the ones where I die over that.
I should have went in the other direction in sixth grade when I saw this loud obnoxious kid in the library. Instead I walk over and he ends up being my first "boyfriend". We were more of a couple in later years then when we actually went out haha.
I miss him so much I still have an other seven months before I can see him again. I hate him being up state and not close, but him being in the detention center is probably best. I just hope that this time he really wants to change. We have been through a lot together. I am so afraid that if he doesn't change his ways I will lose him.
The last time I saw him I wouldn't follow him outside, I could tell he wanted me to he had that pleading look. I honestly can not say why I didn't follow him. It broke what little bit of an enabling relationship we had, so it was for the best. He looked so sad though. I feel horrible because where he is now I can write to him but I am afraid that if I do it will ruin any of the progress he has made.
This was not meant to be a go on about Avery journal....I guess I needed to get it out though. Sorry it is so jumbled as well.
He and I are one huge disaster.