Zero-Sum Days
You know, there are good days, and there are bad days, everyone has a few of each, yeah, but has anyone else ever had a zero-sum day, a day with bad vibes that keep good things from coming to fruition or you can't recall one good thing that isn't tainted by a bad thing, so that in the grand scheme it's just a nothing sort of day? Today was one of those days.
I suppose Oscar Wilde had the right of it, that you can't help detesting your relations, for they have all the same faults as yourself. I think our (my family's, anyway) driving fault is that we are all very much trying to go our own way, but we expect the others to know what that way is and to follow it themselves. It'd be nice if we all realized that no one is created equal, by which I don't mean to start spouting ridiculous supremacy madness, but to say that everyone is unique, for all that society and culture try to impose some order onto us, everyone is still different, and if we could just accept a little chaos, we'd all have a few less things to worry about.
Not that somethings aren't beyond the pale, like sociopaths to whom other human beings are as insects, and other harmful (ah, but how to define "harm"?) idiots, etc. In the daily spectrum, though, from clothes to sexuality to ideology, I say to each their own, and let the dead bury the dead. Now, if I could only act on that a little more; so much of life is to manifest the ideal within ourselves to the world. I can only hope to look back and see my kingdom on earth as in my head & heart; I don't even care anymore to have others act on this, in the first place because that's hypocrisy, outright, and I won't have that sort of twisted logic in myself, to do so would be to not have a 'self', but mostly because it dooms me to a life of nothing, zero-sums, day after day.
The only untainted note to come of today, of course, is that at 4:38AM, I spoke to my brother Chencho, who was then filing the last papers for his transport, from somewhere in Bactria to points west, his itinerary unknown, and his path a series of lay-overs, but with luck a journey of 2-3 days to home. My brother is coming and all is right with the world. Actually, it's probably him that I am most like, in that integrity of 'self'. I hope one day to manifest my 'self' so well as he has done his; he has been in the Army for 18 years, is up for E-7 appointment, is classified a Master Parachutist, and handles one of the 82nd's artillery battalions. This all stems from watching M*A*S*H as a child in México. Hooah.