Dating Tips for the Utterly Clueless
(1) Just because you make a token effort, eg writing a proper intro message on a dating site rather than "hi ur hot x", nobody is obliged to respond to you.
(2) Don't ask a woman out on a date then deliberately not bring any money, suggest you go to the pub then assume she'll pay. (This works both ways - I know there are an awful lot of women out there who still have the 'but the man pays' mindset. We're in the 21st century. Stop it.) And if she does pay, at least have the common courtesy to say thanks.
(3a) "It's easy for women to get laid. Any woman can get laid any time she wants to. It's so hard for men. We have to make all of this effort and so rarely get a return." STFU.
(3b) "If a man pressures a woman into sex by eg walking her back to her hotel room, inviting himself in then pushing and pushing, refusing to leave etc until she says yes ... then that's fine." NO IT ISN'T. IT'S ASSAULT, YOU UTTER FUCKWIT.
(3c) "All women say no to sex but they really want it. It's the Slut Defence (TM)." Or maybe, just a suggestion here, they don't want to have sex with you.
(4) If you stroke a woman's arm, fiddle with her hair, put an arm round the back of her chair or whatever and she responds by moving away and placing an object between you, your attentions are not welcome at that moment. Lay off a bit. She might warm to you later (nb this is not a case of Slut Defence, it's "I don't really know this person well enough yet"). She might not. Either way, keeping on trying is going to make her increasingly creeped out.
(5) If someone has scars, don't say something like "Oh, been at the razor blades? Hurr hurr hurr!" Those scars might have come from the rose bushes. They might have come from fending off a knife-wielding psychopath. They might be self harm. You have no way of knowing and, whatever the reason for the scars, you're going to look like an insensitive twat.
(6) 50 Shades of Grey is NOT a relationship bible. Granted, some women find it a turn on. But a lot don't.
(7) If you haven't even got the money for chips (see also 2) then fuck off home before dinner time. Don't hang about hoping your date will either (a) pay or (b) invite you home for dinner. Because, frankly, if you've been behaving the way of 2-6 that's not going to happen.
(8) In the event of all of the above, you're not going to get lucky. No, really, you're not.
**This has been a public service announcement on behalf of, well, pretty much everyone who is sick of going on shit dates**
(2) Don't ask a woman out on a date then deliberately not bring any money, suggest you go to the pub then assume she'll pay. (This works both ways - I know there are an awful lot of women out there who still have the 'but the man pays' mindset. We're in the 21st century. Stop it.) And if she does pay, at least have the common courtesy to say thanks.
(3a) "It's easy for women to get laid. Any woman can get laid any time she wants to. It's so hard for men. We have to make all of this effort and so rarely get a return." STFU.
(3b) "If a man pressures a woman into sex by eg walking her back to her hotel room, inviting himself in then pushing and pushing, refusing to leave etc until she says yes ... then that's fine." NO IT ISN'T. IT'S ASSAULT, YOU UTTER FUCKWIT.
(3c) "All women say no to sex but they really want it. It's the Slut Defence (TM)." Or maybe, just a suggestion here, they don't want to have sex with you.
(4) If you stroke a woman's arm, fiddle with her hair, put an arm round the back of her chair or whatever and she responds by moving away and placing an object between you, your attentions are not welcome at that moment. Lay off a bit. She might warm to you later (nb this is not a case of Slut Defence, it's "I don't really know this person well enough yet"). She might not. Either way, keeping on trying is going to make her increasingly creeped out.
(5) If someone has scars, don't say something like "Oh, been at the razor blades? Hurr hurr hurr!" Those scars might have come from the rose bushes. They might have come from fending off a knife-wielding psychopath. They might be self harm. You have no way of knowing and, whatever the reason for the scars, you're going to look like an insensitive twat.
(6) 50 Shades of Grey is NOT a relationship bible. Granted, some women find it a turn on. But a lot don't.
(7) If you haven't even got the money for chips (see also 2) then fuck off home before dinner time. Don't hang about hoping your date will either (a) pay or (b) invite you home for dinner. Because, frankly, if you've been behaving the way of 2-6 that's not going to happen.
(8) In the event of all of the above, you're not going to get lucky. No, really, you're not.
**This has been a public service announcement on behalf of, well, pretty much everyone who is sick of going on shit dates**