and after a "vacation"......
I never really posted anything since we left Eugene - I don't feel like giving all the details of Daddy's wake. It was really hard to stand there while everyone that knew him told me how sorry they were, and that he was such a great person and how much I must miss him and so on. a lot of people didn't recognize me because they haven't seen me since I was little. I pretty well smoked myself into a coma that day. My Auntie gave me and V each a half ounce, and it took us all of two weeks to smoke the whole damn thing.
Me and Bear are now in Chi, we've been here about a month now. It's everything I didn't want to come back to.
Bear got a job working at the Juniper plant, making these little fucking blocks that look like diamonds. Apparently they are sold at Starbucks or some shit. Hard to believe someone would pay for a little faceted diamond out of wood...but then again people buy anything. I have yet to find employment....but I'm not really trying either.
It's tough being back here. Bear and I are staying in the basement at my moms house, where Daddy used to stay when he lived with us. Bear works graveyard shift so I stay up late - all alone - surrounded by things that remind me of a life so far away from where I am now. I cry when I'm alone, or in the shower, or every time someone asks me why I moved back home. I never received his obituary in the mail, so a lot of people don't know what happened, and it's up to me to tell them.
All of our belongings are still in storage in Eugene, we'll be going back down to get it all in the next month or so. All of Daddy's things are in Albany at Linda"s house - and his truck is still in Toledo. I tried to get a hold of people to move it, but that just turned out to be me playing phone tag with various people and never getting called back. I'm sooo stressed out over this all. AND Good pot is just hard to come by up here. You have to really know people - which I'm glad we do, and even then it's sometimes a 45 minute drive to go get it.
Right now I'm at the Curios shop, where I sell my beadwork and jewelry to tourists and such. Today I am the shopkeeper. If you work in the shop for a couple of hours per week they don't charge a commission on your sales. Today I sold a purse that I made for $50. I just love it when people fall in love with my work. That's all I want - is for people to find something they absolutely love, and be able to take it home and brag to all their friends.
Not much has happened to us since we've been back - I have pretty well succeeded in avoiding everyone I ever knew here. Bear and I get pulled over by the cops every couple of days. Apparently our truck matches the description of a vehicle that is stolen and wanted for poaching, so every time a cop sees us, they whip a bitch hella fast and pull us over. It sucks, so we pretty much stay out of town during the days. We went kayaking last week on one of his days off, and I got a bad bad bad sunburn. White girls should stay inside. It sucks that Bears days off are Tuesday and Wednesday - all of our friends work those days - and I kid you not - there is nothing to do in this town, unless you like to be outside in the dust and sage brush with mosquitos the whole time. Winter is coming too...it got all the way up to 40 degrees yesterday, and I had to start a fire today. I hate being cold all the time. And my skin is constantly dry, as is my hair which used to be so pretty. Here it just looks like straw.
I want to be back where no one knows me, where I blend into society like everyone else. This town has 700 people. Everyone knows everyones business and past, and you are expected to know and CARE about them too. I don't give a shit about the people in this godforsaken place, and I know no one really cares about me either- but they still have to know your life story so they can tell their gossipy friends and make up shit to make you look bad. Fuck Chi. I hate it here.
This probably took up a shit ton of room - it took me about an hour to get what I wanted to say out....I feel like there is more to tell but I can't think of anything right this second.
oh - if I can get my sisters password for the home computer this will be more frequent. i hope.
Me and Bear are now in Chi, we've been here about a month now. It's everything I didn't want to come back to.
Bear got a job working at the Juniper plant, making these little fucking blocks that look like diamonds. Apparently they are sold at Starbucks or some shit. Hard to believe someone would pay for a little faceted diamond out of wood...but then again people buy anything. I have yet to find employment....but I'm not really trying either.
It's tough being back here. Bear and I are staying in the basement at my moms house, where Daddy used to stay when he lived with us. Bear works graveyard shift so I stay up late - all alone - surrounded by things that remind me of a life so far away from where I am now. I cry when I'm alone, or in the shower, or every time someone asks me why I moved back home. I never received his obituary in the mail, so a lot of people don't know what happened, and it's up to me to tell them.
All of our belongings are still in storage in Eugene, we'll be going back down to get it all in the next month or so. All of Daddy's things are in Albany at Linda"s house - and his truck is still in Toledo. I tried to get a hold of people to move it, but that just turned out to be me playing phone tag with various people and never getting called back. I'm sooo stressed out over this all. AND Good pot is just hard to come by up here. You have to really know people - which I'm glad we do, and even then it's sometimes a 45 minute drive to go get it.
Right now I'm at the Curios shop, where I sell my beadwork and jewelry to tourists and such. Today I am the shopkeeper. If you work in the shop for a couple of hours per week they don't charge a commission on your sales. Today I sold a purse that I made for $50. I just love it when people fall in love with my work. That's all I want - is for people to find something they absolutely love, and be able to take it home and brag to all their friends.
Not much has happened to us since we've been back - I have pretty well succeeded in avoiding everyone I ever knew here. Bear and I get pulled over by the cops every couple of days. Apparently our truck matches the description of a vehicle that is stolen and wanted for poaching, so every time a cop sees us, they whip a bitch hella fast and pull us over. It sucks, so we pretty much stay out of town during the days. We went kayaking last week on one of his days off, and I got a bad bad bad sunburn. White girls should stay inside. It sucks that Bears days off are Tuesday and Wednesday - all of our friends work those days - and I kid you not - there is nothing to do in this town, unless you like to be outside in the dust and sage brush with mosquitos the whole time. Winter is coming too...it got all the way up to 40 degrees yesterday, and I had to start a fire today. I hate being cold all the time. And my skin is constantly dry, as is my hair which used to be so pretty. Here it just looks like straw.
I want to be back where no one knows me, where I blend into society like everyone else. This town has 700 people. Everyone knows everyones business and past, and you are expected to know and CARE about them too. I don't give a shit about the people in this godforsaken place, and I know no one really cares about me either- but they still have to know your life story so they can tell their gossipy friends and make up shit to make you look bad. Fuck Chi. I hate it here.
This probably took up a shit ton of room - it took me about an hour to get what I wanted to say out....I feel like there is more to tell but I can't think of anything right this second.
oh - if I can get my sisters password for the home computer this will be more frequent. i hope.