Letter to the FSMB
To the Federation of State Medical Boards, 9/21/10
I am writing to you as a first time mother, who also happens to be a resident in Family Medicine.
One week after birthing my beautiful daughter in what was the most spiritual moment of my life, the afterglow of the baby-moon no longer out shined the dark circles surrounding my eyes. I was on a mission to breastfeed this perfect newborn and something was wrong. It was easy to remember the cheerleading I gave to many of my continuity delivery mothers, “just give it six weeks!” but I was struggling and my baby wasn’t gaining weight.
My priority was to do everything right for my baby, so our socially connected midwife helped find other mom’s breast milk. Every two hours I would breast feed, give the donated breast milk in a bottle, and pump myself. When sleep did happen, my nipples stung, ached and bleed while my baby was restless with belly aches.
The most precious being in my life needed to feed from me every two hours at three weeks old, four, five and long past six weeks. This was my existence. Post partum depression doesn’t encapsulate how physically and emotionally exhausted I was.
At this same time I started to study for the third step of the USMLE boards. The closest test site to our rural residency program was over an hour away and my only local support was a full time resident. For a few days I tried to study for the examination with my colicky baby, but then the sleep deprived thoughts of being away from her for two days with no secured babysitter, and somehow taking the test while pumping every two hours held me if waves of paralyzing anxiety. I was completely submersed into motherhood and needed to postpone my boards for a second time so that my baby girl received the love and attention she deserved. I wonder if you can imagine what my emotions were like when you denied me the second scheduling extension.
So I am requesting a refund of my Step 3 enrollment fee or for you to grant me a second extension. My adorable 6 month old is in daycare, I’m working as a part-time resident and developing the healthy balance between being a mother and physician.
A letter from my midwife is attached to this document.
Thank you for your time & consideration,
-Selma Holden, MD
I am writing to you as a first time mother, who also happens to be a resident in Family Medicine.
One week after birthing my beautiful daughter in what was the most spiritual moment of my life, the afterglow of the baby-moon no longer out shined the dark circles surrounding my eyes. I was on a mission to breastfeed this perfect newborn and something was wrong. It was easy to remember the cheerleading I gave to many of my continuity delivery mothers, “just give it six weeks!” but I was struggling and my baby wasn’t gaining weight.
My priority was to do everything right for my baby, so our socially connected midwife helped find other mom’s breast milk. Every two hours I would breast feed, give the donated breast milk in a bottle, and pump myself. When sleep did happen, my nipples stung, ached and bleed while my baby was restless with belly aches.
The most precious being in my life needed to feed from me every two hours at three weeks old, four, five and long past six weeks. This was my existence. Post partum depression doesn’t encapsulate how physically and emotionally exhausted I was.
At this same time I started to study for the third step of the USMLE boards. The closest test site to our rural residency program was over an hour away and my only local support was a full time resident. For a few days I tried to study for the examination with my colicky baby, but then the sleep deprived thoughts of being away from her for two days with no secured babysitter, and somehow taking the test while pumping every two hours held me if waves of paralyzing anxiety. I was completely submersed into motherhood and needed to postpone my boards for a second time so that my baby girl received the love and attention she deserved. I wonder if you can imagine what my emotions were like when you denied me the second scheduling extension.
So I am requesting a refund of my Step 3 enrollment fee or for you to grant me a second extension. My adorable 6 month old is in daycare, I’m working as a part-time resident and developing the healthy balance between being a mother and physician.
A letter from my midwife is attached to this document.
Thank you for your time & consideration,
-Selma Holden, MD