Post Partum or Menstruation Depression
Yesterday ended my love affair with a little show called SubUrbia. It was one of the most fabulous experiences of my life. Being a part of a show that I related to sooo much to on a personal level, getting cast in a part that I wanted so badly, getting to work under one of the most brilliant women alive, working with one of the most talented ensembles ever assembled. It's sounds like I'm exaggerating but I'm really, really not, this show was so fucking special and I'm gonna miss it dearly. Where do I go after a show like this?
Anyways, we had a pretty shitty castparty, afterwards, sadly, but I had a swell time before the police ruined everything.
Aunt Flo came to town pretty much immediately after strike and I thought, "how appropriate." I never had to try to hide my tampon during the great mooning scene.
Anyways, I really appreciate all the people that came to see the show, especially Liz, Tony, and Laura Z., and mi madre who had to travel to see it. I love and appreciate you guys so much for that and I hope you enjoyed yourselves.
I don't want to go to school anymore. I love Love LOVE the people here and I'm sure that's the big reason why I'm still enrolled and the only reason my attendence is at about 70%. But other than play-writing, I don't enjoy my classes and I don't feel like I'm getting a lot out of them. Blah, blah, blah.
Last night, I came home, alone, and I woke up, alone. And I really didn't want to be. The social floodgates have been opened, muchly thanks to the wonderful friendships formed in and through SubUrbia and I don't feel like the loner I usually feel like. But anyways, I'm in the headspace that I would really like to have a boyfriend, right now. Maybe it seems like I'm usually pretty hard-up, but it's not even a sexual thing, right now. I'm kind of bored with that, maybe it has to do with my vagina being plugged up with cotton but I went home last night and I was horny because I'm a goat and I had been drinking but I didn't even want to masterbate. I just layed there thinking, where do people meet people?
Plus I feel really damn unattractive. (And please, this is not a plea for compliments at all, so don't even.) I just feel, fat, weird, and ...unattractive, I dunno. Boo.
This is the time to re-evaluate and collect myself. I'm not gonna make a plan or anything New Year's Eve-y but my head is in a shitty, shitty place and I need to maybe look into getting on the Prozac or something. Anna said the other day that your true self kind shines when you're on pot and maybe that's true because the last couple of times I've been on the jane I've been depressed and anti-social.
Blah, I feel fucked-up and I shouldn't and I don't want to, it's just the same old shit. I don't relate well with others. I'm always slightly over-weight. I don't do half the things I mean to do. You'd think I'd be over this now.
Oh, God, disregard this rambling. I'm back on lj. I'm on the rag. I'm on the bone again.
Heidi
Anyways, we had a pretty shitty castparty, afterwards, sadly, but I had a swell time before the police ruined everything.
Aunt Flo came to town pretty much immediately after strike and I thought, "how appropriate." I never had to try to hide my tampon during the great mooning scene.
Anyways, I really appreciate all the people that came to see the show, especially Liz, Tony, and Laura Z., and mi madre who had to travel to see it. I love and appreciate you guys so much for that and I hope you enjoyed yourselves.
I don't want to go to school anymore. I love Love LOVE the people here and I'm sure that's the big reason why I'm still enrolled and the only reason my attendence is at about 70%. But other than play-writing, I don't enjoy my classes and I don't feel like I'm getting a lot out of them. Blah, blah, blah.
Last night, I came home, alone, and I woke up, alone. And I really didn't want to be. The social floodgates have been opened, muchly thanks to the wonderful friendships formed in and through SubUrbia and I don't feel like the loner I usually feel like. But anyways, I'm in the headspace that I would really like to have a boyfriend, right now. Maybe it seems like I'm usually pretty hard-up, but it's not even a sexual thing, right now. I'm kind of bored with that, maybe it has to do with my vagina being plugged up with cotton but I went home last night and I was horny because I'm a goat and I had been drinking but I didn't even want to masterbate. I just layed there thinking, where do people meet people?
Plus I feel really damn unattractive. (And please, this is not a plea for compliments at all, so don't even.) I just feel, fat, weird, and ...unattractive, I dunno. Boo.
This is the time to re-evaluate and collect myself. I'm not gonna make a plan or anything New Year's Eve-y but my head is in a shitty, shitty place and I need to maybe look into getting on the Prozac or something. Anna said the other day that your true self kind shines when you're on pot and maybe that's true because the last couple of times I've been on the jane I've been depressed and anti-social.
Blah, I feel fucked-up and I shouldn't and I don't want to, it's just the same old shit. I don't relate well with others. I'm always slightly over-weight. I don't do half the things I mean to do. You'd think I'd be over this now.
Oh, God, disregard this rambling. I'm back on lj. I'm on the rag. I'm on the bone again.
Heidi