talked to ken (again)
i went in to the bell today and talked to ken. steve has been telling him that i freaking hate him. so i told him that i dont and that the only person i hate here is candise. and of course, everybody already knew that. and he asked me if i wanted to quit now or wait til i found a new job and i said when i find a new job. i cant afford to quit. and he asked me what was making me so miserable at work. i tried to tell him but im not sure if i even know. i told him i was tired of steaming every freaking day. and i told him how i worked 9 days in a row and how i steamed 8 of them. i just get so frustrated so easily. maybe i just need a vacation. maybe i really am miserable, but then i do have days when its a lot of fun. and he mentioned a couple of saturdays ago when i was in the best mood ever! and asked me what made me so happy then. i told him i didnt know but thats only cuz i didnt wanna tell him the truth. truth: justin stayed over the night before, you figure it out. so, obviously, i wasnt gonna tell him that it was sex! i dont hate my job most of the time. its just the monotony and the drama that candise and steve like to cause. i graduated from high school. im done with that bullshit. im gonna try to stay there but if i remain as miserable as i have been, then i know i just need to find a new job. cuz ive been so depressed cuz of how much ive hated working this past week and a half. i havent seen justin in a while. it just gets hard and im easily stressed. its just who i am. i dont like it but im trying to change. its just so hard. i went my entire childhood holding my feelings in and now that i dont hold them back anymore, i cant stop them. but im gonna try really hard cuz i know i make it hard on everybody else and i dont want that.