Makes Me Wonder
A lot of things leaves me wondering about this. I know you're hurt, I know I've wronged you, but why can't you find it in your heart to forgive me? I made a mistake, yes, and it was a very bad one at that, but.. do I really deserve this much anger from you?
It actually hurts, I wonder just how much you really love me.
Last year, at about this time, I was happy, building the resort, enjoying the time that I had never given myself for so long. I had great friends around me who made me feel like everything could be ok. It had been months since I had said 'OK, enough is enough, I can't do it anymore', and gave up on you. It felt like I had an entire new life ahead of me.
And you came back, saying you wanted to try again, that you were wrong. I was scared at the thought of having to go through all that had been in years past. I was scared because in my head, I wasn't sure if you loved me that much. I was scared of getting hurt again. But I loved you, more than anyone and anything else in my life.
We tried again, amidst all my fears, that's how we ended up together, after so many years.
You left three weeks after, supposedly for only two months, but then suddenly becoming an entire year. I know I was to blame for not saying anything, but I honestly didn't want you to leave. I knew you wanted this so much, I knew you wanted it so long, I didn't know how to tell you that I didn't want to leave. That was probably my first mistake.
So as 9 months passed, we fought, lost it, and ultimately broke up. And it was my fault that led to that. I made a mistake. I was wrong. And you can't find it in you to forgive me for being wrong. I wonder why I could forget all the pain I had gone through with you, just because I loved you, and you couldn't forgive me for making a mistake.
I wonder why the anger you feel for me is so great. I know that I've asked and taken so much from you already, but does it really merit such anger towards me? It feels like you can forget all your love for me in favor of your anger. And if that were the case, then do you love me enough to stay with me when I make mistakes?
I know I was wrong, and I know I have to make amends.. if you'd let me.. And I'd do anything and everything I can to make it right.. but I still wonder why you can't forgive me..
It actually hurts, I wonder just how much you really love me.
Last year, at about this time, I was happy, building the resort, enjoying the time that I had never given myself for so long. I had great friends around me who made me feel like everything could be ok. It had been months since I had said 'OK, enough is enough, I can't do it anymore', and gave up on you. It felt like I had an entire new life ahead of me.
And you came back, saying you wanted to try again, that you were wrong. I was scared at the thought of having to go through all that had been in years past. I was scared because in my head, I wasn't sure if you loved me that much. I was scared of getting hurt again. But I loved you, more than anyone and anything else in my life.
We tried again, amidst all my fears, that's how we ended up together, after so many years.
You left three weeks after, supposedly for only two months, but then suddenly becoming an entire year. I know I was to blame for not saying anything, but I honestly didn't want you to leave. I knew you wanted this so much, I knew you wanted it so long, I didn't know how to tell you that I didn't want to leave. That was probably my first mistake.
So as 9 months passed, we fought, lost it, and ultimately broke up. And it was my fault that led to that. I made a mistake. I was wrong. And you can't find it in you to forgive me for being wrong. I wonder why I could forget all the pain I had gone through with you, just because I loved you, and you couldn't forgive me for making a mistake.
I wonder why the anger you feel for me is so great. I know that I've asked and taken so much from you already, but does it really merit such anger towards me? It feels like you can forget all your love for me in favor of your anger. And if that were the case, then do you love me enough to stay with me when I make mistakes?
I know I was wrong, and I know I have to make amends.. if you'd let me.. And I'd do anything and everything I can to make it right.. but I still wonder why you can't forgive me..