TOP TEN MOMENTS OF 2003
Moments / nights i guess you could call it- whatever. Ten action packed moments that I gurantee will summarize this year in all its splender. Once again this an annual tradition I started last year; a little way of giving back to the fans christmas spirit. Without anymore bullshit here they are-
10. "Our women are not slaves!"
I'll never forget waking up the first day of this year in our hotel room in Montreal, me and jay had the kingsize bed that probably coulda comfortably fit four on and in the other room there were like 10 people litterally piled on top of each other. Fish slept on the coffee table and desk chair, don on just an arm chair, 4 ppl piled on the fold out couch bed where u really would be pushing it w/ just 2 people on..a couple ppl on the cot..and ethan and some chick on the beer/cigarette ash/maybe even some piss stained carpet. The room smelt like absolute shit, it was ur typical after morning shit box with an atypical god awful stench. My immediate reaction was to pick up everything that was mine and get the fuckkkkk out of there.. then there was a knock. The maids were accompanied by the hotel manager. Who’s eyes widened at such a ridiculous sight. “What, what what is all this!!! Pick up all you’re trash here, our women are not slaves!” as he slammed the door and he said with a French accent that was a punch line for the whole ride home.
9. "ALRIGHT THAT'S IT DUDE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"
The stupidity of this situation still does blow my mind. I threw this one on here only because I really think it would be on VH1’s I love 2003 if it were video taped on a reality tv show or something. So Ryan Kane was having people over, nothing big just about 15-20 of us. Nothing crazy, just beer and a lot food accompanied by some ping pong action. Then I challenged the host to a duel in ping pong. Now keep in mind, I used to go to school with Ryan at St. Joes and we’ve always been friendly…
So we're playin and folks let me tell ya- this is one intense ping pong game, this really was forest gump meets the matrix. And right when this game got goin I started doin the agent smith voice
"Mr. Anderson!!" -sturg and fish found this rather humorous. Ryan didn't really seem to get it.
"ahh man ya makin fun of me?"
"Na na it's from the matrix, ya ever see it?"
"oh yeah yeah sure"
"Keanu reeves character is 'mr.anderson'"
"oh i didn't kno that ..whatev"
so the game goes on, and this game really is crazy. It really was a parallel to one of the fight scenes or gun shot scenes in the matrix (THE 1st one that is, we're going to pretend the 2nd one doesn't even exist). Like balls are flying fast, we're making incredible shots, even one time i let up one of those rainbow two mile n hour returns.. and he had the oportune time to spike it.. which he did .. AND I RETURNED IT!! Ahh man I was goin nuts. So needless to say I couldn't hold back the "MR. ANDERSON!!"'S, while i was obviously laughing, fish n sturg included... then out of no where
"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT DUDE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"
words really can't describe how shocked i was.
"Dude it's j/ the matr-"
"I don't give a fuck, get the fuck out. I kno you're toolin on me.. GET THE FUCK OUT"
the kid went from normal to psycho in 2 seconds flat. The sausage party had gone dead silent too, the room was in shock. I can just see the field day that VH1 show would have with this
8. Night at JP’s
This night is a prime example of what happens when ya get the most random whores with one rowdy bunch of assholes.. oh and a supply of alcohol that lasts well into the sunrise. Everything from girls making out with girls to guys making out with guys to sex in front of everyone in the living room. And the thing about the sex was, it was around 5am or so when we’re all laying around having our pillow talk when person A n person B started goin at it. We all just carried on conversation like it was normal as well did person A. The wise ass comments were off the hook wish I could remember em. This night also led to what I’d like to crown as the most creative lj of the year. You can read all about it on JP’s most recent entry entitled “party like fuckin rockstars” http://www.livejournal.com/users/jpfaherty/ Unlike mine it’s easy to read, ur not drownded w/ paragraphs and yet it still captures the night perfectly.
7. The End of a Dynasty
2003 was the end of the corporation Mobile Solution seeing 300+ activations a month from the branch at Crystal Mall. This was the day McClure, Fincher, and I went on strike due to a corrupt and exploitative upper management. Once again, there were about 200 phones in inventory, 5 different kinds of em.. and we took them all out and spent the duration of our day (about 4 hours) switching the bataries, instructions, chargers, etc anything we could think of to switch em around. Everytime management (Shawn the midget) would call James to see how many phones we “had out” he would just say ..
“Let me call ya back I’m with a costumer” I know it sounds stupid but it’s something we’ve always wanted to do just so we wouldn’t have to hear his retarted/depressing motivational speeches. God, those were the worst. James also was the man responsible for orriginaly installing the computer into the kiosk. Which also took him a few hours to do. You know, get the wires through the maze of holes in that wooden framework. James ripped those wires out within seconds. Reports later told us that it took them a good 3 and a half days of putting shit back together again before sales could commence, just Bruckner and Shawn the midget at the time. I'm still so proud how we handled this..they've always prided themselves on their shadyness and how ppl get fired over night for lack of effort (or basically how they can fuck their employees). They’ve always bragged about how entire staffs at other malls have been fired no apparent reason. Well guess who's bending over on this one? This is a story that Jim n I can’t wait to tell our kids at babe ruth practice or whatever.. this is how you need to handle your shit.
6. “You wanna be a pussy… I’ll give ya something to be a pussy about!”
An LJ entry not to long ago.. Aug 31st actually.. never mind I guess that was a while ago. I beat the shit out of this kid for stealing my beer, you can reread that entry for the comical perspective of it all but this whole situation really got me thinking. Now this kid did not fight back what so ever and he was bigger than me, now all things being even he probably was and is an absolute vagina. But just bare w/ me on this one… think of your typical bad guy in movies, cuz there is two kinds. One is the bad guy who you cannot relate to, and just wants world domination for absolutely no real apparent reason or just has a screw loose i.e. your typical james bond villain or John Travolta in sword fish. The other bad ass is Ed Norton in American History X. Which one is more intimidating and or more affective.. the obvious answer is Ed Norton- because he’s not just physically over powering like the others, instead he is also psychologically overpowering. The shit he says in that movie is very convincing and you see (disturbingly so) where he’s coming from. Bottom line is if you convince your opponent that you’re in the right, and they’re the asshole; I believe it doubles your chances in any fight. It’s psychological warfare. It’s kinda like at highschool basketball games when you got buddies in the stands screaming at #34 on the other team i.e. Team Stefanski. Eventually you get in their head and you have them thinking they’re supposed to lose. Which I think this is definately what I did here, I follwed the kid around n heckled n lectured him about the ethics of steeling beer from ppl.
5. “Snake the Unsnakeable”
Well unfortunately this year of 2003 has been the year of the DUI w/ a disturbing number of my friends. I’m not one to name names or anything, nor am I the type to rub it in your face that I passed one of these tests pretty damn cocked on a 30 degree hill drop.. where its difficult to do the “standing on one foot while touching your nose” routine sober! It was a dark stormy, mysterious night, lightening rippled through the clouds… just like tonight and all odds were stacked against me… and u can read all about it on May 23rds issue “Snake the unsnakeable and fuck motel sex”
4. One of the more classic evenings ever -Mardi Gras night
Yup this was the night that sadly has to be remembered as the night Don got into his car accident.. but if you can just pretend that whole car accident thing never happened the sequence of events were hysterical. Don got thrown out of Pub for getting caught read handed stealing beers from behind the bar…
“And when I say he got thrown out,, he got THROWN OUT.. the guy literally picked don up over his shoulder..”-Pat Flanagan.. This one is good enough, that I gotta copy n paste some of it. It’s too much of a delight to read. This LJ is def one of the greatest hits n always picks me up when I’m bored..
"Benoit! I just made out with 6 girls !!" -brasco
"Dude I just made out with 3 of the same chicks u just did,, I felt like I just kissed you HAHAHA"- Keeler
And I turn my head to see the chick bartender pointin at me summoning me over, then I noticed a shot glass in her hand. SIGN ME UP! So she then gave me a shot or two.. Chip n Dale continued to hang out by the bar and recieve a lot more than just a couple shots each.
So I then am busy scoutin through the crowd and workin on my second prospect for this evenin. I finally find one and am dancin with her for a bit when flanagan comes up from behind n taps my shoulder
"Dude Don just got kicked out the back door!"
I rolled my eyes "Oh god what now"
"He was stealin beers from behind the bar!"
(Post game play by play via pat)
"So Don is workin on his 4th or 5th stolen beer of the night....so he grabs it then out of nowhere 'Lightening Bolt' (stout but very bulky bouncer w/ lightening bolt tattoo, he's the biggest male cheerleader for uconn) came down wrapped both his arms around don's torso. Picked him up and carried him over his shoulder, out the back hallway...I went through the door marked 'employees only' to follow him when a large black man got in my face 'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING' i'm like 'I just wanted to make sure everything's alright' 'Well then get going you fuckin faggot'."
These bouncers are no joke here huh lol. So I continue to dance with this chick, ignoring brasco's calls, my premating rituals j/ couldn't be disturbed.
So the bar finally had last call around 1245 or 1 and I peaced out girl in hand.. And guess what? My fuckin jackets missing! So in my fury and knowing that I had done nothing for Karma to do this to me... I decided to take Karma into my own hands and stole a very sporty LJ (Leather Jacket). And I run into Chip n Dale aimlessly lost around north...and James happens to be wearing my Jacket. So we exchange our jackets. And I leave them w/ this girl embarking to my room and figuring they would go to lauries like they said they would countless times.
So on the walk with this girl back to my room there really were some classic lines.
"I donno if I should do this.. I gotta get up at 730 for practice tomorrow!"
"Don't worry about it I'll give ya a ride, I got my car right there (bullshit lol)"
"Oh I donno"
"Look I don't care" and I walked faster in attempt to lose her
"no no wait"
"ok what?"
"Ok i'll go back but I'm gonna go to sleep right when we get back" Like what am I doing running a fuckin hotel here?
"Thats fine by me i g/ get up at 8 anyway for a class”
Finally we get back to my room and Davie seems to be asleep, so we chill on the futon. We start making out, whatever, and half the time she keeps sayin
"Are you sure he's asleep wa wa"
"yeah yeah he's sleepin like a baby" Now believe it or not, Dave doesn't sleep like a normal person. He doesn't snore or have a regular breathing pattern like everyone else. So him j/ chillin there sounds j/ like when he's sound asleep. So sooner or later chip n dale came around. They couldn't find laurie's dorm which is about 100 yards away from mine in this complex campus. So I hear in the back of my head
"MAX BENOIT WHERE ARE YOU!!" James is yelling at the top of his lungs outside. I guess he got my neighbors room and he woke them up and they directed him to my window. Then we heard a DSHZZ DSHHZZ that's him bangin on my window now. Now we're just in our own world makin out and what have you, when...
"Max you wanna let your fuckin asshole friends in, I'm tryin to sleep here" from the top bunk.
"Maybe you should listen to him" she said
"ahhh fuck ..alright"-me. So now I leave the room to go deal with the lost boys. I explain to them that I gotta girl in my room, and I call Laurie up and told her my situation..her being sympathetic of my situation and the greatest girl ever agreed to come over and meet the boys n take em back to her dorm. I could definately tell that they were both in rare form. They had been fighting like a couple of 3rd graders in rediculious drunken stoopers. I've only speed this drunk once before, it's an indescribable drunkenness. He is rediculiously difficult, you say up he says down, u black he white... on stubborn latino. So this is what Laurie had to deal with, oh and I gave her explicit directions to get Don and James' id's from em for if they ended up leavin with em the next day it'd really fuck my friends here. ANYWAYS
So I go back to the room and guess what? She's gone lol.
(Post game commentary via Davie)
"Right when Max left...I never seen anyone pull their pants up , grab all their shit and dart out of a room so fast in my life. She was out of this room like a woman in a job that requires reason and accountability" -thanks dave for the commentary.
At this point it was time for me to go to bed cuz I really did have an 830 class the next morning. Little did I know the mayhem the night had in store...
I wake up at 730 from a call from Laurie, since I use my cell as my alarm clock I mistook the call for my alarm clock...
"Hello...No way...Don's missing...no shit..holy shit I'm late for class I'll call ya back"
And then I came to my senses and realized my class was indeed at 830 and called her right back
and this is where I hear about all these antics from last night
"So I go through all this trouble to make Don his bed out of my fold out couch..ya know I laid him out sheets all nice and everything (maternal instincts so sexy these days)...and he refuses to lay on it, he j/ sat on my chair..and I'm like 'you're impossible' and go to the room next door for a minute...I come back and Don's trying to climb in bed with my roommate...who is on the top bunk so he keeps fallin down.. Mind you my roommate never parties, she doesn't drink, she has a long term boy friend SHE'S SO NOT LIKE THAT"
You could only imagine what Don's putting this poor girl through as he keeps fallin off lauries (bottom bunk) bed in attempt to get up there. On top of this, again this is a tuesday night, and WED is usually everyones tough day here. So Don finally gets to sleep, but the mayhem isn't over yet.
(Post game commentary via Eileen (sp?), Lauries roommate)
"So I'm just about to fall asleep, when I hear water hitting the ground. I open my eyes and see Don peeing all over Lauries notes and piles of clothes. I'm like 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING...HELLO...DON, WAKE THE FUCK UP'"
Apparently Don pissed all over laurie's notes, magazines, and pile of clothes...an all together wingspan of about 5 or 6 feet. So I guess they finally wake him up, and he full heartidly believes he didn't do this. I can personally vouch that these things do happen and it's just a drunken sleep walk, more so sleep walk I say, and this is purely the subconscious..in other words you don't remeber it.
(Back to Laurie commentary)
"So then I made him clean it up..and he was so pissed. He tried tellin me my roommate did it. I'm like 'Ok don, Eileen got down here, popped a squat and wabbled around so she could get all my clothes and notes when the bathroom is j/ down the hall!!??' And then he called me stupid and a 'Meanie Head' I mean who calls someone a ‘meanie head??’”
And the rest is history… if that’s not what the top ten list is all about I don’t know what is.
3. “I’m great on top”
No way in hell could I forget this one Jay. This may be one of the greatest stories ever… here’s an excerpt from Jay’s lj-
“So i'm thinking, go from a high tension situation to bangin a roomate and sleepin in a bed, sounds like a better idea. So i stumble my way down to julia gulias room , her roomate about a handle bottle later and now offering a warm bed started becoming a bit more attractive. So i hope right in after a brutal attack from my buddy julia. This is when i believe the old cleche "shit hit the fan" comes in to play. I really felt for me to hook up with this girl would be making up for her sacrificing her bed at my expense. so she hops in with me and is not at all hesitant to start going at it with me. So now its just me and her up and shes really getting outta control. Now if your under 18, this is where you should stop reading. Now this girl has it out now and really working it, and suggest its time to get to the hardcore. She says that she can't just yet because her roomates aren't completely asleep yet, and says at 4 am. Now its only about 3 at this point, so im like fuck that im going to bed, i got no sleep last night theres no way i'll be able to function at four, i suggest set an alarm for me, but she keeps me awake. So now she responds, dick in hand "i love it on top I’m great on top". So im thinking, hey, maybe this isn't that bad of an investment, might as well do it if its just going to be falling into my hands. Well the clock strikes 4, and im prepped up ready for the big game, and guess what??? Shes too tired now, and apologizes. Now I had been working on a buzz for 35 hours with 3 hours of sleep, and now this girl has wasted my time completely. So i kinda just laugh assuming this must be a joke, and then i relaize, this is no joke, she really made me stay up until 4 am with her for nothing, when i could of been sleeping or still gettin cocked with my friends. Needless to say i wasn't happy, i told her to get out of the bed, hit her with a pillow and a cove on her way down. Funny thing was she went and tried to sleep in the hall way, who does that????? I end up getting a good nigths sleep after all”
I think I speak for us all when I say “well done, Jay.” Kicking this bitch out of her own room… fannntastic
2.Wet N Wild AT WPI!
A little tribute to alex’s frat “ATO”.. coolest frat ever. Last time I was there the ‘brothers’ were telling me how people still talk about this party and that many think it was the best they’ve ever had in their history. Drunken girls in bathing suits and underwear partying it up in the pina coolada foam on a freezing night in October. Did not get much better than this. And to be honest I would be surprised if they ever do top this one, because from the looks of the most recent party they had it was a bit of a sausage invasion in comparison to the other ones. I guess word has spread about the fruits of this place. I still think I’ll make it back as many times as I physically can though.
1. Bringing home Canada…
Love it or hate it, Don became a legend with this one. JP’s friends from his town talk about the kid like he’s a fuckin god. I always say “if only he liked girls…” This summer Don brought home the bacon, the Canadian bacon. He hooks up w/ a bartender, usually just a bartender is a prize in and of her self because ya gotta figure she’s working and bartenders have usually seen and heard it all and are just stressed out enough with having to serve 100 ppl with out having to worry about some asshole hitting on them. Not only did he hook up w/ her but she came back with us to Connecticut. Just like that. Un fucking real. Hey everyone pick up a glass right now. Donnie- salut.
10. "Our women are not slaves!"
I'll never forget waking up the first day of this year in our hotel room in Montreal, me and jay had the kingsize bed that probably coulda comfortably fit four on and in the other room there were like 10 people litterally piled on top of each other. Fish slept on the coffee table and desk chair, don on just an arm chair, 4 ppl piled on the fold out couch bed where u really would be pushing it w/ just 2 people on..a couple ppl on the cot..and ethan and some chick on the beer/cigarette ash/maybe even some piss stained carpet. The room smelt like absolute shit, it was ur typical after morning shit box with an atypical god awful stench. My immediate reaction was to pick up everything that was mine and get the fuckkkkk out of there.. then there was a knock. The maids were accompanied by the hotel manager. Who’s eyes widened at such a ridiculous sight. “What, what what is all this!!! Pick up all you’re trash here, our women are not slaves!” as he slammed the door and he said with a French accent that was a punch line for the whole ride home.
9. "ALRIGHT THAT'S IT DUDE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"
The stupidity of this situation still does blow my mind. I threw this one on here only because I really think it would be on VH1’s I love 2003 if it were video taped on a reality tv show or something. So Ryan Kane was having people over, nothing big just about 15-20 of us. Nothing crazy, just beer and a lot food accompanied by some ping pong action. Then I challenged the host to a duel in ping pong. Now keep in mind, I used to go to school with Ryan at St. Joes and we’ve always been friendly…
So we're playin and folks let me tell ya- this is one intense ping pong game, this really was forest gump meets the matrix. And right when this game got goin I started doin the agent smith voice
"Mr. Anderson!!" -sturg and fish found this rather humorous. Ryan didn't really seem to get it.
"ahh man ya makin fun of me?"
"Na na it's from the matrix, ya ever see it?"
"oh yeah yeah sure"
"Keanu reeves character is 'mr.anderson'"
"oh i didn't kno that ..whatev"
so the game goes on, and this game really is crazy. It really was a parallel to one of the fight scenes or gun shot scenes in the matrix (THE 1st one that is, we're going to pretend the 2nd one doesn't even exist). Like balls are flying fast, we're making incredible shots, even one time i let up one of those rainbow two mile n hour returns.. and he had the oportune time to spike it.. which he did .. AND I RETURNED IT!! Ahh man I was goin nuts. So needless to say I couldn't hold back the "MR. ANDERSON!!"'S, while i was obviously laughing, fish n sturg included... then out of no where
"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT DUDE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"
words really can't describe how shocked i was.
"Dude it's j/ the matr-"
"I don't give a fuck, get the fuck out. I kno you're toolin on me.. GET THE FUCK OUT"
the kid went from normal to psycho in 2 seconds flat. The sausage party had gone dead silent too, the room was in shock. I can just see the field day that VH1 show would have with this
8. Night at JP’s
This night is a prime example of what happens when ya get the most random whores with one rowdy bunch of assholes.. oh and a supply of alcohol that lasts well into the sunrise. Everything from girls making out with girls to guys making out with guys to sex in front of everyone in the living room. And the thing about the sex was, it was around 5am or so when we’re all laying around having our pillow talk when person A n person B started goin at it. We all just carried on conversation like it was normal as well did person A. The wise ass comments were off the hook wish I could remember em. This night also led to what I’d like to crown as the most creative lj of the year. You can read all about it on JP’s most recent entry entitled “party like fuckin rockstars” http://www.livejournal.com/users/jpfaherty/ Unlike mine it’s easy to read, ur not drownded w/ paragraphs and yet it still captures the night perfectly.
7. The End of a Dynasty
2003 was the end of the corporation Mobile Solution seeing 300+ activations a month from the branch at Crystal Mall. This was the day McClure, Fincher, and I went on strike due to a corrupt and exploitative upper management. Once again, there were about 200 phones in inventory, 5 different kinds of em.. and we took them all out and spent the duration of our day (about 4 hours) switching the bataries, instructions, chargers, etc anything we could think of to switch em around. Everytime management (Shawn the midget) would call James to see how many phones we “had out” he would just say ..
“Let me call ya back I’m with a costumer” I know it sounds stupid but it’s something we’ve always wanted to do just so we wouldn’t have to hear his retarted/depressing motivational speeches. God, those were the worst. James also was the man responsible for orriginaly installing the computer into the kiosk. Which also took him a few hours to do. You know, get the wires through the maze of holes in that wooden framework. James ripped those wires out within seconds. Reports later told us that it took them a good 3 and a half days of putting shit back together again before sales could commence, just Bruckner and Shawn the midget at the time. I'm still so proud how we handled this..they've always prided themselves on their shadyness and how ppl get fired over night for lack of effort (or basically how they can fuck their employees). They’ve always bragged about how entire staffs at other malls have been fired no apparent reason. Well guess who's bending over on this one? This is a story that Jim n I can’t wait to tell our kids at babe ruth practice or whatever.. this is how you need to handle your shit.
6. “You wanna be a pussy… I’ll give ya something to be a pussy about!”
An LJ entry not to long ago.. Aug 31st actually.. never mind I guess that was a while ago. I beat the shit out of this kid for stealing my beer, you can reread that entry for the comical perspective of it all but this whole situation really got me thinking. Now this kid did not fight back what so ever and he was bigger than me, now all things being even he probably was and is an absolute vagina. But just bare w/ me on this one… think of your typical bad guy in movies, cuz there is two kinds. One is the bad guy who you cannot relate to, and just wants world domination for absolutely no real apparent reason or just has a screw loose i.e. your typical james bond villain or John Travolta in sword fish. The other bad ass is Ed Norton in American History X. Which one is more intimidating and or more affective.. the obvious answer is Ed Norton- because he’s not just physically over powering like the others, instead he is also psychologically overpowering. The shit he says in that movie is very convincing and you see (disturbingly so) where he’s coming from. Bottom line is if you convince your opponent that you’re in the right, and they’re the asshole; I believe it doubles your chances in any fight. It’s psychological warfare. It’s kinda like at highschool basketball games when you got buddies in the stands screaming at #34 on the other team i.e. Team Stefanski. Eventually you get in their head and you have them thinking they’re supposed to lose. Which I think this is definately what I did here, I follwed the kid around n heckled n lectured him about the ethics of steeling beer from ppl.
5. “Snake the Unsnakeable”
Well unfortunately this year of 2003 has been the year of the DUI w/ a disturbing number of my friends. I’m not one to name names or anything, nor am I the type to rub it in your face that I passed one of these tests pretty damn cocked on a 30 degree hill drop.. where its difficult to do the “standing on one foot while touching your nose” routine sober! It was a dark stormy, mysterious night, lightening rippled through the clouds… just like tonight and all odds were stacked against me… and u can read all about it on May 23rds issue “Snake the unsnakeable and fuck motel sex”
4. One of the more classic evenings ever -Mardi Gras night
Yup this was the night that sadly has to be remembered as the night Don got into his car accident.. but if you can just pretend that whole car accident thing never happened the sequence of events were hysterical. Don got thrown out of Pub for getting caught read handed stealing beers from behind the bar…
“And when I say he got thrown out,, he got THROWN OUT.. the guy literally picked don up over his shoulder..”-Pat Flanagan.. This one is good enough, that I gotta copy n paste some of it. It’s too much of a delight to read. This LJ is def one of the greatest hits n always picks me up when I’m bored..
"Benoit! I just made out with 6 girls !!" -brasco
"Dude I just made out with 3 of the same chicks u just did,, I felt like I just kissed you HAHAHA"- Keeler
And I turn my head to see the chick bartender pointin at me summoning me over, then I noticed a shot glass in her hand. SIGN ME UP! So she then gave me a shot or two.. Chip n Dale continued to hang out by the bar and recieve a lot more than just a couple shots each.
So I then am busy scoutin through the crowd and workin on my second prospect for this evenin. I finally find one and am dancin with her for a bit when flanagan comes up from behind n taps my shoulder
"Dude Don just got kicked out the back door!"
I rolled my eyes "Oh god what now"
"He was stealin beers from behind the bar!"
(Post game play by play via pat)
"So Don is workin on his 4th or 5th stolen beer of the night....so he grabs it then out of nowhere 'Lightening Bolt' (stout but very bulky bouncer w/ lightening bolt tattoo, he's the biggest male cheerleader for uconn) came down wrapped both his arms around don's torso. Picked him up and carried him over his shoulder, out the back hallway...I went through the door marked 'employees only' to follow him when a large black man got in my face 'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING' i'm like 'I just wanted to make sure everything's alright' 'Well then get going you fuckin faggot'."
These bouncers are no joke here huh lol. So I continue to dance with this chick, ignoring brasco's calls, my premating rituals j/ couldn't be disturbed.
So the bar finally had last call around 1245 or 1 and I peaced out girl in hand.. And guess what? My fuckin jackets missing! So in my fury and knowing that I had done nothing for Karma to do this to me... I decided to take Karma into my own hands and stole a very sporty LJ (Leather Jacket). And I run into Chip n Dale aimlessly lost around north...and James happens to be wearing my Jacket. So we exchange our jackets. And I leave them w/ this girl embarking to my room and figuring they would go to lauries like they said they would countless times.
So on the walk with this girl back to my room there really were some classic lines.
"I donno if I should do this.. I gotta get up at 730 for practice tomorrow!"
"Don't worry about it I'll give ya a ride, I got my car right there (bullshit lol)"
"Oh I donno"
"Look I don't care" and I walked faster in attempt to lose her
"no no wait"
"ok what?"
"Ok i'll go back but I'm gonna go to sleep right when we get back" Like what am I doing running a fuckin hotel here?
"Thats fine by me i g/ get up at 8 anyway for a class”
Finally we get back to my room and Davie seems to be asleep, so we chill on the futon. We start making out, whatever, and half the time she keeps sayin
"Are you sure he's asleep wa wa"
"yeah yeah he's sleepin like a baby" Now believe it or not, Dave doesn't sleep like a normal person. He doesn't snore or have a regular breathing pattern like everyone else. So him j/ chillin there sounds j/ like when he's sound asleep. So sooner or later chip n dale came around. They couldn't find laurie's dorm which is about 100 yards away from mine in this complex campus. So I hear in the back of my head
"MAX BENOIT WHERE ARE YOU!!" James is yelling at the top of his lungs outside. I guess he got my neighbors room and he woke them up and they directed him to my window. Then we heard a DSHZZ DSHHZZ that's him bangin on my window now. Now we're just in our own world makin out and what have you, when...
"Max you wanna let your fuckin asshole friends in, I'm tryin to sleep here" from the top bunk.
"Maybe you should listen to him" she said
"ahhh fuck ..alright"-me. So now I leave the room to go deal with the lost boys. I explain to them that I gotta girl in my room, and I call Laurie up and told her my situation..her being sympathetic of my situation and the greatest girl ever agreed to come over and meet the boys n take em back to her dorm. I could definately tell that they were both in rare form. They had been fighting like a couple of 3rd graders in rediculious drunken stoopers. I've only speed this drunk once before, it's an indescribable drunkenness. He is rediculiously difficult, you say up he says down, u black he white... on stubborn latino. So this is what Laurie had to deal with, oh and I gave her explicit directions to get Don and James' id's from em for if they ended up leavin with em the next day it'd really fuck my friends here. ANYWAYS
So I go back to the room and guess what? She's gone lol.
(Post game commentary via Davie)
"Right when Max left...I never seen anyone pull their pants up , grab all their shit and dart out of a room so fast in my life. She was out of this room like a woman in a job that requires reason and accountability" -thanks dave for the commentary.
At this point it was time for me to go to bed cuz I really did have an 830 class the next morning. Little did I know the mayhem the night had in store...
I wake up at 730 from a call from Laurie, since I use my cell as my alarm clock I mistook the call for my alarm clock...
"Hello...No way...Don's missing...no shit..holy shit I'm late for class I'll call ya back"
And then I came to my senses and realized my class was indeed at 830 and called her right back
and this is where I hear about all these antics from last night
"So I go through all this trouble to make Don his bed out of my fold out couch..ya know I laid him out sheets all nice and everything (maternal instincts so sexy these days)...and he refuses to lay on it, he j/ sat on my chair..and I'm like 'you're impossible' and go to the room next door for a minute...I come back and Don's trying to climb in bed with my roommate...who is on the top bunk so he keeps fallin down.. Mind you my roommate never parties, she doesn't drink, she has a long term boy friend SHE'S SO NOT LIKE THAT"
You could only imagine what Don's putting this poor girl through as he keeps fallin off lauries (bottom bunk) bed in attempt to get up there. On top of this, again this is a tuesday night, and WED is usually everyones tough day here. So Don finally gets to sleep, but the mayhem isn't over yet.
(Post game commentary via Eileen (sp?), Lauries roommate)
"So I'm just about to fall asleep, when I hear water hitting the ground. I open my eyes and see Don peeing all over Lauries notes and piles of clothes. I'm like 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING...HELLO...DON, WAKE THE FUCK UP'"
Apparently Don pissed all over laurie's notes, magazines, and pile of clothes...an all together wingspan of about 5 or 6 feet. So I guess they finally wake him up, and he full heartidly believes he didn't do this. I can personally vouch that these things do happen and it's just a drunken sleep walk, more so sleep walk I say, and this is purely the subconscious..in other words you don't remeber it.
(Back to Laurie commentary)
"So then I made him clean it up..and he was so pissed. He tried tellin me my roommate did it. I'm like 'Ok don, Eileen got down here, popped a squat and wabbled around so she could get all my clothes and notes when the bathroom is j/ down the hall!!??' And then he called me stupid and a 'Meanie Head' I mean who calls someone a ‘meanie head??’”
And the rest is history… if that’s not what the top ten list is all about I don’t know what is.
3. “I’m great on top”
No way in hell could I forget this one Jay. This may be one of the greatest stories ever… here’s an excerpt from Jay’s lj-
“So i'm thinking, go from a high tension situation to bangin a roomate and sleepin in a bed, sounds like a better idea. So i stumble my way down to julia gulias room , her roomate about a handle bottle later and now offering a warm bed started becoming a bit more attractive. So i hope right in after a brutal attack from my buddy julia. This is when i believe the old cleche "shit hit the fan" comes in to play. I really felt for me to hook up with this girl would be making up for her sacrificing her bed at my expense. so she hops in with me and is not at all hesitant to start going at it with me. So now its just me and her up and shes really getting outta control. Now if your under 18, this is where you should stop reading. Now this girl has it out now and really working it, and suggest its time to get to the hardcore. She says that she can't just yet because her roomates aren't completely asleep yet, and says at 4 am. Now its only about 3 at this point, so im like fuck that im going to bed, i got no sleep last night theres no way i'll be able to function at four, i suggest set an alarm for me, but she keeps me awake. So now she responds, dick in hand "i love it on top I’m great on top". So im thinking, hey, maybe this isn't that bad of an investment, might as well do it if its just going to be falling into my hands. Well the clock strikes 4, and im prepped up ready for the big game, and guess what??? Shes too tired now, and apologizes. Now I had been working on a buzz for 35 hours with 3 hours of sleep, and now this girl has wasted my time completely. So i kinda just laugh assuming this must be a joke, and then i relaize, this is no joke, she really made me stay up until 4 am with her for nothing, when i could of been sleeping or still gettin cocked with my friends. Needless to say i wasn't happy, i told her to get out of the bed, hit her with a pillow and a cove on her way down. Funny thing was she went and tried to sleep in the hall way, who does that????? I end up getting a good nigths sleep after all”
I think I speak for us all when I say “well done, Jay.” Kicking this bitch out of her own room… fannntastic
2.Wet N Wild AT WPI!
A little tribute to alex’s frat “ATO”.. coolest frat ever. Last time I was there the ‘brothers’ were telling me how people still talk about this party and that many think it was the best they’ve ever had in their history. Drunken girls in bathing suits and underwear partying it up in the pina coolada foam on a freezing night in October. Did not get much better than this. And to be honest I would be surprised if they ever do top this one, because from the looks of the most recent party they had it was a bit of a sausage invasion in comparison to the other ones. I guess word has spread about the fruits of this place. I still think I’ll make it back as many times as I physically can though.
1. Bringing home Canada…
Love it or hate it, Don became a legend with this one. JP’s friends from his town talk about the kid like he’s a fuckin god. I always say “if only he liked girls…” This summer Don brought home the bacon, the Canadian bacon. He hooks up w/ a bartender, usually just a bartender is a prize in and of her self because ya gotta figure she’s working and bartenders have usually seen and heard it all and are just stressed out enough with having to serve 100 ppl with out having to worry about some asshole hitting on them. Not only did he hook up w/ her but she came back with us to Connecticut. Just like that. Un fucking real. Hey everyone pick up a glass right now. Donnie- salut.