LEAVE ME ALONE
I do a lot of things during the day, running from room to room. It never fails that every single time I take a break for myself and SIT down for the first time in hours, one or more of the following things will happen within 10 seconds of my ass hitting the couch/chair:
- The baby
will poop. Even if he just pooped, or pooped fourteen times already, he will poop the moment I sit down, especially if I sit with a cup of coffee or a meal. (I swear to GOD he just pooped. Within the 30 seconds it took me to write this first little bit of my blog, he has shat. Be right back. I didn't even make that up.)
- The dog
will want to go outside or come inside. The dog JUST went out you say? Didn't he JUST come in? Why yes, he did. But apparently my lethargy triggers his bladder into a state of emergency. He will bark. Dance. Whine. BARK BARK BARK to the point where I think he's going to piss himself if I don't get up and let him out, only to walk out on the deck, check out the outside temperature or analyze the wind direction, and then circle back and return to the door looking at me like "What? It was important." Repeat about 50 times every day. Also, this dog will lay around approximately 23.75 hours per day, but the second I sit down he will start running around like a maniac demanding to eat. Not while I'm in the kitchen or running laps around the house, only when I've sat.
The kid
will suddenly realize he is on the verge of starving to death or dying of thirst. If he doesn't find nourishment within 30 seconds of him realizing his needs, the end of the world has arrived. If it's not food or drink related, it's usually something like this:
or this:
(This would be Noise Putty in his friend's hair.)
I haven't even gotten to my husband yet, but I am about to give on writing this post because I started it like 3 hours ago and in that time the baby has spilled two drinks, emptied out two drawers in the kitchen, dumped out Jacob's piggy bank, dumped out a bag of dog food, ate some dog food, fell down a couple of stairs, needed milk, needed a snack and needed a change of clothes. Jacob has had two snacks and I'm making his dinner now. And the stupid dog is barking his head off outside wanting to come back in. For the third time. I should have counted the number of times I got up and down off the couch...It has to be at least 20. Maybe I will try writing tomorrow during nap time while Jacob is at school. :-/
- The baby
will poop. Even if he just pooped, or pooped fourteen times already, he will poop the moment I sit down, especially if I sit with a cup of coffee or a meal. (I swear to GOD he just pooped. Within the 30 seconds it took me to write this first little bit of my blog, he has shat. Be right back. I didn't even make that up.)
- The dog
will want to go outside or come inside. The dog JUST went out you say? Didn't he JUST come in? Why yes, he did. But apparently my lethargy triggers his bladder into a state of emergency. He will bark. Dance. Whine. BARK BARK BARK to the point where I think he's going to piss himself if I don't get up and let him out, only to walk out on the deck, check out the outside temperature or analyze the wind direction, and then circle back and return to the door looking at me like "What? It was important." Repeat about 50 times every day. Also, this dog will lay around approximately 23.75 hours per day, but the second I sit down he will start running around like a maniac demanding to eat. Not while I'm in the kitchen or running laps around the house, only when I've sat.
The kid
will suddenly realize he is on the verge of starving to death or dying of thirst. If he doesn't find nourishment within 30 seconds of him realizing his needs, the end of the world has arrived. If it's not food or drink related, it's usually something like this:
or this:
(This would be Noise Putty in his friend's hair.)
I haven't even gotten to my husband yet, but I am about to give on writing this post because I started it like 3 hours ago and in that time the baby has spilled two drinks, emptied out two drawers in the kitchen, dumped out Jacob's piggy bank, dumped out a bag of dog food, ate some dog food, fell down a couple of stairs, needed milk, needed a snack and needed a change of clothes. Jacob has had two snacks and I'm making his dinner now. And the stupid dog is barking his head off outside wanting to come back in. For the third time. I should have counted the number of times I got up and down off the couch...It has to be at least 20. Maybe I will try writing tomorrow during nap time while Jacob is at school. :-/