Dark
How do you not get troubled by these things?
In September, John Butler (musician) said, "the world is fucked up. the world is so fucked up. fuckity fuck fuck fuck. what do you do with that?" to his wife. I guess she said something about love holding strong. And the concert went on to this amazing fucking amazing song, acoustic, beautiful, breathtaking, transcendent.
I'm sad.
For other people. Their hardships.
My ache.
I've got it good. I don't feel guilt for that. I feel guilt when I don't hurt with other people, sometimes; I feel confusion when I don't help people because it's my dad's skepticism leaking into my brain; I feel horrid sorrow pumping through my blood when I do hurt with others and it clogs my throat. Is this some weird martyrdom complex? I can't get my mind of these horrid events that have happened recently. Fuck. And truely, is this a representation of my own feelings--my exhaustion, my tiredness of school, my disappointments? And does that change anything?
I want to dance. Sway. Meditate and move.
-deep breath-
Here is the plan for tomorrow.
*Class from 9-1ish, watching Spellbound and having a potluck that I won't bring anything for.
*Photolab at some point, printing. Maybe should buy photo paper so I can stop mooching off Elise (I'm going to pay her!!)
*Knit
*Go sit in a cafe and read/write
*Swim at night, because nights are the worst--- ooh, and Lost is on at 9. <3
That's what you do. You exist, take joys, the like.
Home in a week.
In September, John Butler (musician) said, "the world is fucked up. the world is so fucked up. fuckity fuck fuck fuck. what do you do with that?" to his wife. I guess she said something about love holding strong. And the concert went on to this amazing fucking amazing song, acoustic, beautiful, breathtaking, transcendent.
I'm sad.
For other people. Their hardships.
My ache.
I've got it good. I don't feel guilt for that. I feel guilt when I don't hurt with other people, sometimes; I feel confusion when I don't help people because it's my dad's skepticism leaking into my brain; I feel horrid sorrow pumping through my blood when I do hurt with others and it clogs my throat. Is this some weird martyrdom complex? I can't get my mind of these horrid events that have happened recently. Fuck. And truely, is this a representation of my own feelings--my exhaustion, my tiredness of school, my disappointments? And does that change anything?
I want to dance. Sway. Meditate and move.
-deep breath-
Here is the plan for tomorrow.
*Class from 9-1ish, watching Spellbound and having a potluck that I won't bring anything for.
*Photolab at some point, printing. Maybe should buy photo paper so I can stop mooching off Elise (I'm going to pay her!!)
*Knit
*Go sit in a cafe and read/write
*Swim at night, because nights are the worst--- ooh, and Lost is on at 9. <3
That's what you do. You exist, take joys, the like.
Home in a week.