Insomnia and the Wandering Mind
I've not been feeling very well this week. My neck has suddenly decided to act up again. I'm having, yet again, serious pain and loss of mobility (fabulous, right before going out of town and just when I'm really busy with work).
So, it's been early nights to bed, with my two very dear friends, Mr Vicodin and Ms Valium. Now, I'm not exactly a light sleeper, neither with or without the drugs, however, I do have insomnia from time to time. If I fall asleep, and something wakes me, I don't fall back to sleep. Guess what? Some lunatic that decided to pace in front of my apartment, talking loudly on the phone has woke me up.
What's so bad with that? I've got so many things on my mind right now that there are not enough drugs in the world to put me back to sleep. When this happens, usually the best thing I can do is write to empty my head... hence, "this"!
I've noticed that lately I've been much more "snippy" with everyone, my friends, my family, hell, even people I don't know. In short, I'm acting like I have permanent PMS. Of course, I have so much stuff on my mind, so many things to going on in my life and on top of that, I'm depressed (again), stressed out and just irritable.
Right now, very few people can even speak to me without me getting totally bitchy. What's worse, this week I'm swamped at work and then my freaking neck starting flaring up. I was offered help for my jobs, but if I take the help, that's less money for me, and granted, with as bad as this week is, the help would be greatly appreciated, but the food next month is probably much more needed.
So, one down, two apartments to go before the weekend. Normally, that's no big feat, however, with the pain I'm in, and me moving slower than normal, it might be a problem. Also, with prior commitments of a company dinner on Thursday night (which means no working late that day) and not being able to get into the third apartment until Friday late afternoon at the earliest, means I'll probably be stuck working Friday night and part of the day on Saturday.
Working Saturday morning wouldn't be such a bad thing, but Friday night might be an issue since that's really the only time I have for "date night" before going out of town. And if I don't leave him time before the trip, he'll get whiny and bitchy, and that's the last thing I want to travel with. because he'll be calling me constantly while I'm gone.
This weekend is a Halloween party that I've been looking forward to the whole month. I'm going with one of my friends, but from talking to him, he's going to want to stay at the hostess/host's house that night so that we won't have to endure the long, boring drive home. Now, normally, that would be fine with me, but now.... With everyone making plans to crash on the living room floor, it may not be likely I'm going to be able to go since I need to be home to prepare for the next day. The on-again/off-again will be here at 11am to pick up Kismet and the car will be here at 11:30am to take me to the airport, and well, I'm going to have to be able to function in Vegas the next day.
Because of work and the trip, I can see I need to rearrange and sacrafice. The last thing I want to do is cancel going to the party, especially since for the past five Saturdays in a row I've sat at home either because of arguements with the on-again/off-again or cancelled plans. I NEED A GOOD NIGHT OUT!!! But wait, I'm headed to Las Vegas Sunday morning, WHY would I whine about missing a Halloween party? Why? Because I've not seen my friends in FOREVER. Because I've not been out since the beginning of September. Because I feel stifled, stressed and tired of seeing the same four walls and people around my apartment community.
Good God, no wonder I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown! Going away was to help me regroup, but shit, if I actually went out of the house, got away from my apartment complex and neighbors, was actually able to go out with people I like rather than just the on-again/off-again, hell, I'd probably be nicer to everyone around me. I probably wouldn't feel as if I'm going to kill people or have a mental breakdown.....
Damn *giggling* I really do spew off psychotic ramblings when I'm having insomnia, but ya know what? I think I at least figured out the root of my attitude. *deep sigh of upcoming relief* However, most of my stress will be lifted on Sunday before the plane lifts off the ground. Hopefully after my "mini vacation" I can come home to a calmer homelife and a happier outlook again..... Wish me luck!
So, it's been early nights to bed, with my two very dear friends, Mr Vicodin and Ms Valium. Now, I'm not exactly a light sleeper, neither with or without the drugs, however, I do have insomnia from time to time. If I fall asleep, and something wakes me, I don't fall back to sleep. Guess what? Some lunatic that decided to pace in front of my apartment, talking loudly on the phone has woke me up.
What's so bad with that? I've got so many things on my mind right now that there are not enough drugs in the world to put me back to sleep. When this happens, usually the best thing I can do is write to empty my head... hence, "this"!
I've noticed that lately I've been much more "snippy" with everyone, my friends, my family, hell, even people I don't know. In short, I'm acting like I have permanent PMS. Of course, I have so much stuff on my mind, so many things to going on in my life and on top of that, I'm depressed (again), stressed out and just irritable.
Right now, very few people can even speak to me without me getting totally bitchy. What's worse, this week I'm swamped at work and then my freaking neck starting flaring up. I was offered help for my jobs, but if I take the help, that's less money for me, and granted, with as bad as this week is, the help would be greatly appreciated, but the food next month is probably much more needed.
So, one down, two apartments to go before the weekend. Normally, that's no big feat, however, with the pain I'm in, and me moving slower than normal, it might be a problem. Also, with prior commitments of a company dinner on Thursday night (which means no working late that day) and not being able to get into the third apartment until Friday late afternoon at the earliest, means I'll probably be stuck working Friday night and part of the day on Saturday.
Working Saturday morning wouldn't be such a bad thing, but Friday night might be an issue since that's really the only time I have for "date night" before going out of town. And if I don't leave him time before the trip, he'll get whiny and bitchy, and that's the last thing I want to travel with. because he'll be calling me constantly while I'm gone.
This weekend is a Halloween party that I've been looking forward to the whole month. I'm going with one of my friends, but from talking to him, he's going to want to stay at the hostess/host's house that night so that we won't have to endure the long, boring drive home. Now, normally, that would be fine with me, but now.... With everyone making plans to crash on the living room floor, it may not be likely I'm going to be able to go since I need to be home to prepare for the next day. The on-again/off-again will be here at 11am to pick up Kismet and the car will be here at 11:30am to take me to the airport, and well, I'm going to have to be able to function in Vegas the next day.
Because of work and the trip, I can see I need to rearrange and sacrafice. The last thing I want to do is cancel going to the party, especially since for the past five Saturdays in a row I've sat at home either because of arguements with the on-again/off-again or cancelled plans. I NEED A GOOD NIGHT OUT!!! But wait, I'm headed to Las Vegas Sunday morning, WHY would I whine about missing a Halloween party? Why? Because I've not seen my friends in FOREVER. Because I've not been out since the beginning of September. Because I feel stifled, stressed and tired of seeing the same four walls and people around my apartment community.
Good God, no wonder I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown! Going away was to help me regroup, but shit, if I actually went out of the house, got away from my apartment complex and neighbors, was actually able to go out with people I like rather than just the on-again/off-again, hell, I'd probably be nicer to everyone around me. I probably wouldn't feel as if I'm going to kill people or have a mental breakdown.....
Damn *giggling* I really do spew off psychotic ramblings when I'm having insomnia, but ya know what? I think I at least figured out the root of my attitude. *deep sigh of upcoming relief* However, most of my stress will be lifted on Sunday before the plane lifts off the ground. Hopefully after my "mini vacation" I can come home to a calmer homelife and a happier outlook again..... Wish me luck!