2011 Christmas
So it's Christmas morning... er... afternoon now, and I'm sitting alone in a house that I'm watching over the holidays for a coworker. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture? Not to be a downer, but this hasn't been my favorite Christmas. More than any other, this year I've feel more alone than ever, and have been left wondering what the hell is going on with my life.
I suppose it wasn't the best idea to commit to watching another house during my most beloved time of year, putting me in isolation so to speak. However, it's not just that. Our annual family party always falls on Christmas Eve, where about 15+ relatives show up to our house, we partake in pizza buns and martinellis, chat and open gifts. This was the first year that my younger sister brought the boyfriend. Up till then it had always been her and I together at the party. And when the house was quiet again, wrapping paper strewn on the floor and the kitchen topped to the ceiling with dishes, we would settle down for the tradition of watching Christmas Vacation. Not this year. Her and Rian took off as the night wound down, and I was left. It literally was like a pit in my stomach that hasn't left yet. It was the first time that I felt so much like the odd man out. Always to make the wound worse is the fact that my immediate family is just not close as other families are. Don't get me wrong, I dearly love them. But we don't spend time together. I know to many this is such a sad fact, but when it's all you've known it's your normal. However, the ironic fact is that I am extremely family oriented in my nature. I find myself craving it SO badly. Kids running around the house, games being played, baking together, inside jokes being laughed about... it's all I've ever wanted. But I just don't come from a family that has that environment. I suppose that is why I can't wait to have my own family one day, when I will make sure that type of atmosphere is felt.
One of my most loved Christmas movies is The Family Stone. While it does have a more somber tone at its core and is less fluff than one might expect out of a holiday film, what resonates with me so deeply is the family dynamics portrayed. Four kids grown with significant others, grandchildren, all gathering back at the parents house for Christmas. There are fights, laughter, and merriment one would come to expect from that big of a family being together. But despite the imperfections, I find perfection. It's this version of perfection that I've also been blessed to feel through other families that I've attached myself to throughout the years. One of the reasons Wenatchee still has such a strong pull on me is the fact that I am always welcomed into a beloved families that provide me with this atmosphere I long for.
I know God has a plan for my life, and that He created me with the desires of my heart. I suppose the silver lining when you're at the bottom is that you can only go up. I just have to believe that the greatest plans along my path have yet to unfold. Merry Christmas to you all... please be thankful for your families and the warmth they give you this time of year.
I suppose it wasn't the best idea to commit to watching another house during my most beloved time of year, putting me in isolation so to speak. However, it's not just that. Our annual family party always falls on Christmas Eve, where about 15+ relatives show up to our house, we partake in pizza buns and martinellis, chat and open gifts. This was the first year that my younger sister brought the boyfriend. Up till then it had always been her and I together at the party. And when the house was quiet again, wrapping paper strewn on the floor and the kitchen topped to the ceiling with dishes, we would settle down for the tradition of watching Christmas Vacation. Not this year. Her and Rian took off as the night wound down, and I was left. It literally was like a pit in my stomach that hasn't left yet. It was the first time that I felt so much like the odd man out. Always to make the wound worse is the fact that my immediate family is just not close as other families are. Don't get me wrong, I dearly love them. But we don't spend time together. I know to many this is such a sad fact, but when it's all you've known it's your normal. However, the ironic fact is that I am extremely family oriented in my nature. I find myself craving it SO badly. Kids running around the house, games being played, baking together, inside jokes being laughed about... it's all I've ever wanted. But I just don't come from a family that has that environment. I suppose that is why I can't wait to have my own family one day, when I will make sure that type of atmosphere is felt.
One of my most loved Christmas movies is The Family Stone. While it does have a more somber tone at its core and is less fluff than one might expect out of a holiday film, what resonates with me so deeply is the family dynamics portrayed. Four kids grown with significant others, grandchildren, all gathering back at the parents house for Christmas. There are fights, laughter, and merriment one would come to expect from that big of a family being together. But despite the imperfections, I find perfection. It's this version of perfection that I've also been blessed to feel through other families that I've attached myself to throughout the years. One of the reasons Wenatchee still has such a strong pull on me is the fact that I am always welcomed into a beloved families that provide me with this atmosphere I long for.
I know God has a plan for my life, and that He created me with the desires of my heart. I suppose the silver lining when you're at the bottom is that you can only go up. I just have to believe that the greatest plans along my path have yet to unfold. Merry Christmas to you all... please be thankful for your families and the warmth they give you this time of year.