Some things have already waited too long to be said
Deep down I'm tired
& disillusioned of it
But yet I seek it out
sensationalized media
proclaiming the latest
sign of a degenerate society
NEWSFLASH
Transexuals exist!
they live among us
they are not just scary demons
in stories made to keep children tame.
Look out world here we are
our secret lives revealed
Gawk at us on the TV now
as well as on the streets.
We'll pretend not to hear the
echoes of you yelling from
your armchairs now too
or staring silently, swallowing loudly
the threat of us sinking in
Wow! We exist!
I need this sometimes too
to gawk, to see from afar
to stay far from myself
to get away from the
intimacy, the inescapable
intimacy of the self.
Every morning noon & night
here I am.
In all my glory.
WHY WHY WHY
HOW HOW HOW
am I this way?
COULD IT BE?
YES
"IT" IS
I need this replayed for me
a neutral affirmation
observation, really
Yes it is
Yes it is
Yes it is
Yes it is
Yes it is female
Yes it looks male
AMAZING
over and over
a steady rhythm
a steady beating
a thousand small wounds
opened then reopened
never ever healing
the hollow knock of it
distracting in a relaxing way
like tap tap tap tapping
on a baby's bottom
it jarrs me to sleep
I need my sleep
my daily reality erased
Avoiding
Intimacy
Daily
Fluid moments full of doubts. Questions.
What does it feel like to be a woman?
How do you think about your maleness?
What is the weight of it? Where do you carry it?
and where does it sit in your body?
Can you feel it when you laugh?
Or when you move your hands?
Or when you tie your shoes?
When you sneeze?
When you smile at your lover?
Where is it?
Mine doesn't make sense
Can you share yours with me?
Despite all that I've been through
all I've been told & shown
all the violence & humiliation
both threatened & experienced
I could find no better way than this.
What does that imply for
the human race, & for this culture?
What does that mean to the
man who sold me my first suit,
that fit my female body
like a glove
right off the rack
BAM
Have you ever seen such a
gorgeous man?
What does that mean for you?
It feels damn good to me
Though unexpected, uncertain, undesired,
unwelcome
I found a way to look nice
I don't fit in. I stand out.
Can't win em all.
How would you know?
You would just know.
& disillusioned of it
But yet I seek it out
sensationalized media
proclaiming the latest
sign of a degenerate society
NEWSFLASH
Transexuals exist!
they live among us
they are not just scary demons
in stories made to keep children tame.
Look out world here we are
our secret lives revealed
Gawk at us on the TV now
as well as on the streets.
We'll pretend not to hear the
echoes of you yelling from
your armchairs now too
or staring silently, swallowing loudly
the threat of us sinking in
Wow! We exist!
I need this sometimes too
to gawk, to see from afar
to stay far from myself
to get away from the
intimacy, the inescapable
intimacy of the self.
Every morning noon & night
here I am.
In all my glory.
WHY WHY WHY
HOW HOW HOW
am I this way?
COULD IT BE?
YES
"IT" IS
I need this replayed for me
a neutral affirmation
observation, really
Yes it is
Yes it is
Yes it is
Yes it is
Yes it is female
Yes it looks male
AMAZING
over and over
a steady rhythm
a steady beating
a thousand small wounds
opened then reopened
never ever healing
the hollow knock of it
distracting in a relaxing way
like tap tap tap tapping
on a baby's bottom
it jarrs me to sleep
I need my sleep
my daily reality erased
Avoiding
Intimacy
Daily
Fluid moments full of doubts. Questions.
What does it feel like to be a woman?
How do you think about your maleness?
What is the weight of it? Where do you carry it?
and where does it sit in your body?
Can you feel it when you laugh?
Or when you move your hands?
Or when you tie your shoes?
When you sneeze?
When you smile at your lover?
Where is it?
Mine doesn't make sense
Can you share yours with me?
Despite all that I've been through
all I've been told & shown
all the violence & humiliation
both threatened & experienced
I could find no better way than this.
What does that imply for
the human race, & for this culture?
What does that mean to the
man who sold me my first suit,
that fit my female body
like a glove
right off the rack
BAM
Have you ever seen such a
gorgeous man?
What does that mean for you?
It feels damn good to me
Though unexpected, uncertain, undesired,
unwelcome
I found a way to look nice
I don't fit in. I stand out.
Can't win em all.
How would you know?
You would just know.