fell asleep with stains cake deep in the knees
Distracted by dishwasher retrieval logistics, so didn’t get to these pages until now, even though I’ve been quasi awake since 5 a.m. I say quasi because I feel like a Zombie this morning. Come lunch it’s supposed to be a winter wonderland around here.
Yesterday I hated the world. I couldn’t bring myself to write morning pages, because it would have been pure mental flotsam and jetsam and no one wants to see that, let alone read it. I hermited myself until 3 p.m. when making coin was required and I had to go teach and then mentor and then see my daughter’s choir concert. If that was not required of me, I would have hermited myself further. Today I’m feeling less anti-social, but I am still not in the mood for people. Part of this is that I’m having huge problems with Bean. Which I will detail in the journal dedicated to that miraclebean. I just haven’t been able to “relive” it as it is so painful and crazy-making. But I will. Suffice to say, he’s going through huge med changes (from a cocktail of 8 components to just 3), and he’s having a rough time, which means he’ll do his best (not maliciously or purposefully…his brain doesn’t work that way) to make sure everyone else is having a rough time. It’s also why commitments I made to help with out-of-valley friends and the #occupy movement have gone undone. I cannot leave him alone right now. As it was in the pouring rain on Wednesday I was searching for him on the trails, because he’d skipped school. Not good. As often as I have thought lately about putting stones in my pockets and walking into the Snoqualmie, you can imagine, what I thought he might be doing. My nightmares incarnate.
This morning he seems calmer. Perhaps the storm has passed? I do not know. But it’s left an extra-high pile of work for me because I’ve been dealing with him.
I spent my remaining time yesterday pressed up against my WIP. I made some breakthroughs and therefore expect massive word count today.
Listmania for my sanity:
Meditate
Yoga
Eat Healthy
Drink Water
Day Trippers Writer Gathering (0930-1200 hrs)
Laundry (at least sort until Pnut is done with hers)
WIP Words - get 5k today (I am so far behind in NaNoWriMo)
Operation Organization (Master Bedroom)
Operation Freelance
Take Bean to Pdocs (1530 hrs appointment)
Make Dinner (Za from Costco? Since I will have to drive in the snow to take Bean to his pDoc appointment - couldn’t be better timed - and Tank and Greg have a sports banquet tonight)
Find FSFA password (seriously this modern life requires too many fucking passwords)
Fill our Financial Aid exit interview for Antioch ( - didn’t realize I had to do that)
Family Fun (Movie) Night - Something Wicked This Way Comes (be sure to pick up interesting snack for family fun night - I’m thinking chocolate covered pretzels)
More writing
Reading, too (at docs office and before bed…still need to finish The God Engines and Sugar in My Bowl and Reread Vonnegut book on my bedside table)
Today’s Soundtrack (one hopefully to make me not hate people)
This entry was originally posted at http://caszabrewin.dreamwidth.org/24449.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Yesterday I hated the world. I couldn’t bring myself to write morning pages, because it would have been pure mental flotsam and jetsam and no one wants to see that, let alone read it. I hermited myself until 3 p.m. when making coin was required and I had to go teach and then mentor and then see my daughter’s choir concert. If that was not required of me, I would have hermited myself further. Today I’m feeling less anti-social, but I am still not in the mood for people. Part of this is that I’m having huge problems with Bean. Which I will detail in the journal dedicated to that miraclebean. I just haven’t been able to “relive” it as it is so painful and crazy-making. But I will. Suffice to say, he’s going through huge med changes (from a cocktail of 8 components to just 3), and he’s having a rough time, which means he’ll do his best (not maliciously or purposefully…his brain doesn’t work that way) to make sure everyone else is having a rough time. It’s also why commitments I made to help with out-of-valley friends and the #occupy movement have gone undone. I cannot leave him alone right now. As it was in the pouring rain on Wednesday I was searching for him on the trails, because he’d skipped school. Not good. As often as I have thought lately about putting stones in my pockets and walking into the Snoqualmie, you can imagine, what I thought he might be doing. My nightmares incarnate.
This morning he seems calmer. Perhaps the storm has passed? I do not know. But it’s left an extra-high pile of work for me because I’ve been dealing with him.
I spent my remaining time yesterday pressed up against my WIP. I made some breakthroughs and therefore expect massive word count today.
Listmania for my sanity:
Meditate
Yoga
Eat Healthy
Drink Water
Day Trippers Writer Gathering (0930-1200 hrs)
Laundry (at least sort until Pnut is done with hers)
WIP Words - get 5k today (I am so far behind in NaNoWriMo)
Operation Organization (Master Bedroom)
Operation Freelance
Take Bean to Pdocs (1530 hrs appointment)
Make Dinner (Za from Costco? Since I will have to drive in the snow to take Bean to his pDoc appointment - couldn’t be better timed - and Tank and Greg have a sports banquet tonight)
Find FSFA password (seriously this modern life requires too many fucking passwords)
Fill our Financial Aid exit interview for Antioch ( - didn’t realize I had to do that)
Family Fun (Movie) Night - Something Wicked This Way Comes (be sure to pick up interesting snack for family fun night - I’m thinking chocolate covered pretzels)
More writing
Reading, too (at docs office and before bed…still need to finish The God Engines and Sugar in My Bowl and Reread Vonnegut book on my bedside table)
Today’s Soundtrack (one hopefully to make me not hate people)
This entry was originally posted at http://caszabrewin.dreamwidth.org/24449.html. Please comment there using OpenID.