awakening.
I feel so irrelevant right now. it seems the world is happening around me and I feel like there should be some horrible sitcom based on me and some camera doing a swirling knife fight shot around me as I type and feel the bright sun filter through the closed window shades unto my skin. I am eating ramen out of a cup, because I don't have any clean bowls left and I'm too stressed to wash one. IT's really unhealthy, but right now, I don't care. I have this heavenly feeling, like an out of body experience. it started when I was walking from belmont to division and I was getting really depressed. then I realized how much of a horrible irritating person I was and I wondered how anyone can stand to be around me and I really have no reason to be sad, because I should be happy. I just saw a kitten and talked with friends and I don't have a hangover. I'm sane and I haven't taken caffeine pills in the last 4 hours and nobody hates me(that I know of). But something is weighing on my mind. I feel so strangely friendless. I feel horrible for feeling this way, because it makes me feel like a whiny bitch, but I just feel empty. I wish I had a wonderful friend who I could cling to incessantly and not annoy, someone who I could smoke around and not feel self conscious with, and not be jealous of or feel this need to be more or less uptight around. God how dizzy I feel. like an echo of myself and so empty yet too full. maybe I just need drugs or something, god I'm impatient. I know I'm not going to get any replies and I don't know whether that makes me happy or sad. akk. knifedeathgunshotwounddeadflowersliliesonacoffingrapefruithell. At least my Zippos are full of lighter fluid. now I can be cool and set things on fire. bright red reflections... something lost and never found.