I had more on my mind
I'm having a hell of a time with relationship (and my space bar seems to be broken, time for a new computer).
So there was big grabby hands guy. Totally wonderful. But not healed from his last relationship. So unfortunate.
Prior to BGH there was the wine dude. He was my rebound, sorry to say. He's an amazing, wonderful man, but not completely right for me. We took time apart after BGH entered the picture. Now we're thick as thieves once again. I just don't know how to tell him I never want to sleep with him again, that he just doesn't do it for me at all.
Oh and after BGH left me, I decided to do another six-month vow of chastity. Last time I met Aaron and things worked out beautifully. But with wine dude I know he respects my desire but he also has remembered how much he enjoys getting laid (I broke his two-year dry spell).
I also met this guy off OKCupid. I call him OKCupid guy. I'm obviously so inventive with my nicknames!
Any way, our first date I had loads of fun. We went to a barbecue place (he was completely impressed that I like barbecue) and then Pinkberry. He was crazy but entertaining.
We started hanging out at his place and I would stay the night. He also understood my vow but wanted to get laid. I told him to do whatever he wants when I'm not around. Yes, we kissed and fooled around a little bit but nothing more. I was comfortable visiting him once a week. I got a little bit of affection (honestly he was the worst nighttime cuddler ever!) andfelt like I could still get a guy if I wanted.
He runs a free conversation booth in Long Beach. I've gone a few times and loved it. I met a girl there who does radio journalism. We talked about her potentially being a freelancer for my paper. She seemed so nice and smart.
Then she IMs me one day while I'm at work. We talk shop then she asks me how I found out about the booth. I tell her I went on a date with the guy. She then asks me if he seeing anyone else. I tell her I don't know and don't really care. She presses the issue. Finally she tells me she's seeing him too, and has been for a year. I try to ascertain what their exact relationship is but it's so convoluted. They were dating, then FWB then he wanted to make it official. She says no because she's still healing from her last relationship. After a few months she changes her mind, but oops, too late. He says he likes being single. I don't know when I came in on all this.
I get a hold of him and ask what the hell is going on. He said she's just crazy. In the mean time I've found her relationship blog (the woman creates a different blog for every facet of her life! I mean I have a couple blogs but only because some things are incredibly private for me or are for my closest friends.). She laments that he's been consorting with other ladies, calls us fillies.
I had talked to my other friends about this. They said to trust my own instincts about the boy. My thoughts are to just use him for his body (he's the right height and build). I never wanted a relationship with this man. He does too much to get on my nerves. I feel I can never get a straight or honest answer from him about anything.
I just feel frustrated. I'm 25. I should at least have a steady partner to potentially marry or be considering it. I hate playing the damn what if game. What if I had run away to Vegas with Aaron. We'd be married for more than a year now, maybe discussing the possibility of children.
I just want to know what my future holds. I want the husband. I want BGH. He literally was the man of my dreams. I've never dreamt of anyone as clearly as I have him -- and that was twice!
Oh and crazy girl can have OKCguy. He's not worth the time nor effort.
So there was big grabby hands guy. Totally wonderful. But not healed from his last relationship. So unfortunate.
Prior to BGH there was the wine dude. He was my rebound, sorry to say. He's an amazing, wonderful man, but not completely right for me. We took time apart after BGH entered the picture. Now we're thick as thieves once again. I just don't know how to tell him I never want to sleep with him again, that he just doesn't do it for me at all.
Oh and after BGH left me, I decided to do another six-month vow of chastity. Last time I met Aaron and things worked out beautifully. But with wine dude I know he respects my desire but he also has remembered how much he enjoys getting laid (I broke his two-year dry spell).
I also met this guy off OKCupid. I call him OKCupid guy. I'm obviously so inventive with my nicknames!
Any way, our first date I had loads of fun. We went to a barbecue place (he was completely impressed that I like barbecue) and then Pinkberry. He was crazy but entertaining.
We started hanging out at his place and I would stay the night. He also understood my vow but wanted to get laid. I told him to do whatever he wants when I'm not around. Yes, we kissed and fooled around a little bit but nothing more. I was comfortable visiting him once a week. I got a little bit of affection (honestly he was the worst nighttime cuddler ever!) andfelt like I could still get a guy if I wanted.
He runs a free conversation booth in Long Beach. I've gone a few times and loved it. I met a girl there who does radio journalism. We talked about her potentially being a freelancer for my paper. She seemed so nice and smart.
Then she IMs me one day while I'm at work. We talk shop then she asks me how I found out about the booth. I tell her I went on a date with the guy. She then asks me if he seeing anyone else. I tell her I don't know and don't really care. She presses the issue. Finally she tells me she's seeing him too, and has been for a year. I try to ascertain what their exact relationship is but it's so convoluted. They were dating, then FWB then he wanted to make it official. She says no because she's still healing from her last relationship. After a few months she changes her mind, but oops, too late. He says he likes being single. I don't know when I came in on all this.
I get a hold of him and ask what the hell is going on. He said she's just crazy. In the mean time I've found her relationship blog (the woman creates a different blog for every facet of her life! I mean I have a couple blogs but only because some things are incredibly private for me or are for my closest friends.). She laments that he's been consorting with other ladies, calls us fillies.
I had talked to my other friends about this. They said to trust my own instincts about the boy. My thoughts are to just use him for his body (he's the right height and build). I never wanted a relationship with this man. He does too much to get on my nerves. I feel I can never get a straight or honest answer from him about anything.
I just feel frustrated. I'm 25. I should at least have a steady partner to potentially marry or be considering it. I hate playing the damn what if game. What if I had run away to Vegas with Aaron. We'd be married for more than a year now, maybe discussing the possibility of children.
I just want to know what my future holds. I want the husband. I want BGH. He literally was the man of my dreams. I've never dreamt of anyone as clearly as I have him -- and that was twice!
Oh and crazy girl can have OKCguy. He's not worth the time nor effort.