How many calories did I consume in thirty minutes?
A few months back, I heard that KFC has released what is possibly the craziest idea for a burger ever. The Double Down, as it was called in the United States, had slices of bacon, some cheese and some mayonnaise in between two chicken breasts... and just that. It's what you'd literally call a chicken sandwich.
A month or so later, I heard that another restaurant released a sandwich that will one-up the Double Down: a chicken sandwich - this time, the chicken is the bit in the middle, but it's between two grilled cheese sandwiches. Or maybe that was a Stephen Colbert joke. I don't really remember. I have the tendency to dismiss such things as something only the Americans would do, because they love oily food like that. And besides, the Filipinos wouldn't latch on to something like that, right?
I was watching basketball when I saw a teaser that went "(something something), all meat, in one day." I had this surprised expression in my face. "Shit," I went. "They're releasing the Double Down here."
The line at the KFC branch at the Shang was unusually long. Maybe my timing was terrible. I left a little later than usual, and the lunch rush apparently lasted longer than expected. But at least a third of the people in line had these red boxes in their trays. Apparently, the demand for that freak of a sandwich was big.
I did hear that Chris ran out of Double Downs when he tried to buy one a few days ago. Me, I was expecting I'd run out of those, so I made a second plan: try out the Chili Lime chicken, since Trix attests to it. And for a moment, I thought I did run out of those, as on the very moment I got to the front of the line, the servers were getting this "sold out" sign and plastering it over the Double Down display.
"Naubusan na ako?" I went.
"No," she answered.
"Umabot pa ako?"
"Last one."
"Marami ring bumibili, ano?"
She nodded.
My initial reservation with the Double Down was shallow: there wasn't any carbohydrates. I guess we're just used to rice, or to actual bread in sandwiches. KFC was nice enough to have a Double Down-coleslaw-softdrink combo, so I bought that. (I also needed the vegetables.) But, to be safe, I figured I'll buy myself some fries.
The sandwich - should I call it a sandwich? - didn't really look all that appetizing. Or maybe it's just me still grappling, after all these months, with the idea of a chicken sandwich without the sandwichiest part. But I picked it up and took a bite. It was a really, really greasy bite. Then again, what do you expect from a chicken sandwich?
I really should stop calling it a sandwich.
To be fair, it feels like eating a chicken leg without anything else. The downside is, it feels like eating a chicken leg without anything else. Yes, there's a couple of strips of bacon, and a slice of cheese, and some slathered mayo in between those two chicken breasts, but when you bite into it you only taste the chicken. It overpowers everything else, you might as well buy a bucket of chicken.
The coleslaw acted as a chaser of sorts. You'd bite into the... thing, and you'll feel very greasy, and you'd take a spoonful of the cold salad and gulp it down, and feel a change in texture and temperature. I know, that sentence sounded snobbish in a food critic kind of way, but that is how it felt. The fries, suddenly, were an afterthought. But I love the gravy.
In the end, it felt like I gulped down a thousand calories in thirty minutes. Yes, sure, chicken is supposedly leaner than pork or beef. And yes, sure, the breast is the leanest part of the chicken. But that was perhaps the greasiest chicken breast I've ever had. And I eat at KFC fairly often.
So, sure, I felt a little full, but it was in a slightly queasy way. It wasn't a bad dish, I tell you - I can't say it's really good, so I'll just call it "interesting". It's just, well, I'm just really looking for the bread. Coleslaw and fries don't do enough chasing. I felt like a kid who tried to get an extra helping of chicken and messed up big time while doing so. Like, I have gravy stains in my shirt, and my hands are extra sticky, and my waist gained an inch or so. And I have this extra guilty feeling upon realizing that I've contributed to the death of more chickens than usual.
I decided I needed to keep that feeling down, so I thought of buying a sundae. Instead, I bought myself a Starbucks frap - sure, I'm not bent on getting a planner this year, but since I have two stickers already, I might as well, right? I wonder how many calories those are.