This is fantastic. I love the leitmotif of Jiyong being a fish out of water and how it is carried throughout the entire story. I love how you use metaphors of fish and water in unexpected but deeply affecting ways that are visceral and evocative in how they describe the emotions running through; metaphors are tricky things and often spin off into nowhere and don't sufficiently or exactly portray the emotion they are used to present, but yours are fresh and intelligent...and like I mentioned before, unexpected even as they are so fitting with the overarching thematic thread of a fish out of water.
These are my two favorites:
Instead, they float down and ping against his consciousness like fishing hooks in water.
Jiyong goes from one style to the next, coordi-noonas peeling the sweat slicked layers away like a fishmonger sloughing off scales, and then Jiyong is dancing, the mic light in his hand, pressed up to his mouth, and his mind is right there and he’s trying so hard to commit this all to memory, he wishes he had film slots up
( ... )
oh gosh, this comment makes me so happy! i don't even know how to respond, haha.
i'm glad the metaphors didn't come off as over-the-top in this. i've had this piece on my hard drive for a long time; i didn't want to post it because i thought it came off as kind of... self-indulgent, i guess? with the lack of dialogue and everything, i felt like it would get boring easily or something like that. so i'm happy the little smattering of it actually did more good than bad in this case. and alkdgjalk, i wanted it to sort of come off as feeling like you're literally underwater, if that makes sense? like there are things going on but you're still separated from them, somehow, and things keep moving even though you're not. so to hear that you caught the same thing is like... yay! it kinda worked! :DDD
ahhh i'm really .////. right now! i'm honored this was the first big bang fic you read, really really. ;~;
Oh, I really love metaphors, but they have to be used carefully and with a great deal of skill on the part of the writer and you did both. I also love the idea of leitmotifs like this, of an overarching theme and element that carries throughout the story but in a non-obvious way
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i do too! i don't know, i think there's something cool to them. i just like the way language works and turns of phrase and how words fit together. i don't know, i'm rambling. but thank you again!
i think what fascinates me about g-dragon, and most of big bang (and, well... i guess people in general?) is how multi-faceted he/they are. he's such a perfectionist and yet he can't wake himself up on time in the morning; gets embarrassed easily but then wears outfits and hairstyles that are like... what are you thinking? i think most of all he just needs to relax, and i had kind of been feeling the same type of stressful crunch in my own life so i decided to work through that a little bit? idk, maybe we're both just rambling to each other. i hope it's a nice kind of rambling :D
( ... )
I think its more to do with having watched 6 episodes of Durarara today but I read this and it was like an anime in my head. When Seunghyun broke the laptop I saw the plastic debris float for a moment, anger frozen on his face. And when Jiyong was performing it was JUST like an anime performance, him silhouetted against the stage lights and the crowd nothing but black faces with ghoulish mouths gaping.
None of that really had anything to do with anything. I think I'm just trying to say that it was really vivid. And beautiful....
WOW. REALLY BEAUTIFUL. WORDS AREN'T ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING YOU WROTE THIS. i hope the abuse of shift key compensates for that hehe. really love how you wrote jiyong. spot on. saving to my mem <3.
lol shift key! i never use mine when i write comments so we're even on that point, i think.
i find gd really hard to write, so i'm glad he felt real here. and i'm honored you liked this enough to mem it. thank you so much for taking the time to read. :D
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i make music for teenage girls, and i can't do anything better than that.
:( i have nothing for you.
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These are my two favorites:
Instead, they float down and ping against his consciousness like fishing hooks in water.
Jiyong goes from one style to the next, coordi-noonas peeling the sweat slicked layers away like a fishmonger sloughing off scales, and then Jiyong is dancing, the mic light in his hand, pressed up to his mouth, and his mind is right there and he’s trying so hard to commit this all to memory, he wishes he had film slots up ( ... )
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i'm glad the metaphors didn't come off as over-the-top in this. i've had this piece on my hard drive for a long time; i didn't want to post it because i thought it came off as kind of... self-indulgent, i guess? with the lack of dialogue and everything, i felt like it would get boring easily or something like that. so i'm happy the little smattering of it actually did more good than bad in this case. and alkdgjalk, i wanted it to sort of come off as feeling like you're literally underwater, if that makes sense? like there are things going on but you're still separated from them, somehow, and things keep moving even though you're not. so to hear that you caught the same thing is like... yay! it kinda worked! :DDD
ahhh i'm really .////. right now! i'm honored this was the first big bang fic you read, really really. ;~;
Reply
Reply
i think what fascinates me about g-dragon, and most of big bang (and, well... i guess people in general?) is how multi-faceted he/they are. he's such a perfectionist and yet he can't wake himself up on time in the morning; gets embarrassed easily but then wears outfits and hairstyles that are like... what are you thinking? i think most of all he just needs to relax, and i had kind of been feeling the same type of stressful crunch in my own life so i decided to work through that a little bit? idk, maybe we're both just rambling to each other. i hope it's a nice kind of rambling :D ( ... )
Reply
I think its more to do with having watched 6 episodes of Durarara today but I read this and it was like an anime in my head.
When Seunghyun broke the laptop I saw the plastic debris float for a moment, anger frozen on his face. And when Jiyong was performing it was JUST like an anime performance, him silhouetted against the stage lights and the crowd nothing but black faces with ghoulish mouths gaping.
None of that really had anything to do with anything.
I think I'm just trying to say that it was really vivid.
And beautiful....
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no, it's okay! i got what you were saying. thank you so much. i'm stoked you found it beautiful, aldfjalk. ♥
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i find gd really hard to write, so i'm glad he felt real here. and i'm honored you liked this enough to mem it. thank you so much for taking the time to read. :D
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