Moons and Lilies
It's hard to want to write about my life lately. It's hard to try and document something that seems so unreal. How do I capture the magic of the moment on my bland words? I feel like anything I say will pale in comparison to the real thing. But I have to give it a go.
I think I introduced him already... Tim, that is. In the last two weeks, we started out with one amazing date at Lily Mac's in downtown Sunnyvale. We kissed. By the next night, we both knew we were really interested in each other, so I went to his place and watched a movie (Mr. Nobody -- it's AMAZING). We got closer. We opened up to each other. By 7 am I left his place, absolutely swooning. I went to go see Christopher, since he lives just down the street.
Then a few days later, we spent another night together. He took me out to an amazing dinner at Zucca and downtown Mountain View. He treated me to an amazing meal of butternut squash ravioli and kir royale champagne. It was so classy and romantic. We then drove back to his place in newark... Things got a little dicey at this point. i guess his roommate is his ex gf's brother, so there was tension with me being around. He is going to move out obviously. It's just too awkward for him to live there.
this time we took a midnight drive through the mountains; through MY mountains. In an adventure to see the stars, we drove through the hills of La Honda. We eventually came to a clearing in a zigzagged area of the road. It was a quiet place, entirely devoid of all artificial lighting. So we grabbed my sleeping bag and laid down on the road together. We were still. I remembered that maybe if I slowed my breathing, it would feel like the moment was lasting longer.
Deep, slow breaths.
We eventually got back in my car, and he decided he wanted to sleep with me. Not have sex, but just sleep. So he bought us a hotel room for the night in RWC. We rolled around nearly naked, pulling, biting, scratching, yearning for more. But I told him that once I orgasmed with him, there was no going back... I didn't feel ready yet, since it hadn't even been a week.
I left for Lake Tahoe the next day. I spent Thursday through Sunday with Jen, Mel, and Britt.
We had a great first night. Melanie got drunk and kept trying to do accents and kept failing. Brittany and Jen danced around. We all just bonded like girlfriends should. The next night, was unfortunately a disaster. I didn't want to go out to a bar, but I felt like I should try it out since Jen wanted to go so badly. But when we got to the bar (a $25 cab ride there) Jen just walked out of the bar and up to a cab and took off -- she didn't even tell us! We were hysterical, since she abandoned us in a foreign city when we were staying at HER cabin and using HER car. Anyway, we decided to stay at the bar and try and have fun. i eventually started to have a panic attack, so I tried to leave after a few fun karaoke songs. Brittany was so drunk that she didn't realize how upset I was, and she withheld Jen's address so I couldn't take a cab back. Eventually she gave me the address... but she gave me the WRONG one! So I spent $50 in a cab riding around trying to spot the cabin at midnight. I eventually found it and Jen had taken off/wasn't there. She drunkenly took her dad's car and drove to Nevada.
More drama ensued with a guy Mel brought home... err, I guess he followed her home. He was nice, but he totally tried to call me out when I told Mel that he had been hitting on me at the bar.
IT turned out to be pretty funny, because Mel and I had to come up with an elaborate plan to get rid of him, so she called herself from the house phone to make it look authentic and left herself a voicemail. She then within minutes got the voicemail and thought it was Jen and played it back for me lololol
Anyway, the next morning Jen came home and we resolved all the drama of the night. I ended up getting bad cramps and had to stay in bed most of the day. We eventually went out for a nice dinner and just relaxed and played ukulele and puzzles and drank together. Then Sunday we all went snowboarding. We went off-trailing and inner-tubing. It was SO much fun. All in all, the trip was a success. I just hope Jen stops ditching out on us when she gets drunk. I can't trust someone who bails on me all the time like that. And Brittany needs to be more sensitive and empathetic when I'm struggling. She can be so selfish when it comes to going out/activities.
Anyway, I got home and had class the next day. I missed Tim, so we set up a date for that night, I brought my camera and when I arrived he surprised me with my favorite flowers. Rubrum lilies -- stargazers.
I nearly cried. No one has ever bought lilies for me even though they're my FAVORITE. He took my clothes off. He kissed my neck, my back. He touched my face and brushed my hair. He took pictures of me. He told me i was beautiful. He seemed so entranced. the feeling was mutual. I believed him when he told me I was pretty.
I fell asleep with him for just a few hours before heading back home. I slept soundly, though. He doesn't snore. He holds me tight and kisses my forehead periodically. If i didn't know any better, I'd think we were together for months or years. How has it only been 2 weeks?
Days went by. It seemed like months or years. I ached for him :( Finally on Friday Feb 3, He took me out to see a movie -- we saw Chronicle in theatres. it was AMAZING. i loved it. We watched it cuddled up. It was so strange, but I didn't freak out when people were chewing their popcorn loudly. I just focused on his body and the movie. We headed back to his place after the movie.
I guess I should mention that a day earlier Chris O (my ex) had called to invite me to the Sharks game. When I declined, he told me that Brittany advised him to go fuck some random girl and get over me. I realized I was over him entirely when I didn't care. even. a. little. bit.
I actually agreed that he should find someone new.
When I had this epiphany, I realized that my heart was my own again. And since my heart belonged to me, I was free to give it to anyone I please. After that movie with Tim, back at his place, he was respectful of my boundaries. But I kissed him so passionately, I pushed him on his back. I stared into his eyes as I slowly crept backward, my head inching toward his pants.
I took of his pants, then his boxers. I ran my fingers all over his body and then more ready than ever, I gave him head. And I could feel his heart racing. I eventually crawled back up and kissed him. he looked right into my eyes as if it were a question. when I didn't blink, he knew what I wanted. So he made love to me.
Maybe we're just sexually compatible, maybe I haven't had sex in months... maybe he's just really good at what he does, but I came twice right away. Then he grinned and decided to take his turn going down. And holy shit, not to be vulgar, but this guy KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING WITH VAGINA. I have NEVER, EVER had so many orgasms. He fucking rocked my world haaha.
so I was sad. how could this be real? intellectually connected, physically the best looking man I've ever seen, and he knows how to please me?
It seemed like a dream.
The next day, I realized I didn't want to share him. I didn't want to be stressed. so I asked how he felt about labels and commitment, and he gave me the best answer possible. He said he would be my boyfriend, he said that he just wasn't sure if I wanted that.
Oh boy, did I ever :)
So as of February 4th, he became my boyfriend. Exactly on the 2 weeks mark of our first date. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Then the next day we spoke on the phone for hours. He's excited to call me his girlfriend, and I finally feel like I have an equal. Like we are partners. I feel balanced.
On Sunday, I got sick and was home alone. He said he wanted to take care of me, so he came over and he gave me back rubs, went with me to get food, and cuddled with me. He also fixed/installed my TV, and fixed my computer. At one point he found out his mom was really sick and needed to go to the hospital. She lives in London and he was so stressed out. I felt awful for him, so I tried to cheer him up and distract him. He later told me that he would have been a mess without me.
We are so comfortable with each other that it's insane. I can't believe how hard and fast i'm falling for this guy.
As I was falling asleep in his arms, I accidentally mumbled a question, "tim?" i said.
"yes, molly?"
"mmm...could you see yourself loving me?"
I remember hearing a chuckle and a pause. And he said "yes." with the most conviction i've ever heard. He then mumbled something else. I couldn't tell if he said that he do more than see it. I thought maybe he said that.
I told him I could see it, too.
He squeezed me and we both fell asleep.
So here I am now.
I am so ready for this. I deserve this. I love this.
My heart is happy with me.
He wants to be married and have kids within the next 5 years. Just like me! I guess we'll see where this goes.
I think I introduced him already... Tim, that is. In the last two weeks, we started out with one amazing date at Lily Mac's in downtown Sunnyvale. We kissed. By the next night, we both knew we were really interested in each other, so I went to his place and watched a movie (Mr. Nobody -- it's AMAZING). We got closer. We opened up to each other. By 7 am I left his place, absolutely swooning. I went to go see Christopher, since he lives just down the street.
Then a few days later, we spent another night together. He took me out to an amazing dinner at Zucca and downtown Mountain View. He treated me to an amazing meal of butternut squash ravioli and kir royale champagne. It was so classy and romantic. We then drove back to his place in newark... Things got a little dicey at this point. i guess his roommate is his ex gf's brother, so there was tension with me being around. He is going to move out obviously. It's just too awkward for him to live there.
this time we took a midnight drive through the mountains; through MY mountains. In an adventure to see the stars, we drove through the hills of La Honda. We eventually came to a clearing in a zigzagged area of the road. It was a quiet place, entirely devoid of all artificial lighting. So we grabbed my sleeping bag and laid down on the road together. We were still. I remembered that maybe if I slowed my breathing, it would feel like the moment was lasting longer.
Deep, slow breaths.
We eventually got back in my car, and he decided he wanted to sleep with me. Not have sex, but just sleep. So he bought us a hotel room for the night in RWC. We rolled around nearly naked, pulling, biting, scratching, yearning for more. But I told him that once I orgasmed with him, there was no going back... I didn't feel ready yet, since it hadn't even been a week.
I left for Lake Tahoe the next day. I spent Thursday through Sunday with Jen, Mel, and Britt.
We had a great first night. Melanie got drunk and kept trying to do accents and kept failing. Brittany and Jen danced around. We all just bonded like girlfriends should. The next night, was unfortunately a disaster. I didn't want to go out to a bar, but I felt like I should try it out since Jen wanted to go so badly. But when we got to the bar (a $25 cab ride there) Jen just walked out of the bar and up to a cab and took off -- she didn't even tell us! We were hysterical, since she abandoned us in a foreign city when we were staying at HER cabin and using HER car. Anyway, we decided to stay at the bar and try and have fun. i eventually started to have a panic attack, so I tried to leave after a few fun karaoke songs. Brittany was so drunk that she didn't realize how upset I was, and she withheld Jen's address so I couldn't take a cab back. Eventually she gave me the address... but she gave me the WRONG one! So I spent $50 in a cab riding around trying to spot the cabin at midnight. I eventually found it and Jen had taken off/wasn't there. She drunkenly took her dad's car and drove to Nevada.
More drama ensued with a guy Mel brought home... err, I guess he followed her home. He was nice, but he totally tried to call me out when I told Mel that he had been hitting on me at the bar.
IT turned out to be pretty funny, because Mel and I had to come up with an elaborate plan to get rid of him, so she called herself from the house phone to make it look authentic and left herself a voicemail. She then within minutes got the voicemail and thought it was Jen and played it back for me lololol
Anyway, the next morning Jen came home and we resolved all the drama of the night. I ended up getting bad cramps and had to stay in bed most of the day. We eventually went out for a nice dinner and just relaxed and played ukulele and puzzles and drank together. Then Sunday we all went snowboarding. We went off-trailing and inner-tubing. It was SO much fun. All in all, the trip was a success. I just hope Jen stops ditching out on us when she gets drunk. I can't trust someone who bails on me all the time like that. And Brittany needs to be more sensitive and empathetic when I'm struggling. She can be so selfish when it comes to going out/activities.
Anyway, I got home and had class the next day. I missed Tim, so we set up a date for that night, I brought my camera and when I arrived he surprised me with my favorite flowers. Rubrum lilies -- stargazers.
I nearly cried. No one has ever bought lilies for me even though they're my FAVORITE. He took my clothes off. He kissed my neck, my back. He touched my face and brushed my hair. He took pictures of me. He told me i was beautiful. He seemed so entranced. the feeling was mutual. I believed him when he told me I was pretty.
I fell asleep with him for just a few hours before heading back home. I slept soundly, though. He doesn't snore. He holds me tight and kisses my forehead periodically. If i didn't know any better, I'd think we were together for months or years. How has it only been 2 weeks?
Days went by. It seemed like months or years. I ached for him :( Finally on Friday Feb 3, He took me out to see a movie -- we saw Chronicle in theatres. it was AMAZING. i loved it. We watched it cuddled up. It was so strange, but I didn't freak out when people were chewing their popcorn loudly. I just focused on his body and the movie. We headed back to his place after the movie.
I guess I should mention that a day earlier Chris O (my ex) had called to invite me to the Sharks game. When I declined, he told me that Brittany advised him to go fuck some random girl and get over me. I realized I was over him entirely when I didn't care. even. a. little. bit.
I actually agreed that he should find someone new.
When I had this epiphany, I realized that my heart was my own again. And since my heart belonged to me, I was free to give it to anyone I please. After that movie with Tim, back at his place, he was respectful of my boundaries. But I kissed him so passionately, I pushed him on his back. I stared into his eyes as I slowly crept backward, my head inching toward his pants.
I took of his pants, then his boxers. I ran my fingers all over his body and then more ready than ever, I gave him head. And I could feel his heart racing. I eventually crawled back up and kissed him. he looked right into my eyes as if it were a question. when I didn't blink, he knew what I wanted. So he made love to me.
Maybe we're just sexually compatible, maybe I haven't had sex in months... maybe he's just really good at what he does, but I came twice right away. Then he grinned and decided to take his turn going down. And holy shit, not to be vulgar, but this guy KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING WITH VAGINA. I have NEVER, EVER had so many orgasms. He fucking rocked my world haaha.
so I was sad. how could this be real? intellectually connected, physically the best looking man I've ever seen, and he knows how to please me?
It seemed like a dream.
The next day, I realized I didn't want to share him. I didn't want to be stressed. so I asked how he felt about labels and commitment, and he gave me the best answer possible. He said he would be my boyfriend, he said that he just wasn't sure if I wanted that.
Oh boy, did I ever :)
So as of February 4th, he became my boyfriend. Exactly on the 2 weeks mark of our first date. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Then the next day we spoke on the phone for hours. He's excited to call me his girlfriend, and I finally feel like I have an equal. Like we are partners. I feel balanced.
On Sunday, I got sick and was home alone. He said he wanted to take care of me, so he came over and he gave me back rubs, went with me to get food, and cuddled with me. He also fixed/installed my TV, and fixed my computer. At one point he found out his mom was really sick and needed to go to the hospital. She lives in London and he was so stressed out. I felt awful for him, so I tried to cheer him up and distract him. He later told me that he would have been a mess without me.
We are so comfortable with each other that it's insane. I can't believe how hard and fast i'm falling for this guy.
As I was falling asleep in his arms, I accidentally mumbled a question, "tim?" i said.
"yes, molly?"
"mmm...could you see yourself loving me?"
I remember hearing a chuckle and a pause. And he said "yes." with the most conviction i've ever heard. He then mumbled something else. I couldn't tell if he said that he do more than see it. I thought maybe he said that.
I told him I could see it, too.
He squeezed me and we both fell asleep.
So here I am now.
I am so ready for this. I deserve this. I love this.
My heart is happy with me.
He wants to be married and have kids within the next 5 years. Just like me! I guess we'll see where this goes.