O happy day.
Things are shitty. Things are really shitty. I don't even know where I stand anymore. I don't know where we stand. We in a lot of different texts with a lot of different people. All I can think of is to just try and be cool and go with the flow of everything, which is definitely not the easiest thing in the world to do. I just want to scream out all the things I want to say, but at the same time, it would make me look like a fool. The past is starting to regurgitate all the things I thought would never come up again. The future is so uncertain that I'm not sure what to do. All I can do is live in the moment, and that's all I have been doing for about a week now. I thought I had things well worked out and on a predictable path, but little did I know this ride I call life would turn into the biggest roller coaster imaginable. Everything in my life has taken a turn in the complete oppostite direction it was headed. Things are so screwed up that I don't know what to do. My homelife, my school life, my love life, my not love life, plans for my future, plans for now, everything. The past has brought back a few issues that I thought I would never deal with ever again. One of those things being something I'm completely ashamed of and thought would never happen again, yet I find myself crying at night because I know that for a whole day I promised myself it wouldn't happen anymore, and it did. Day after day I promise myself I won't do it...its just so irresistable, I know it will take its toll on me someday and I think about that all the time but still...I can't control it. I thank God for my friends everyday. My real friends. Not fake friends. My real, true friends. I would name names but I don't want to offend anyone. Wow deep entry, I'll be back to make a happier, more enlightful one later on maybe. O and by the way, I'm going to the grocery store if anyone needs me to pick them up some whoop ass!