(no subject)

[whenyoufallrise]

in my mind the past week seems to have been a long one. i have gone running, sprinting, back to things i once found comfort in, or perhaps, still do find comfort in. i love boys. i hate most girls. the fact of the matter is that it appears that i am weird to be a girl and hangout with mostly boys. the truth to this matter is that boys do not bitch, whine, complain, criticize or gossip about me, or about others to me. i must admit though, that recently i have been opening up to the terrifying world of females. i have always had my three close girl friends, audra, whitney and victoria. but the past few nights i have found myself talking more and more to kelsea and lexi as well. this is exciting to me because not only are they girls, but they are big time girls. girls who enjoy talking about makeup, nails, and enjoy french braiding my hair. this is a new experience to me, but so far i love it.
having tony home for a bit was nice too. i can't ever see myself not enjoying his company, so having him here to visit with and vent to is always awesome.
other than that nothing is new. i miss a lot of what i once had, and i think about it every day and every night. basically at all times. i find it very difficult because my heart is telling me something different than my mind. this has never happened to me before, so i truly have no idea how to handle this situation. "there's still time" is what keeps being said, and i just hope the time that is left ends up being enough.