The Vampire Bob Adventures
I might be a little out of it, because I have the sudden urge to share Vampire Bob with all of you. So let me explain how Vampire Bob came to be.
I was talking to averita about Bob Gunton (hey look, it's his real nameeee) being awesome or something, and she said she was picturing him wearing a cape like Darth Vader--I totally forget the conversation so I pretty much think she's crazy right now, but it's all good.
Anyway, somehow I went from cape to fangs, and then it just turned into a thing. So I made a list of Vampire Bob ideas (it could be a sketch or a cartoon or something; I don't even know) during my lunch.
Essential details from Vampire Bob's life
So...that was a journey into the abyss of my brain. Honestly, after the first one I started picturing the Count from Sesame Street instead of him, but I think it could work either way. I'm sticking with the Count for now so my brain doesn't explode from visualizing the grape thing. Uh oh. Too late.
I have vowed not to watch any television until I finish all the papers I have due at the end of the semester (I guess I have 8? It's not that bad since this is, you know, college. But...2 a week, ugh) but I also believe in positive reinforcement--it is, after all, the only thing that works on me--so once I finish the torture of my Money & Congress paper and do a few hours of research for my Reagan/FCC papers, I believe I will let myself watch Patch Adams because I really, really want to. I find him more attractive when he plays really cold, impersonal characters.
I was talking to averita about Bob Gunton (hey look, it's his real nameeee) being awesome or something, and she said she was picturing him wearing a cape like Darth Vader--I totally forget the conversation so I pretty much think she's crazy right now, but it's all good.
Anyway, somehow I went from cape to fangs, and then it just turned into a thing. So I made a list of Vampire Bob ideas (it could be a sketch or a cartoon or something; I don't even know) during my lunch.
Essential details from Vampire Bob's life
- "Just an average guy."
- Quotes Bible incessantly, much to the chagrin of his fellow vampire friends. (This comes from an interview I found with him where he said he wanted to be a priest or something...I find it oddly attractive? Worst atheist ever, clearly.)
- "Vampire veteran." (I also find his whole Vietnam thing oddly attractive. Worst pacifist ever? It's okay, my lesbian membership card has already been suspended because of him.)
- Very philosophical - Social Darwinism = vampirism. He feels an obligation to thin out the herd and considers it a privatized execution of public policy.
- Reagan Republican.
- Morning in America - he's afraid of daylight.
- Tries a career making campaign ads, maybe doing voice-overs for them. (God, sexiest voice-overs ever, am I right?)
- Tried to make it in corporate advertising, but his ads lacked creativity and panache - this resulted in three months during which he consistently drank himself to sleep with the TV permanently tuned to TVLand.
- Lawsuit - he claimed he came up with "Just do it." (I think we can all agree it was Jack Bauer, though.)
- Tragically single (of COURSE) - tried an online dating website and it ended up being a huge failure.
- He loves sucking grapes.
So...that was a journey into the abyss of my brain. Honestly, after the first one I started picturing the Count from Sesame Street instead of him, but I think it could work either way. I'm sticking with the Count for now so my brain doesn't explode from visualizing the grape thing. Uh oh. Too late.
I have vowed not to watch any television until I finish all the papers I have due at the end of the semester (I guess I have 8? It's not that bad since this is, you know, college. But...2 a week, ugh) but I also believe in positive reinforcement--it is, after all, the only thing that works on me--so once I finish the torture of my Money & Congress paper and do a few hours of research for my Reagan/FCC papers, I believe I will let myself watch Patch Adams because I really, really want to. I find him more attractive when he plays really cold, impersonal characters.