(no subject)
I was leaning over my desk to turn up the volume on my speaker to listen to some massive attack and clean...but then I got this overwhelming urge to cling to my desk. Maybe if I shut my eyes as tight as I can and cling to my desk and my chair and my clutter, maybe this whirlwind of change might pass me by, maybe when my muscles finally gave way to fatigue and I loosened my grip and opened my swollen eyes things would all be better, my family wouldn't be falling away from me in pieces I could not hold on to.
In a split second the thought drifted through my head and was shattered on the rocks of reality. We can't stop changes...and I am having a hard time accepting that. I don't want to live here alone, I'm so used to having Rob and Morgan here. I don't want Rob to not be in the next room, I don't want this to be the last night that I get to sing my baby to sleep for two months (...or more?) I'm...thrashing. I wish I knew how to stop.
In a split second the thought drifted through my head and was shattered on the rocks of reality. We can't stop changes...and I am having a hard time accepting that. I don't want to live here alone, I'm so used to having Rob and Morgan here. I don't want Rob to not be in the next room, I don't want this to be the last night that I get to sing my baby to sleep for two months (...or more?) I'm...thrashing. I wish I knew how to stop.