Written - Late-Night Musings

[whattheytellyou]

You know, I'm used to keeping a journal. Even if it was only a few lines written about my observations from the day, even if only to refer to a certain page in my field notebook, I wrote in one daily before I went to sleep

Comments

Private

[mrs_persson]

Snape told me recently that I've become more reserved. I didn't even notice until he'd pointed it out.

I think this is one chapter of my memoirs that I won't be passing on to Mike. For one thing, I experienced the same problem with the repetitiveness of the journal, and for another, he simply wouldn't believe the events that do break the monotony.

Private

[whattheytellyou]

Have you become more reserved?

Private

[mrs_persson]

Something like that. Less irritatingly determined to prove myself, at least, and more cautious.

Which is a path I seem to follow wherever I go, so perhaps that's not terribly unusual.

Private

[whattheytellyou]

I can see how this place might have sapped at some of your eagerness.

Re: Private

[mrs_persson]

This last month in particular has not so much sapped it as sucked it away like a boiled sweet.

Private

[whattheytellyou]

Want to talk about it? Best way to forget my troubles is to listen to yours.

Private

[mrs_persson]

[Small laugh.]

I've been not talking about it for so long, I suppose it can't hurt to try.

I think it all started sliding when Neil Howie left. Then the Sexbys, less than a fortnight later. Then that dreadful flood, the one with the negative versions of ourselves-I never told you what happened to me the first time we experienced that, did I? So there was that, and then O'Brien and Beatty were murdered.

So I've been trying to work my way back from an overwhelming feeling of "sod it all", these last few days.

Private

[whattheytellyou]

That's a lot to take on in the course of a month.

I'll admit, I've been trying to ignore Neil's...well. Ignore it. And the Sexbys. It's probably not the best tack to take with it.

What happened to you the first time around? With the flood, I mean?

Private

[mrs_persson]

I've been avoiding Angelica, I have to confess. Edward is sufficiently different that I don't get the same degree of cognitive dissonance, but she's-Anyway. I can't keep this up forever, of course.

The first time we all got swapped around like that, I wasn't affected by it, just as I was unaffected this time. I did manage to get myself killed, however. By Edward Sexby's evil Puritan counterpart. Suffice it to say that it put me in a rather bad place for weeks. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to get a reprise of events. At least this time, I didn't die.

...Braxiatel tells me that I ought to raise my standards.

Private

[whattheytellyou]

That particular flood seemed to be hard on almost everyone.

What are you going to do about Angelica? You can't avoid her forever, you're right.

Private

[mrs_persson]

Of all the transformations wrought on us here, those were probably the most traumatic, it's true.

All I can do is try and be her friend, and try not to let the non-linear nature of it all interfere. Assuming she wants my friendship in the first place, at this stage in her life. Kindness and help, I suppose, is most of what I can offer.

Private

[whattheytellyou]

Has anyone told her that she was here before? Has anyone told Sexby?

Re: Private

[mrs_persson]

I did. In both cases. I think I may have overexplained it a little, but something needed to be said, since if nothing else I was sure someone would call Angelica "Mrs Sexby". And it seems to have happened at least once or twice, from what she tells me.

Re: Private

[whattheytellyou]

How's she taking the news?

Re: Private

[mrs_persson]

Well enough, all things considered? She didn't reject it entirely or lose her composure, though I imagine she's had quite a lot to take in, and the idea of having been here before in any capacity is probably just one of a large collection.

Re: Private

[whattheytellyou]

Hm.

How's O'Brien? Is he recovering all right?