The Kick-Ass Sagas
Or, Denmark's Very Secret Viking Diary. Now with 100% of your doctor-recommended daily value of fudged old Norse dates. Under continuous construction! Could be quite sporadic, as updates are wholly dependent on whenever Denmark manages to press-gang some hapless monk into transcribing his whims*.
Gói
2
Talked to the Lapp witch today. Didn't get cursed. Put shiny shit in his hair and still didn't get cursed. Still couldn't get money. At least Sverige takes a thousand years to score.
12
Saw big Island today. He was going around punching shit. I think he's going to grow up okay.
13
Got in a fight with Sverige today. He turned me into a girl with witched water, so now I gotta kill him. Sverige turned his future son into a girl, too, so I should probably kill him again.
14
Some brat with white hair grabbed my tits today. I should probably kill him.
17
Norge tried to fix me being a girl today. Got turned into a rabbit instead. Got to touch more breasts as a rabbit, so it's not that bad. Don't have hands, though. Still not king.
Einmánuður
20
Kicked the shit out of some guy with funny hair. Arm got bent the wrong way and I can't feel my head, but I won that one. You should see the other guy.
22
Collected taxes today. Still not king.
26
Got mad and broke shit today. Set some flowers on fire and took candy from a kid. Could not get woman to shut up and get on horse. Still not king.
28
Found out that Prussia eats cats today. Also heard Norge licks cats. Gonna have to tell him not to lick pussies if he doesn't know where they've been, he's gonna get himself a disease.
30
Bathing day today. Got my berserking pelt burned up in a Prussian attack on the meme. Should probably kill him. Will have to go back to Jutland to get another.
Harpa
8
Saw that short guy from out East again today! Not a bad guy. Tried some kind of hot black drink, too.
11
Punched big me in the face because he was being a boring cocksucker today. Feels good, man.
14
Yesterday was my birthday, except I don't have a birthday yet. Got confused. Might need to punch big me in the face again. Today was Sverige's, and he had a lot of strawberries. I think he's holding out on me.
15
Tried licking a pussy today. Tastes like cat. I'm worried about Norge.
17
Caught me a bear today. I'm calling him Bjarni! The pussy is staying, and I'm calling her Eir. Wonder where Sigrún went.
20
Heard about Island's birthday today. Need to get everyone presents. Am thinking books for Norge, that cool thing for Island, and something awesome for Sverige. Nothing for the Lapp, because he's a witch.
--
2
Got in a fight with a Faceless today. They hit me with weird rock-arrows that messed my stomach up bad. Probably even died for a little. It was a good fight.
3
Met the witch again today. Figured he'd go away if I stood really still, but he didn't. He thought I had plague and gave me beer. I don't think I should trust him. But he had beer, so he can't be all bad.
7
Bjarni tried to bite my hand off, so I held him over the edge of a cliff for a bit to scare him. He won't let me pet him now.
9
Faceless tried to make me believe I was pregnant today. Ha! I'm not falling for that again.
10
I got myself a union today! Norge kicked me out of his bed, but it's okay. I'm going to have a union with Meme Country and everyone's going to live at my place and we'll all have plenty of food and real nice future technology and rock-arrow shooters to fight off enemies with. Got to meet the one of us who represents the place, too. She's not so bad-looking, except for the part where she doesn't have a face.
14
Sverige is a dick.
17
Big me took my axe today, so he's a dick. I can't believe I get so boring. And what the fuck is that Mads thing he kept blabbering about, anyway?
*Or, you know, when the mun remembers.
Gói
2
Talked to the Lapp witch today. Didn't get cursed. Put shiny shit in his hair and still didn't get cursed. Still couldn't get money. At least Sverige takes a thousand years to score.
12
Saw big Island today. He was going around punching shit. I think he's going to grow up okay.
13
Got in a fight with Sverige today. He turned me into a girl with witched water, so now I gotta kill him. Sverige turned his future son into a girl, too, so I should probably kill him again.
14
Some brat with white hair grabbed my tits today. I should probably kill him.
17
Norge tried to fix me being a girl today. Got turned into a rabbit instead. Got to touch more breasts as a rabbit, so it's not that bad. Don't have hands, though. Still not king.
Einmánuður
20
Kicked the shit out of some guy with funny hair. Arm got bent the wrong way and I can't feel my head, but I won that one. You should see the other guy.
22
Collected taxes today. Still not king.
26
Got mad and broke shit today. Set some flowers on fire and took candy from a kid. Could not get woman to shut up and get on horse. Still not king.
28
Found out that Prussia eats cats today. Also heard Norge licks cats. Gonna have to tell him not to lick pussies if he doesn't know where they've been, he's gonna get himself a disease.
30
Bathing day today. Got my berserking pelt burned up in a Prussian attack on the meme. Should probably kill him. Will have to go back to Jutland to get another.
Harpa
8
Saw that short guy from out East again today! Not a bad guy. Tried some kind of hot black drink, too.
11
Punched big me in the face because he was being a boring cocksucker today. Feels good, man.
14
Yesterday was my birthday, except I don't have a birthday yet. Got confused. Might need to punch big me in the face again. Today was Sverige's, and he had a lot of strawberries. I think he's holding out on me.
15
Tried licking a pussy today. Tastes like cat. I'm worried about Norge.
17
Caught me a bear today. I'm calling him Bjarni! The pussy is staying, and I'm calling her Eir. Wonder where Sigrún went.
20
Heard about Island's birthday today. Need to get everyone presents. Am thinking books for Norge, that cool thing for Island, and something awesome for Sverige. Nothing for the Lapp, because he's a witch.
--
2
Got in a fight with a Faceless today. They hit me with weird rock-arrows that messed my stomach up bad. Probably even died for a little. It was a good fight.
3
Met the witch again today. Figured he'd go away if I stood really still, but he didn't. He thought I had plague and gave me beer. I don't think I should trust him. But he had beer, so he can't be all bad.
7
Bjarni tried to bite my hand off, so I held him over the edge of a cliff for a bit to scare him. He won't let me pet him now.
9
Faceless tried to make me believe I was pregnant today. Ha! I'm not falling for that again.
10
I got myself a union today! Norge kicked me out of his bed, but it's okay. I'm going to have a union with Meme Country and everyone's going to live at my place and we'll all have plenty of food and real nice future technology and rock-arrow shooters to fight off enemies with. Got to meet the one of us who represents the place, too. She's not so bad-looking, except for the part where she doesn't have a face.
14
Sverige is a dick.
17
Big me took my axe today, so he's a dick. I can't believe I get so boring. And what the fuck is that Mads thing he kept blabbering about, anyway?
*Or, you know, when the mun remembers.