"Sometimes, I wake up crying at night...."
OK so its been a long ass time since I have been on here. Well about two years. Randomly sitting in my room. i thought about this page and how lovely it was so just write and not care who saw it or what they would say to it. SOooo much going on right now. Well since the last time I have written I am now in the Marine Corps living in Japan and about to be a MOMMY in september!!!
I am so lost right now on what to do. My child's father, I love him so much. We were together about 6 months almost while he was here on island and it was good while we were together but when I went on my deployment. he decided to cheat with his ex girlfriend. I ended up staying with him for once and not just walking away but it was so hard. Then we break up like before Xmas and find out on Jan 18th that we were having a baby. IN the mean time there was so much to happen. Like shit with his other ex and all this crazy stuff I dont even know how to explain. But needless to say at first this baby made us so strong and we could last through anything but then the lies came out again and it just made shit even worse. And now I dont even know if I can stand him anymore. I love him I know I do, I have never held on so tightly to something before with no hope in front of me at all for me not to love him. But there is just so much bullshit and I wish shit was so different. He is with his ex again and she is a bitch. Will leave him at the drop of a hat without a thought and he is back with her. I know where I fucked up with him but I dont get why he wants to be with someone that is 18 still in college when he is 25 with his career in line....I dont know....
Everyday that passes, I wonder how am I going to raise this baby? How am I going to do this alone on this island until I get back to the states? Am I really a good enough person to be a good enough mother to this child? Am I really ready for something like this? I really am scared and the bad part is, I have a career I have stable money I have everything there for me and I still am so scared and dont know where to go or where to turn? Being home right now would really help but I made this decision to come here and been gone almost 2 years now and I love it but I do need my family more than anything right now.
Well its late and I think I need to get some sleep to be up and ready to go at 530.
....Why do I miss him so much?...Can anyone answer me that question when all I dealt with was bullshit and lies?....
I am so lost right now on what to do. My child's father, I love him so much. We were together about 6 months almost while he was here on island and it was good while we were together but when I went on my deployment. he decided to cheat with his ex girlfriend. I ended up staying with him for once and not just walking away but it was so hard. Then we break up like before Xmas and find out on Jan 18th that we were having a baby. IN the mean time there was so much to happen. Like shit with his other ex and all this crazy stuff I dont even know how to explain. But needless to say at first this baby made us so strong and we could last through anything but then the lies came out again and it just made shit even worse. And now I dont even know if I can stand him anymore. I love him I know I do, I have never held on so tightly to something before with no hope in front of me at all for me not to love him. But there is just so much bullshit and I wish shit was so different. He is with his ex again and she is a bitch. Will leave him at the drop of a hat without a thought and he is back with her. I know where I fucked up with him but I dont get why he wants to be with someone that is 18 still in college when he is 25 with his career in line....I dont know....
Everyday that passes, I wonder how am I going to raise this baby? How am I going to do this alone on this island until I get back to the states? Am I really a good enough person to be a good enough mother to this child? Am I really ready for something like this? I really am scared and the bad part is, I have a career I have stable money I have everything there for me and I still am so scared and dont know where to go or where to turn? Being home right now would really help but I made this decision to come here and been gone almost 2 years now and I love it but I do need my family more than anything right now.
Well its late and I think I need to get some sleep to be up and ready to go at 530.
....Why do I miss him so much?...Can anyone answer me that question when all I dealt with was bullshit and lies?....