And now back to your regularly scheduled program.
It's the end of the semester. Man, it went by really fast. Looking back on it, I feel like in this semester I've changed immensely, but in many ways I think people can't see. This semester has shown me just how strong I am, and how depending on myself and no one else has so much more benefits then depending on others to make you feel happy. When my last relationship ended, I felt so strong for looking at what I had and realizing that it just wasn't making me happy anymore.
I want to be with someone who gives me a reason to stay. Someone who doesn't make me wonder what my life would be like without them. I want someone to prove to me that my life is better just by having them in it.
I feel like I've been really shallow this semester. Shallow in a sense that I've put my guard up constantly and never really discuss anything really personal or serious subjects with people. I try to just keep everything on the surface. A lot of people have let me down this semester, in really big ways, and I guess I feel like if i don't open up to people, then it won't happen again. Everyone kind of views me as the loud boisterous funny one, So I try to stick to that and not ever get too serious on an issue. Sometimes I miss just opening up to people, or having an intelligent conversation once in a while, but I'm going home soon, and my friends from home are always there.
Don't get me wrong..this semester has been great. I met a lot of cool people, especially the boys down the hall. Honestly I've never met a group of more sincerely nice boys in my life. Although I didn't start hanging out with them til later on in the semester, and I don't know them all too well..they're a nice group of guys and I'm glad they made my end of the semester less boring. I mean, mario kart at 1 in the morning solves pretty much any problem.
It's so weird to think I may be graduating next year. I don't even have a resume made...which I just keep putting off and off. I need to start applying to graduate school soon, and I'm really set on going somewhere in Buffalo. For some reason I just keep finding myself wanting to go back home. It's weird, I always thought that I'd be someone who would want to go off and have adventures and explore the world.. which maybe I will some day, but for right now, going home sounds like the best idea. It's where I feel most settled. I need that feeling to ground myself in before I start forming my real future. Heaven knows where I'll end up or who'll I'll end up with.
Which brings me to my next subject, relationships.
Ending things with my last boyfriend was hard, but necessary as I view it. I needed time to realize how strong I am, and what I have to offer in a relationship.
If someone doesn't seem interested in me, I'm not wasting my time anymore. It's frustrating to have someone not notice you for who you are, so why waste your time when you can find someone who will?
I've always been....energetic, I guess you could say. And I feel like I need to meet someone who has that same feelings towards life. I want someone who instead of just listen to the stupid little adventures I want to go on, embraces them with me and is there for the ride. Summer, although hot weather makes me want to puke because I hate it so much, makes me so anxious. I want to fly kites, go sailing, hike up a mountain, go to the zoo, see a bisons game, have a picnic, have bonfires, go camping, have so many roadtrips my dad's car explodes, and invent a new icecream flavor. And I want to find someone who wants to have that much fun with me. If I don't...that's fine too..My friends from home will always tag along.
I know that all of those things seem childish, but so what? I'm only 21, and I have my whole life ahead of me to "mature" and do "adult" things, but if you can't have fun now...when will you? How can you show your kids how to act like a kid if you can't cut loose once in a while either?
I'll be gone for 6 weeks in the summer to be a Laker Leader here in Oswego, which I hope is fantastic. But I also can't wait to go home in August and have a month to be with my friends from home and remember why it is that they just get me so well. I have amazing friends here at Oswego, but nothing beats the feeling of going home.
Congratulations to everyone I know who's graduating. I know it was definitely a long and hard ride to get that diploma....so be proud grrl!
:)
I want to be with someone who gives me a reason to stay. Someone who doesn't make me wonder what my life would be like without them. I want someone to prove to me that my life is better just by having them in it.
I feel like I've been really shallow this semester. Shallow in a sense that I've put my guard up constantly and never really discuss anything really personal or serious subjects with people. I try to just keep everything on the surface. A lot of people have let me down this semester, in really big ways, and I guess I feel like if i don't open up to people, then it won't happen again. Everyone kind of views me as the loud boisterous funny one, So I try to stick to that and not ever get too serious on an issue. Sometimes I miss just opening up to people, or having an intelligent conversation once in a while, but I'm going home soon, and my friends from home are always there.
Don't get me wrong..this semester has been great. I met a lot of cool people, especially the boys down the hall. Honestly I've never met a group of more sincerely nice boys in my life. Although I didn't start hanging out with them til later on in the semester, and I don't know them all too well..they're a nice group of guys and I'm glad they made my end of the semester less boring. I mean, mario kart at 1 in the morning solves pretty much any problem.
It's so weird to think I may be graduating next year. I don't even have a resume made...which I just keep putting off and off. I need to start applying to graduate school soon, and I'm really set on going somewhere in Buffalo. For some reason I just keep finding myself wanting to go back home. It's weird, I always thought that I'd be someone who would want to go off and have adventures and explore the world.. which maybe I will some day, but for right now, going home sounds like the best idea. It's where I feel most settled. I need that feeling to ground myself in before I start forming my real future. Heaven knows where I'll end up or who'll I'll end up with.
Which brings me to my next subject, relationships.
Ending things with my last boyfriend was hard, but necessary as I view it. I needed time to realize how strong I am, and what I have to offer in a relationship.
If someone doesn't seem interested in me, I'm not wasting my time anymore. It's frustrating to have someone not notice you for who you are, so why waste your time when you can find someone who will?
I've always been....energetic, I guess you could say. And I feel like I need to meet someone who has that same feelings towards life. I want someone who instead of just listen to the stupid little adventures I want to go on, embraces them with me and is there for the ride. Summer, although hot weather makes me want to puke because I hate it so much, makes me so anxious. I want to fly kites, go sailing, hike up a mountain, go to the zoo, see a bisons game, have a picnic, have bonfires, go camping, have so many roadtrips my dad's car explodes, and invent a new icecream flavor. And I want to find someone who wants to have that much fun with me. If I don't...that's fine too..My friends from home will always tag along.
I know that all of those things seem childish, but so what? I'm only 21, and I have my whole life ahead of me to "mature" and do "adult" things, but if you can't have fun now...when will you? How can you show your kids how to act like a kid if you can't cut loose once in a while either?
I'll be gone for 6 weeks in the summer to be a Laker Leader here in Oswego, which I hope is fantastic. But I also can't wait to go home in August and have a month to be with my friends from home and remember why it is that they just get me so well. I have amazing friends here at Oswego, but nothing beats the feeling of going home.
Congratulations to everyone I know who's graduating. I know it was definitely a long and hard ride to get that diploma....so be proud grrl!
:)