Long Lost
Well tis been a hot ass minute since I updated this shit.
Well I moved to Indianapolis into a house with my sister and Craig. It turned into a big fucking mess really. Within the first month the gas got turned off. Which the heat and the hot water was all gas, so no heat no hot water. And it never got turned back on. We never had the money to turn it on because it was such a big fucking bill. Well eventually Derrick moved into the laundry room. I practically moved out for about 6 weeks then moved back in. Lets see then Craig moved out and then Nikki, my sister moved out. My friend Aaron moved in because he was dating Derrick and then they broke up and Derrick moved out. And that is how that whole adventure turned out. That damned mess took one year. In the end I would rather have not moved at all. As for now I am practically a nomad. The main place I sleep is at my moms but I usually just sleep wherever someone will let me.
As for my love life it is an even bigger mess. The gist of everything is that every guy I ever get involved with usually ends up using me for something and leaves quite abruptly. So that has caused a lot of drama in my life. There is one guy that has stayed around and that is Tony. Tony I will admit that I am in love with him. But there is no way in hell that we can be together seriously. We are in totally different places and he doesn't have his life together at all. Hell I have my life more in order than he does. But still I find myself daydreaming about him sometimes. But I am keeping my distance from him. And he is having fun on his own anyway.
There is sorta another guy hanging around my head. Noah, he's a good person and all that. Really good in bed too. But he has made it abundantly clear that there is no light at the end of that particular tunnel. Hell I'm sitting right next to him at his and Maria's house and he is with another girl. So that isn't going to go anywhere nomatter how much i would like to pursue the matter. With him I don't really know what to say about him. He's smart, funny, and it's nice to be around him. We pretty much had a one night stand, but since Maria and I are friends we still interact every now and then. I've never been a one night stand before and I don't really know how to take it at all. I don't really like that particular feeling. So this is an interesting situation that I have gotten myself into.
Anyway, I still have a crappy ass job. I am an assistant manager at a speedway gas station. It is a horrible job that I hate, but i have bills to pay and shit to buy and I work enough to keep myself satisfied.
As for mental issues I am slowly spiraling into another depression stage of my life. I haven't cut in about a year and a half. As for burning myself its been two days. So I don't know if that's really progress or not. It's been on my mind a lot lately as well. I still keep a razor blade with me at all times as sort of a crutch, psychological thing. Lately I've been fighting with myself as to start up again or not. I know I shouldn't at all but damn it it's really hard not to and it's getting harder everyday. I just wish I wouldn't have started in the first place. Atleast I wouldn't have to deal with that bullshit every fucking day of my life.
But that is enough for tonight.
-Meagan
Well I moved to Indianapolis into a house with my sister and Craig. It turned into a big fucking mess really. Within the first month the gas got turned off. Which the heat and the hot water was all gas, so no heat no hot water. And it never got turned back on. We never had the money to turn it on because it was such a big fucking bill. Well eventually Derrick moved into the laundry room. I practically moved out for about 6 weeks then moved back in. Lets see then Craig moved out and then Nikki, my sister moved out. My friend Aaron moved in because he was dating Derrick and then they broke up and Derrick moved out. And that is how that whole adventure turned out. That damned mess took one year. In the end I would rather have not moved at all. As for now I am practically a nomad. The main place I sleep is at my moms but I usually just sleep wherever someone will let me.
As for my love life it is an even bigger mess. The gist of everything is that every guy I ever get involved with usually ends up using me for something and leaves quite abruptly. So that has caused a lot of drama in my life. There is one guy that has stayed around and that is Tony. Tony I will admit that I am in love with him. But there is no way in hell that we can be together seriously. We are in totally different places and he doesn't have his life together at all. Hell I have my life more in order than he does. But still I find myself daydreaming about him sometimes. But I am keeping my distance from him. And he is having fun on his own anyway.
There is sorta another guy hanging around my head. Noah, he's a good person and all that. Really good in bed too. But he has made it abundantly clear that there is no light at the end of that particular tunnel. Hell I'm sitting right next to him at his and Maria's house and he is with another girl. So that isn't going to go anywhere nomatter how much i would like to pursue the matter. With him I don't really know what to say about him. He's smart, funny, and it's nice to be around him. We pretty much had a one night stand, but since Maria and I are friends we still interact every now and then. I've never been a one night stand before and I don't really know how to take it at all. I don't really like that particular feeling. So this is an interesting situation that I have gotten myself into.
Anyway, I still have a crappy ass job. I am an assistant manager at a speedway gas station. It is a horrible job that I hate, but i have bills to pay and shit to buy and I work enough to keep myself satisfied.
As for mental issues I am slowly spiraling into another depression stage of my life. I haven't cut in about a year and a half. As for burning myself its been two days. So I don't know if that's really progress or not. It's been on my mind a lot lately as well. I still keep a razor blade with me at all times as sort of a crutch, psychological thing. Lately I've been fighting with myself as to start up again or not. I know I shouldn't at all but damn it it's really hard not to and it's getting harder everyday. I just wish I wouldn't have started in the first place. Atleast I wouldn't have to deal with that bullshit every fucking day of my life.
But that is enough for tonight.
-Meagan