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Ryanne ran into the apartment and rushed to her father not saying anything but shaking like a leaf. She hugged him quickly burying her face into his chest not able to speak. Jason had gone on to his own place after telling Giles they had to talk later.
"What is it, Ryanne," Giles asked, startled. "Did you see Marcus again? Were you two attacked?"
Ryanne shook her head no. "Some guy was staring at us in the store. He knew we were Slayers."
"What did he look like, Ryanne?" Giles asked gently, leading her to the sofa.
"He was tall, but not as tall as you and umm he had on a suit and brown hair and talked southern. He knew what were are Daddy." Ryanne looked at him with fearful eyes.
"Lindsey," Giles said softly, sitting her down. "He is Wolfram and Hart now and we've been enemies for awhile. He probably knows everything about us, including your shoe size. That's just how they operate."
"Daddy I have to get these casts off. I....I can't fight with them." Ryanne sat back on the sofa trying to calm down. "I hate being scared."
"I understand that and your arms are probably healed by now," Giles sighed. "I'll get the hacksaw. You promise to take it easy on the arms for the next four days, however. Lindsey is human but he can summon demons in a moment's notice."
"I promise but all you gotta do is ask Willow to take em off." Ryanne smiled sheepishly at him. "My arms are alright now."
Giles rolled his eyes, "Why didn't you just say so earlier? Did you, uh, get along alright with Willow?"
"She's not to bad. Knows if she ever ever hurts you again I will kill her." Ryanne answered honestly. "But step moms are 'posed to be evil right?"
"I suppose," Giles shook his head. He suddenly looked startled and dashed to the kitchen, grabbing a hand towel and holding it to his nose.
"Daddy?" Ryanne jumped up and ran to him. "What's wrong?"
"Bloody nose," he mumbled. "Literally. I'll be alright in a moment."
"Why's it bleeding?" Ryanne glanced around looking for Willow.
"It happens occasionally now," Giles sighed. "Come on, let's sit down again. It'll stop on its own. I'll try to explain if I can."
"Is it cause of her hurting Ethan?" Ryanne suddenly more afraid for her father than herself.
"No, not at all," Giles smiled gently. "This has to do with me and my past. You know the surface stuff, that I was a jerk when I was a kid the first time around and did black magic with Ethan Rayne, people got killed and such, yes?"
"Uhuh." Ryanne looked down, afraid of what he was. "Ripper is mean."
"I'm sorry for that, Ryanne," Giles said softly. "Willow told me about what you said happened that night. I didn't realize you were there or who I was. All I could see was what was in my head, what was happening to Ethan. The Ripper I am at times now is more like I was in the beginning. A bit reckless and arrogant but not evil. The Ripper that Ethan pulls out is evil. Is this making sense?"
"Kinda. So why is your nose bleeding?" Ryanne frowned not like thinking of her Dad like that.
"When things went wrong the first time, I ran back to the Watcher's Council and University," Giles said slowly, frowning. "Back to my destiny. They said they could help with the nightmares, panic attacks and craving the dark magic. A lot of it I don't remember except in flashes. What we've learned is that I was... conditioned, programmed, if you will. Programmed not to ever be Ripper again or want that."
"So you've always had nose bleeds?" Ryanne asked confused.
"No," Giles frowned, obviously trying to put his thoughts together. "You see I was mentally and physically tortured into never being Ripper again only now I have been Ripper and there's more than a bit of him in me all the time now. My mind is fighting it and the body is paying for it."
"Who do you wanna be Daddy?" Ryanne looked at the floor. "Would Ripper want me to leave?"
"I don't have a choice, Ryanne," Giles said, leaning forward. "If I don't find a way to... integrate, learn how to accept Ripper and Giles as one person, the bloody noses will get worse and there's the potential for... uh, well... bleeding in the brain."
Giles pulled the towel aside and smiled, showing the blood had stopped. "As for you, Ripper would adore you. He was a bit of a smartass."
"Who you gonna be Daddy?" Ryanne looked at him scared, "Dont' want you sick."
"A combination of both, hopefully more Giles than Ripper this time around," Giles smiled. "Don't worry. That was one of the reasons Willow and I went to England. We got the old records from the Council about what they did to me and how. We'll find a way to get this schiz bit of mine done with."
Ryanne got up and hugged him, "Don't die like my other Dad okay. I can't deal with that."
"I don't intend to," Giles smiled softly. "Just may take a bit of work to do this. Messing with the mind isn't an easy thing. Now, Willow said that she left Marcus alive. We need to find him and kill him."
"Daddy I was so scared. I don't wanna be a slayer anymore. I wanna live." Ryanne buried her head in his chest again weeping. "It woulda been better if I was still living on the street."
"You would have died with your friends," Giles said softly. "You know that. He defeated you once because he had the drop on you. We won't let that happen again and we'll find a way to stop him."
"I meant up here." Ryanne pointed to her head. "I was tougher than."
"You had defenses, yes," Giles said slowly. "Now you find different ones. You learn to tap into the love you have here, the security that you have friends, family and a home. Learn new ones."
"I am trying. I never really had a family after Daddy died. And I grew up real quick and now it's like I am back there again." Ryanne shrugged, "I don't know how to get my tough back unless I am alone."
"You think about those you're protecting," Giles advised. "You are back where you were. You stopped growing emotionally when he died, now you have a chance to grow. Just think, what would you do to protect me and Jenny?"
"I'd kill." Ryanne admitted. "But Daddy Marcus scared me. When he tied me up. I remember stuff I forgot. Real bad stuff, and I can't stop being afraid."
"It happens during trauma," Giles sighed. "I'm remembering more of what the Council did to me and what Ethan has done occasionally. Don't fight the memories, just ride them out and find me. Talk to me or write them down in a journal and get them out. Don't let them overwhelm you and don't dwell on them. Give that a try?"
"Daddy, lots of men hurt me when I first ran away. Lots." Ryanne settled into his lap and started biting her fingernails. "And I couldn't stop em. I was too little."
"I know, Ryanne," Giles said softly, rocking her slightly. "When you're ready, we'll find someone you're comfortable with that can help with those memories, alright? A female psychologist or counselor?"
"Okay Daddy." Ryanne laid her head against him, "Hope Ripper don't hurt me."
"Ripper wasn't into children, Ryanne," Giles said softly. "Even at his worst, he wasn't into children sexually. Neither was Ethan. We were just jerks, not pedophiles. Please try and hang onto that. I would never hurt you sexually, either as Giles or Ripper. The thought... makes me ill, actually. Like imaging sex wtith Dawn or something. I helped raise her."
"I know Daddy. But now, I am like all young and junk and .....Ripper can be mean." Ryanne sighed and looked at him, "If I have to run away, you wouldn't get mad would you?"
"If you ever feel afraid around me, run to Buffy," Giles said firmly. "She would never let me hurt anyone, Ripper, Giles or anyone. You can trust Buffy."
"I will try to remember that. When I get all hard I just wanna get home." Ryannesmiled a little, "Cept now here is home."
"Your home is here," Giles smiled. "Buffy or Jenny will protect you, alright? And they'll listen. They know I've some problems with Ripper at times. Usually when Ethan is mucking with my head."
Ryanne hugged him tightly. "thank you for being my father. Never said thank you before."
"Yes you have but I'll take it now as well," Giles chuckled. "Now, I think I deserve some Ryanne time. Pizza?"
"And beer?" Ryanne perked up a little, "Come on Daddy, I won't tell Willow."
"Just one," Giles compromised. "Just one. That bit with the bleeding shows you're too sensitive."
"What is it, Ryanne," Giles asked, startled. "Did you see Marcus again? Were you two attacked?"
Ryanne shook her head no. "Some guy was staring at us in the store. He knew we were Slayers."
"What did he look like, Ryanne?" Giles asked gently, leading her to the sofa.
"He was tall, but not as tall as you and umm he had on a suit and brown hair and talked southern. He knew what were are Daddy." Ryanne looked at him with fearful eyes.
"Lindsey," Giles said softly, sitting her down. "He is Wolfram and Hart now and we've been enemies for awhile. He probably knows everything about us, including your shoe size. That's just how they operate."
"Daddy I have to get these casts off. I....I can't fight with them." Ryanne sat back on the sofa trying to calm down. "I hate being scared."
"I understand that and your arms are probably healed by now," Giles sighed. "I'll get the hacksaw. You promise to take it easy on the arms for the next four days, however. Lindsey is human but he can summon demons in a moment's notice."
"I promise but all you gotta do is ask Willow to take em off." Ryanne smiled sheepishly at him. "My arms are alright now."
Giles rolled his eyes, "Why didn't you just say so earlier? Did you, uh, get along alright with Willow?"
"She's not to bad. Knows if she ever ever hurts you again I will kill her." Ryanne answered honestly. "But step moms are 'posed to be evil right?"
"I suppose," Giles shook his head. He suddenly looked startled and dashed to the kitchen, grabbing a hand towel and holding it to his nose.
"Daddy?" Ryanne jumped up and ran to him. "What's wrong?"
"Bloody nose," he mumbled. "Literally. I'll be alright in a moment."
"Why's it bleeding?" Ryanne glanced around looking for Willow.
"It happens occasionally now," Giles sighed. "Come on, let's sit down again. It'll stop on its own. I'll try to explain if I can."
"Is it cause of her hurting Ethan?" Ryanne suddenly more afraid for her father than herself.
"No, not at all," Giles smiled gently. "This has to do with me and my past. You know the surface stuff, that I was a jerk when I was a kid the first time around and did black magic with Ethan Rayne, people got killed and such, yes?"
"Uhuh." Ryanne looked down, afraid of what he was. "Ripper is mean."
"I'm sorry for that, Ryanne," Giles said softly. "Willow told me about what you said happened that night. I didn't realize you were there or who I was. All I could see was what was in my head, what was happening to Ethan. The Ripper I am at times now is more like I was in the beginning. A bit reckless and arrogant but not evil. The Ripper that Ethan pulls out is evil. Is this making sense?"
"Kinda. So why is your nose bleeding?" Ryanne frowned not like thinking of her Dad like that.
"When things went wrong the first time, I ran back to the Watcher's Council and University," Giles said slowly, frowning. "Back to my destiny. They said they could help with the nightmares, panic attacks and craving the dark magic. A lot of it I don't remember except in flashes. What we've learned is that I was... conditioned, programmed, if you will. Programmed not to ever be Ripper again or want that."
"So you've always had nose bleeds?" Ryanne asked confused.
"No," Giles frowned, obviously trying to put his thoughts together. "You see I was mentally and physically tortured into never being Ripper again only now I have been Ripper and there's more than a bit of him in me all the time now. My mind is fighting it and the body is paying for it."
"Who do you wanna be Daddy?" Ryanne looked at the floor. "Would Ripper want me to leave?"
"I don't have a choice, Ryanne," Giles said, leaning forward. "If I don't find a way to... integrate, learn how to accept Ripper and Giles as one person, the bloody noses will get worse and there's the potential for... uh, well... bleeding in the brain."
Giles pulled the towel aside and smiled, showing the blood had stopped. "As for you, Ripper would adore you. He was a bit of a smartass."
"Who you gonna be Daddy?" Ryanne looked at him scared, "Dont' want you sick."
"A combination of both, hopefully more Giles than Ripper this time around," Giles smiled. "Don't worry. That was one of the reasons Willow and I went to England. We got the old records from the Council about what they did to me and how. We'll find a way to get this schiz bit of mine done with."
Ryanne got up and hugged him, "Don't die like my other Dad okay. I can't deal with that."
"I don't intend to," Giles smiled softly. "Just may take a bit of work to do this. Messing with the mind isn't an easy thing. Now, Willow said that she left Marcus alive. We need to find him and kill him."
"Daddy I was so scared. I don't wanna be a slayer anymore. I wanna live." Ryanne buried her head in his chest again weeping. "It woulda been better if I was still living on the street."
"You would have died with your friends," Giles said softly. "You know that. He defeated you once because he had the drop on you. We won't let that happen again and we'll find a way to stop him."
"I meant up here." Ryanne pointed to her head. "I was tougher than."
"You had defenses, yes," Giles said slowly. "Now you find different ones. You learn to tap into the love you have here, the security that you have friends, family and a home. Learn new ones."
"I am trying. I never really had a family after Daddy died. And I grew up real quick and now it's like I am back there again." Ryanne shrugged, "I don't know how to get my tough back unless I am alone."
"You think about those you're protecting," Giles advised. "You are back where you were. You stopped growing emotionally when he died, now you have a chance to grow. Just think, what would you do to protect me and Jenny?"
"I'd kill." Ryanne admitted. "But Daddy Marcus scared me. When he tied me up. I remember stuff I forgot. Real bad stuff, and I can't stop being afraid."
"It happens during trauma," Giles sighed. "I'm remembering more of what the Council did to me and what Ethan has done occasionally. Don't fight the memories, just ride them out and find me. Talk to me or write them down in a journal and get them out. Don't let them overwhelm you and don't dwell on them. Give that a try?"
"Daddy, lots of men hurt me when I first ran away. Lots." Ryanne settled into his lap and started biting her fingernails. "And I couldn't stop em. I was too little."
"I know, Ryanne," Giles said softly, rocking her slightly. "When you're ready, we'll find someone you're comfortable with that can help with those memories, alright? A female psychologist or counselor?"
"Okay Daddy." Ryanne laid her head against him, "Hope Ripper don't hurt me."
"Ripper wasn't into children, Ryanne," Giles said softly. "Even at his worst, he wasn't into children sexually. Neither was Ethan. We were just jerks, not pedophiles. Please try and hang onto that. I would never hurt you sexually, either as Giles or Ripper. The thought... makes me ill, actually. Like imaging sex wtith Dawn or something. I helped raise her."
"I know Daddy. But now, I am like all young and junk and .....Ripper can be mean." Ryanne sighed and looked at him, "If I have to run away, you wouldn't get mad would you?"
"If you ever feel afraid around me, run to Buffy," Giles said firmly. "She would never let me hurt anyone, Ripper, Giles or anyone. You can trust Buffy."
"I will try to remember that. When I get all hard I just wanna get home." Ryannesmiled a little, "Cept now here is home."
"Your home is here," Giles smiled. "Buffy or Jenny will protect you, alright? And they'll listen. They know I've some problems with Ripper at times. Usually when Ethan is mucking with my head."
Ryanne hugged him tightly. "thank you for being my father. Never said thank you before."
"Yes you have but I'll take it now as well," Giles chuckled. "Now, I think I deserve some Ryanne time. Pizza?"
"And beer?" Ryanne perked up a little, "Come on Daddy, I won't tell Willow."
"Just one," Giles compromised. "Just one. That bit with the bleeding shows you're too sensitive."