Aaaaah!
I have been fighting this feeling of hopeless failure grabing onto strings to keep myself afloat. Right now I want someone to want me and I don't mean "love" me I have tons of people who ove me and I am endlessly grateful for that, but what I need is someone to visiraly WANT me, sexualy, physically, spiritualy, mentally, to the point where they will tear themselves apart if they can't have me. God I miss being grabbed and thrown against a wall, and it's not about being pent up or horny it is the adrenalin I miss. I miss fresh love with no background of "I can't believe we still love each other after all this." why does there always have to be an "all this" and I don't want any suedo pathos comfort. I desire for something empassioned and a passionate desire can not be queld with words, not truely. though direcect T.V. is wrestleing my soul from my body. I was rejected by the globe tonight and I don't even want to talk or vent about it because all I do all night is talk and listen on the phone for hours, I get tired of talking. not necisarily of writeing. though now my brain has been sucked from my body and I have again entered a state of apathy.