I need to vent...I need SOMETHING
When you spend most of your time alone the world tends to pass you by. The world seems to forget that you're there, as a matter of fact. I'm not making reference to my friends. I know I'm not literally being forgotten. I just feel left behind.
I'm discovering that my dislike for my job is changing more to a disdain. My loneliness is changing into sorrow. My aimlessness is changing into a hopeless feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I have been becoming closer to Adele, my ex girlfriend from a few years ago. She is a sweet girl. Deep down I know that we wouldn't work as a couple on the long term. We want different things, etc.
Today, not the worst day of my life or anything, I remembered why I was diagnosed as a depressive type when I was a toddler, it has a tendency of sneaking up on you. Lisa called me and I learned that she has a new boyfriend who she is completely infatuated with. I don't know why I was surprised about it, I knew she would find someone. She's cute and outgoing, why wouldn't she? This felt like a punch in the proverbial balls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I know that this girl isn't right for me beyond a friend. She is a sweet person who is good to me, why the hell are my emotions playing kickball with my insides because she's happy? Is it because she's happy without me being part of the equation? Sometimes I really do feel like if I were out of this whole equation is wouldn't make a lick of difference. Again, it goes back to my original statement. I feel left behind. She is moving on like a normal person and I'm stuck in my rut like tires spinning in the mud. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep getting upset because others are doing better than me.
I've tried several times to put up an ad on some dating sites to try to meet people, but is that really the answer? Or is it just putting off facing my real issue. I always tell people that you shouldn't bring someone else into your life until you are happy with it. Otherwise the whole thing comes crashing down.
What we have here are some unstable foundations. I'm not ready for the real world yet.
I'm discovering that my dislike for my job is changing more to a disdain. My loneliness is changing into sorrow. My aimlessness is changing into a hopeless feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I have been becoming closer to Adele, my ex girlfriend from a few years ago. She is a sweet girl. Deep down I know that we wouldn't work as a couple on the long term. We want different things, etc.
Today, not the worst day of my life or anything, I remembered why I was diagnosed as a depressive type when I was a toddler, it has a tendency of sneaking up on you. Lisa called me and I learned that she has a new boyfriend who she is completely infatuated with. I don't know why I was surprised about it, I knew she would find someone. She's cute and outgoing, why wouldn't she? This felt like a punch in the proverbial balls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I know that this girl isn't right for me beyond a friend. She is a sweet person who is good to me, why the hell are my emotions playing kickball with my insides because she's happy? Is it because she's happy without me being part of the equation? Sometimes I really do feel like if I were out of this whole equation is wouldn't make a lick of difference. Again, it goes back to my original statement. I feel left behind. She is moving on like a normal person and I'm stuck in my rut like tires spinning in the mud. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep getting upset because others are doing better than me.
I've tried several times to put up an ad on some dating sites to try to meet people, but is that really the answer? Or is it just putting off facing my real issue. I always tell people that you shouldn't bring someone else into your life until you are happy with it. Otherwise the whole thing comes crashing down.
What we have here are some unstable foundations. I'm not ready for the real world yet.