Win or Die

[inabsentialuci]

Name: MC
How did you find out about the community? If it's through an LJ user, please tell us who it is (individual user if possible, not just a community name!): I've seen people talk about it in several non-ASOIAF comms, though I can't remember who (I do know that there was a Tyrell who made a mix for waywardmixes, if that helps...? Points are points, right?)
Age: 31
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Occupation: Bookseller

All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!.
I honestly love where I live now, geographically and weather-wise. I live on the north shore of Lake Erie- no jokes- it's really quite beautiful!- and I really cannot imagine living any place where I am not close to water. My sister moved even two hours south and I feel like I'm in another country when I go to visit her. I always know which way I'm headed as long as I know where the lake is. It's comforting and safe and peaceful because I know it's just always going to be there. I also love Cleveland weather because I love having all of the seasons. I will admit that I have a (seemingly) unnatural love of winter, and I'm not a huge fan of heat and summer (I am definitely an AC-at-all-times kind of girl), but I'm so happy to live in a place where they're even a possibility. I would hate to live in a place like California or Florida where it's always warm, and even though I much prefer the cold, I wouldn't really like living some place that didn't get at least a little warm for spring/summer (though I did scare my mother when I was younger by applying to college in Alaska because of the climate). I need to see the change. I need to see the leaves change color, I need to see the bunnies start coming out of hiding in the spring. My current apartment is a block away from the lake shore and backs up onto a field, a pond, a creek, and a forest, so I get to watch all of the seasons out of my window, and I love it.

As far as my actual house, I'm not entirely sure. That's my big when-I-win-the-lottery question. Sometimes I really think that I would absolutely need to build a giant castle with every kind of room imaginable (because everyone needs a movie theatre, a music room, an exercise room, and enough guest rooms to lodge an army, right?), and I imagine all of the grand things I could do with it- I have a strange fixation on having a ballroom for some reason- especially for Christmas. I would decorate it in a medieval-inspired style (though not exactly medieval. I do like my light and plumbing and heat, etc), and it would be fantastic, and all of my family would have places to come and stay. I would also really, really love to have a swimming pool. I've also always dreamed of having my own ice rink like in The Cutting Edge. However, I can also see myself in a tiny cottage deep inside a forest somewhere, preferably with a creek or a pond. Sometimes I think I would even be happier there than in my dream castle. I would love to have something cozy and homey and not at all showy, so long as it met all of my requirements. All I would need is enough bedrooms for my family, an amazing bathtub (might be my favorite part of any house, to be honest), comfortable living spaces, a library, and a basement. I have a really strange attachment to basements. I really like when things are not what they are supposed to be (like a hole in the ground actually being a comfortable and fun living space). I also don't think I'd ever move into a home without a second floor. I lived most of my life in a ranch-style house, and it just seemed like it wasn't a grown-up house. A grown-up house has several floors.

2. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Please be as elaborate as you can. Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!
I'm going to assume that this genie follows the Disney rules as well, so no making someone love you and no bringing anyone back from the dead...
01. Enough money. All I really need is enough money so that I never have to worry about anything and can live comfortably without working. I've never been one to want a pile of gold coins to dive into like Scrooge McDuck or to have more money than God just to say I do. I don't need to be rich, necessarily. I just want to be able to have enough that I'm able to afford anything I need, from a car to a house or a pack of gum when I want it. My goal isn't to have more than anyone else or be flashy or anything like that. I just want to have my time to myself so that I can actually live my life and not waste my life working for someone else.

02. I'd really, really like to know what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life and have the opportunity to do it. I feel like I've been looking for the thing I'm meant to be doing for most of my life, and it infuriates me that I can't get there. I had some rather major setbacks in that department when most people are figuring these things out. Both of my parents got sick my senior year of high school, and instead of going to college I ended up working to take care of them in both the physical and the financial senses. Now it feels like whatever I was meant to be doing has passed and I can't get a handle on it. I know it's out there, I just have no flipping clue what it is!

03. I'd never want to make anyone love me, but if this genie could somehow introduce me to the person I'm supposed to be with (if there is someone), I would be forever grateful. I don't feel like I need a man, but I like men, and I'd like one to be with me.

3. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)
It's kind of cheesy, but... years and years ago I started teaching at my church's Parish School of Religion (catechism for the school-aged students who went to public school). I did it under duress- my aunt was in charge and was short a teacher a week before school started, and being the most easily guilted person in the world good niece, I finally agreed to do it. I am not a kid person. Like, not at all, and I was assigned a third grade class. Plus, as important to me as my faith is, and I truly love it, these kids were having to come in to learn religion after their normal school day, and they had NO interest in being there at all. Somehow, though, I managed to reach a few of them, and they asked me to teach them again the next year. I taught the same class of students for three years straight, and the kids kind of grew up with me. I tried so hard to help them see all of the amazing things I see in and feel from the church, and at least some of them listened. To this day I see some of them in church, and I'm proud that they've stepped up to leadership roles now themselves, reading or serving. I'm really proud when I see one of them make the choice to be there and be active on their own, not because someone is making them. One of my students also later thanked me for inspiring him to study music because of one lesson, one week when he was in third grade (the lesson's theme was discovering and using the talents God gave you). He's a college freshman now.

Another proud moment, though a much more vain one, is that I sang at Carnegie Hall when I was in high school. :)

4. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.
The most important to me is love. As important as family, friendship, and knowledge are, as far as I'm concerned they all just boil down to love. To me, love isn't just some silly romantic ideal, it's everything. I don't really know how to explain it. I could never live my life without love. From loves comes understanding, hope, compassion, forgiveness... To me, there is no life without love.

The least important, though by no means unimportant, is money. It's necessary, and I'd definitely like to have money. I'd love to spend it. I'd love to not have to work for it. But I've lived without it. It doesn't change who I am.

5. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.
The first thing I can think of is, I can't deny what I believe. I can't be what I'm not, which is from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Whistle Down the Wind. [The entire song]No matter what they tell us, no matter what they do
No matter what they teach us, what we believe is true
No matter what they call us, however they attack
No matter where they take us, we'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe, I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter, if only night was day
If only prayers were answered then we would hear God say:
"No matter what they tell you, no matter what they do
No matter what they teach you, what you believe is true"

And I will keep you safe and strong and sheltered from the storm
No matter where it's barren, a dream is being born
No matter who they follow, no matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us, I'll be everyone you need

No matter if the sun don't shine or if the skies are blue
No matter what the ending, my life began with you
I can't deny what I believe, I can't be what I'm not
I know this love's forever, I know no matter what is actually probably the best expression of my personality that I can imagine. I have strong beliefs. I have a very solid core of values and morals that I live by, and I honestly believe that there is absolutely no other way that I could be. I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm the best me I can be.

6. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.
Well, I think I'd be pretty good with money if I had any. Like I said before, my life kind of got turned upside down when I was a senior in high school. Both my father and my mother got sick, and at the time when my dad got sick he'd been laid off, and we had no health insurance. After that there was really no possibility of me going to college, and I started working fulltime to help support my parents and my younger sisters. Things started to even out and I even got to see my sisters go to school, but then ten years ago my dad died. My mom has a chronic heart condition and isn't supposed to work, so my dad was the main bread winner. I took over as best I could and have been trying to get back to normal ever since. So, money is important to me, but it is definitely not as important as my family. I would love to be financially secure, but when it comes down to it, I could never live with myself if I went off to earn my fortune and left my mother in the poor house.

7. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?
Music is my all-time favorite thing in the world, ever. I spend an honest majority of my time listening to music, singing, and playing music, and the time I don't spend doing that is usually spent humming or thinking of a fic that's inspired by lyrics or making a fanmix or something else that is at least tangentially connected to music. Nothing can express emotions like music, and I honestly do not feel whole if I'm not being musical (usually in the form of loud, loud singing). Besides music, I am an avid reader. Tyrion's whetstone/book analogy was the first time in the books that I actually kind of smiled and nodded and thought, Obviously these books are going to be awesome. He summed up my addiction to books quite well with that quote! I also like internet-y things, like making icons and graphics and modding several LJ comms. I write a lot, and I love doing that. I'm also kind of a dork and love languages and history. I quite enjoy kicking people's asses at trivia. I've also begun to experiment a bit with baking and candy-making. I blame Cupcake Wars. For the season premiere of Once Upon A Time I made and decorated three unique sets of cupcakes to represent characters on the show. My favorite part was the chocolate handcuffs I made to top the Sheriff's cupcakes!

8. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.

01. Losing my mental faculties. Being driven mad or even just losing my cognitive abilities would definitely be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me. I pretty much live inside my head; I'm constantly thinking, and the thought of having that taken away from me or even somehow twisted and made completely unfamiliar is just terrifying.

02. That I will not fulfill my potential or serve my purpose in this life. I cannot stand the idea of not being able to somehow not realize my full potential. Growing up, a lot was expected of me (and I expected a lot of myself), and I hate to think that I may never reach the heights that others (particularly my father) envisioned for me. I want to be the best I can be, and I want to serve a purpose.

03. Dying alone. I have to say, I'm not afraid of living alone, if that's what my life is supposed to be, and I'm not even all that afraid of actual death, but I don't think I could stand it if I were to die alone. I spent a lot of time in a nursing home when my grandmother was dying, and seeing all of the people there just all alone and lingering with no one to be with them just horrified me. I hope that even if I don't end up married I can sufficiently guilt my nephews to be there with me at the end.

9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.
BEST
01. I am extremely passionate. Whatever I do, I do to the best of my ability. Everything I do or love is important to me, and I take everything seriously. I do sometimes take it to extremes, and I'm either super-psyched about something or totally gutted. At one of my previous jobs I had gotten upset because something in my department was not up to my specifications, and I was nice about it as long as I could be (which, regrettably wasn't long), but when it wasn't fixed, I finally exploded. I told my supervisor I didn't care if everyone thought I was a bitch, I wanted it to be done right, and she responded that she wouldn't call me a bitch, just... "passionate." Which was probably one of the truest statements I've ever heard. One very rarely has to wonder about my feelings on a subject, and though I try to be tactful and considerate, I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, for good or ill.

02. I’m creative and intelligent. I have always been keenly interested in learning new things and trying new things. In fact, when I was a toddler I took apart my parent’s vintage bubblegum ball machine just to see how it worked… and then put it back together again. It never really worked properly again, but hey, I was four. I have always loved learning new things, reading as much as I can, and basically knowing as much as I can. I was always the girl in class with my hand up, the one people wanted to copy from, and a top student. I don’t like to settle for the status quo, and I like making up things for myself. I love to write fiction, make computer graphics, scrapbook, sew, and even draw sometimes even though I’m really bad at it! I pretty much love daydreaming and living in a world of my own inside my head. I don’t fit in, and that’s okay with me. I really don’t like cookie cutter anything (except, you know, cookie cutters), and that is perfectly fine with me. I’ve never been one who felt like she had to be popular, and I’ve never even been tempted to change myself to be what someone else expected or what was considered normal.

03. I’m empathetic. More than just understanding what people are going through, I genuinely seem to be able to put myself into other people’s shoes and think of how different people would react to different situations. I’m able to think of how others would feel before acting in a way that might be hurtful. It's just ingrained in me. Honestly, once when I was a toddler my mom came rushing into the room where I was watching TV because she heard me crying. When she came in and asked what was wrong, I pointed at the TV and wailed, "Baby elephant can't find its mommy!" I don't know why, I just kind of get suffering, and I don't really like for anyone to be going through it.

WORST
01. I am a complete and total control freak, and I have absolutely no patience when things do not go according to plan. I need to be in charge, I need to be organized (or the one organizing things), and I need to feel like I have a voice or control in whatever situation I’m in. I cannot stand when things do not go my way because I usually feel that if I had been in charge of the decision making, things would be going right. I lose patience so quickly with people and situations that do not click or go the right way- whether it’s someone who just doesn’t understand something I’ve been trying to explain or a crying baby in a store ruining my day. Basically, all those things that annoy me and try my patience make me feel like I’m losing control which I, of course, do not like.

02. I tend to be a bit know-it-all-ish and bossy. Like I said above, I really need to be in control of a situation. I honestly usually don’t even think that I’m being obnoxious; I’m just getting things done, but other people generally don’t like being told what to do and how to do it. I know if the tables were turned, I would absolutely loathe someone telling me they knew better than I did, but it usually doesn’t occur to me not to volunteer information or to helpfully try and direct people to do something.

03. People have told me that they find me to be intimidating. I have no idea why this is, whether it’s the way I look or the way I talk, the fact that I don’t talk a lot or even my desire to be by myself a lot of the time. I am generally quiet and pensive until I have a genuine opinion to offer, and I have been told that I tend to default into a serious case of bitch face when I'm thinking, so even though it's not my intention, I guess I get it. I'm a bit serious most of the time, but I don’t feel like I’m hard to get to know or off-putting, but I suppose others have felt differently (they've told me so after we’d become friends, figure that one out).

A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.How many books from the series have you completed?
I've read all of the books, and I'm also currently in the process of re-reading them. I try to stay myself whenever I have the urge to re-read because I know that once I start I won't be able to stop and there's about a jillion pages, but they were too strong to resist this time! :)

2.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?
01. Daenerys Targaryen. I loved Dany from her very first POV chapter, and I haven't stopped loving her ever since! I love the journey she takes from being a little girl who knows nothing of her birthright except what her brother tells her who only wants to go back to the comfort of the house with the red door, to gaining confidence in her role as khaleesi, to becoming a ruler in her own right. I love her because even though she is ambitious and determined she is also fair and open-minded. She doesn't have the completely untempered desire for vengeance like Viserys had (or even that Robert held for her just because she was a Targaryen), and though (I think) she genuinely has good intentions, she does at times have to play the game and manipulate situations, like when she traded Drogon only to have him scorch Astapor. She thinks things through and makes her own decisions. She accepts council but doesn't allow herself to be bullied. She forgives if she feels that the person is truly worthy of it. Daenerys is an amazing and strong character, and I've always backed her as the true heir to the Iron Throne I don't want to think about Aegon right now. I have too many Dany feels.

02. Tyrion Lannister. I love nearly everything about Tyrion. From the start of the series he's the voice of reason. He's honest, intelligent, funny, and a very, very keen observer, which I find fascinating. Tyrion is confident enough to be himself and to use the taunts and nicknames for his own ends, but he also has emotions and isn't afraid of being vulnerable, even if it's just to himself or with Shae. Tyrion aspires for things that by all rights a person in his position shouldn't be able to reach (not a height joke, I swear), and he has the balls to go after them. He may not be able to swing a sword like Jaime, but he can think of a way to get what he wants without needing to. He's not blindly, guns-blazing ambitious. He thinks things through and figures things out. Plus, I think he's a really excellent judge of character. Most of the time. I love his relationship with Podrick. It's just kind of cute in a bromance kind of way.

03. Arya & Sansa Stark. I wanted to decide between these two, I really did, but when it comes down to it, I couldn't. First of all, they remind me SO much of my own little sisters- the middle one was always prim and proper and the baby didn't so much as have her hair combed without kicking and screaming until she was probably eight. They went at each other like Arya and Sansa, too, and the bit in the first book where Arya grudgingly says she doesn't really hate Sansa was the second point in the series where I just had to step back and smile because it felt so true. I also couldn't decide between them because as the series progressed my love for Arya began to decrease, and my love for Sansa grew exponentially, to the point where they're pretty much tied now. I started off loving Arya's fierce spirit and her desire to be something more than what was expected of her and liking Sansa and her ladylike hobbies but not being terribly impressed by her. I loved Arya's dancing lessons, the way she wanted to be brave just like Robb, and the way she missed Jon most out of all her siblings. I loved Arya's interactions with Jaquen H'ghar and the Hound, too, but I have to admit that I am not digging the whole House of Black and White thing. I hate the idea of losing my identity, and I hate for Arya, who is such a strong character, to deny who she is. As for Sansa, my love for her grew as she grew. I'm not going to lie, I am a huge fan of fairytales, and I believe in magic and happily ever after, so I'm not the kind of person to hate Sansa just because she's a bit idealistic or naive. In fact those things endear her to me. But I love that she ended up coming to terms with the way the real court worked without becoming too jaded or cynical. She handles herself with grace no matter the situation, and no matter how awful the predicament, she does her best to keep her composure and be strong. And no matter what happens to her, she still has hope. Where Arya values physical strength, Sansa's strength is in her soul. I love her because where Arya prays for her enemies to die, Sansa prays for them to be shown mercy. I love Sansa because she shows that just because a person is loving and kind and forgiving doesn't mean they're weak.

3.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?
01. Catelyn Stark. I have never been able to stand Catelyn Stark. First of all, I can never abide anyone who so cruelly treats a child the way she did Jon Snow. I don't even like kids. But how on earth could someone be so completely wretched to a little, defenseless kid? I get that she doesn't like him or what he represents, but he didn't ask to be born, and I'm sure that he never would have chosen to come and live at Winterfell just to be the bane of her existence. I honestly, honestly understand why she doesn't like him. Like, literally. My (now ex-) boyfriend of 10 years came to me in January to tell me he'd been cheating on me and knocked up the girl. So I get it. I honestly do. But there were a million different ways she could have handled things, the easiest being ignoring him completely. She had absolutely no reason to be awful to him and especially to throw him out of the only home he'd ever known when Ned left. What makes me the most angry about her treatment of him is that we're supposed to put all this stock in families' words, and she makes a total mockery of the Tully words by her treatment. How is she honoring her family by being evil to her husband (you know, her family)'s son? How is she performing her duty by dishonoring Ned through her treatment of Jon? Where is the honor in taking out your jealousy on a baby? I hate it. In addition, she jumps to conclusions concerning Tyrion, she totally screws Robb by letting Jaime go, and- it's petty- but I never liked how she kept acting like Bran is a special snowflake (not wanting him to go to King's Landing before he fell, etc).

02. Melisandre. My biggest problem with Melisandre is that she's so totally unwilling to accept anything that is not exactly the way she says it is. You believe in R'hllor. Fine. That doesn't mean it's cool to call everyone else a heretic. Or, you know, burn them. And even though she's amazing at what she does, she's not infallible. I hate that when something goes wrong for Stannis it's not because she read the flames wrong, it's totally because of something else which is totally not her fault. She doesn't accept that some things are out of her control, and she never admits she's been wrong. Plus, for all her power, she postures a lot. Lighting a sword on fire isn't the same thing as having a real flaming sword. I don't doubt that she truly believes in what she's doing or in her powers, but there are times when she seems a little show-y, which I find kind of like she's desperate for others' approval (I could be wrong, that's just the impression I have of her).

03. Petyr Baelish. Besides being just totally smarmy and gross, I cannot stand Petyr Baelish because he is sneaky, dishonest, manipulative, and disingenuous. He's an actual sociopath. He's charming, intelligent, and sweet-talking, but completely devoid of any emotion. His whole life is based on getting what he wants, no matter the cost. Petyr Baelish is just a genuinely bad dude, I do not like him even the tiniest little bit.

4.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?
I have to say, I'm so much more of a character person than a plot person, so really my most favorite parts aren't actually big turning-point type moments, they're just moments when my favorite characters were happy or had some successes. However, if I did have to pick one moment that really made me happy, that would be when Joffrey finally died. I know it's not nice, and it's not right to want regicide, but... he really was just such a terrible, awful little shit. I know that him dying doesn't make life in Westeros any better or more peaceful, but it's probably more pleasant for anyone who had to be surrounded by him on a regular basis.

5. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?
I would really like to see Daenerys conquer Westeros. I've invested too many feelings into her cause for her to fail. I know I'm being idealistic, especially for this series, but I'd really like to see her come to power semi-peacefully, with Westeros accepting her as their rightful queen. I know that the whole Azor Ahai thing needs to be completed as well, but I'm not quite sure what I want to happen there. I want the White Walkers to be eradicated (I have serious issues with zombies, so that might be a personal peeve). Besides Daenerys being queen, I don't think I really have a set idea of what I'd like to see because so far in the story I've just enjoyed the ride and I'm fairly sure I'd be happy however things end.

As far as my crazy fannish heart, though? I would love to see a happy ending for Tyrion, though I'm not sure at this point what that would be. I want Sandor Clegane and Brienne of Tarth not to be dead. I want Dany to kiss Jorah back at least once. I want Dany and Sansa to somehow become friends because I love both of them so much. I want all of the remaining Starks and their wolves reunited. I want Catelyn to be at peace (as much as I hate her, Lady Stoneheart is a terrible fate). I'd love it if Melisandre got a taste of her own fiery, fiery medicine. I want Arya to realize that she's not meant to be faceless and for her to come back to Westeros and be a badass. I want Winterfell to be rebuilt. I really wouldn't mind if Littlefinger fell out of the Moon Door. I'd love to see Jaquen H'ghar, Syrio Forel, and Gendry again. I want Sam and Gilly reunited stupid Night Watch vows! I need to know who Coldhands is.

Though, honestly, as long as Dany is queen, I'm sure I will be happy with the outcome. As long as Sandor's not really dead.