(no subject)
hmm 2 entries in 1 day. ive surpassed myself.
It just occurred to me how quickly ive disappeared from life in st michaels.i know that i should not be surprised be people being fickle but already they seem to be growing distant when i talk to them. Im used to moving around and i can see when peole are about to fade out of my life, i jsut didnt expect it to happen that quickly.
I notice too how little impact i seem to have on peoples lives. I had a lot of "friends" in st michaels, but most were not close. I have made a rather large number of superficial friends since moving here, and an almost nonexistant number of close ones. ITs as if i cant make close friends anymore,just aquaintances who i can group with so that im not alone. But then in a real sense im more alone than the people who only have a few friends. At least they have people that they can really talk to, but i am just someone who drifts in and out of peoples lives without much of an impact.
Im not sure what sort of affect i would like to have on the other peolle around me, id just like to be remembered for something other than the fact that im the tall black guy with the hair. Some people can be stick in others minds by being bastards, and even that seems like a better fate than to be just part of the shifting mass of people that swirls around you in life. My all my old real friends have gone nows, to europe, australia, America, and i cant seem to replace them. I just hope that my friends in gorseinon turn out to be slightly more meaningful than the people in st michaels. I hope that at the end of the two years there i will still exist for them.
It just occurred to me how quickly ive disappeared from life in st michaels.i know that i should not be surprised be people being fickle but already they seem to be growing distant when i talk to them. Im used to moving around and i can see when peole are about to fade out of my life, i jsut didnt expect it to happen that quickly.
I notice too how little impact i seem to have on peoples lives. I had a lot of "friends" in st michaels, but most were not close. I have made a rather large number of superficial friends since moving here, and an almost nonexistant number of close ones. ITs as if i cant make close friends anymore,just aquaintances who i can group with so that im not alone. But then in a real sense im more alone than the people who only have a few friends. At least they have people that they can really talk to, but i am just someone who drifts in and out of peoples lives without much of an impact.
Im not sure what sort of affect i would like to have on the other peolle around me, id just like to be remembered for something other than the fact that im the tall black guy with the hair. Some people can be stick in others minds by being bastards, and even that seems like a better fate than to be just part of the shifting mass of people that swirls around you in life. My all my old real friends have gone nows, to europe, australia, America, and i cant seem to replace them. I just hope that my friends in gorseinon turn out to be slightly more meaningful than the people in st michaels. I hope that at the end of the two years there i will still exist for them.