Sep 01, 2013 16:29
It's like repeatedly trying to escape and failing.
That is why I am always so miserable. I am attempting, with all my might, to break free from my own horrid life. But things keep stopping me, or pulling me back down whatever air shaft I'm currently squeezing through.
When I go the wrong way, the path collapses beneath my weight. I fall, and scramble, and get injured. Then, I must regroup and start another route. Sometimes someone grabs me by the ankle, and keeps me in place, or tugs me down. I struggle free, and move on as best I can. It all takes awhile. I get worn out, because I do not have enough food, water, or rest for the journey. There are false entrances and exits. There are hidden passageways. Some people try to help by coming with me, but instead they hold me back, because they really don't want to leave. I run into bad guys. I make the wrong choices. I waste time dwelling on these things, when I should instead keep moving.
I get it now. The frustration, the exhaustion, the pain. No one gets out of a hell unscathed. Some people don't make it at all. And if all my favorite action movies are right, it will remain this hard until I am finally free. And only then will I know it was worth it.
I am my own John McClane.
STILL. SWINGING. (and yippee ki-yay)