Post 3 of N:
Next up, questions from osirusbrisbane! Wrote these when I wasn't on the eve of vacation, so they're a little less cheery than I'm feeling at this particular moment, but why let a good ramble go to waste. Answers behind the cut.
What is your purpose in life and/or what creates happiness for you?
Well, gee, start with an easy one, why don't you? At the risk of going all Avenue Q on this question, I'm still looking for my purpose. But not actively. At this juncture, I'm actually somewhat uncomfortable with an overarching purpose--or at least I'm finding that unmanageable. I see life as a series of scenes and at the moment I'm having trouble stepping back to see the larger arc. I'd like to feel caught up at work. I'd like to be more present at home. I'd like to know that the choices I've made are resulting in positive outcomes. Maybe those positive outcomes are my purpose? No wait, I've got it. My purpose in life is to have good stories to tell. To enjoy life fully enough that I want to tell other people about it. To have shared experiences that connect me to others in a long-lasting way. To learn from my mistakes in a way that I can speak insightfully and reflectively about them and influence others to do better in theirs. To grow stronger from my challenges. To look back on life without regrets. To be able to step back and see the bigger picture and know that it's greater than the sum of its parts. However, I don't want to be living life looking for the story. (Ironic, saying this in a Livejournal post, no?) I want to live life and realize afterward that it makes a good story. The written- and spoken-word version of not being so busy taking pictures of something that you're not actually in the moment, but making sure to capture something from the moment to remind you of what happened. I have a lot of those from my 20s, not sure whether I've found them in my 30s, kid tricks notwithstanding.
As for what creates happiness for me, the thing that comes to mind is connection. Perhaps it's just that I'm feeling so DISconnected these days, but I'm really craving connections. I want to feel like a real partner in my marriage. Involved in my child's childhood. On equal footing in my friendships. Invested in my work. I want to feel satisfaction from all these things on a personal level and know they're bringing satisfaction to others as well. Because that's something else that provides happiness to me--knowing I've made other people happy. However, it's not always about the joy of others. There's a kind of selfishness that underlies it--I glean happiness from appreciation and recognition, from praise. Sometimes it's enough to be proud of myself, but I like to hear it from others as well. I'm a bit attention-seeking that way. But it does go deeper than attention. If it were just attention, Facebook would make me a heck of a lot happier than it does. There's no need to head off on a rant about the superficiality of Facebook, especially given the many excellent and meaningful ideas and conversations so many people do manage to sneak into my News Feed, but there's a connection (ha!) to be made to the paragraph above--if I seek to live a life worth sharing with others, why is it that so many Facebook-unworthy moments are the ones that are most worth seeking out? Connection is a funny thing, I guess.
What are the most preposterous things about having a young child?
You mean other than the fact that that I hold personal responsibility for its development? Probably the Jekyll-and-Hyde-ness of it all. The fact that she can go from inconsolable tantrum to pure sweetness and light in a matter of moments is utterly incredible. I mean, I know it's developmentally appropriate and stuff, but the tiny caveperson brain is truly a force to be reckoned with.
I also think it's preposterous the way we autonomous and fully reasonable adults can be held hostage (or, in my case, manipulated) by seemingly tiny things. It is truly preposterous what I put up with sometimes. At one point the step between tooth-brushing and changing-into-pajamas was standing at the doorway of her bedroom, letting her crawl between my legs, and petting her (no, not with THAT had, with the OTHER hand) because she was a kitty cat. Now she insists I hug her doll and stuffed animal before I kiss her goodnight but she MAKES ME SAY PLEASE before she'll give them to me. I have to ask for the privilege of doing something I never particularly wanted to do in the first place. Weirdo.
Some might say the things that a young child says are preposterous (see, for example, this notable quotable from November 13: "A diggity dog is a moose dressed like a zebra") but I for one think they're fascinating and often incredibly logical (okay, maybe not that one). So I'll just end by saying it is preposterous how unpreposterous parenting ends up being sometimes. Things that shouldn't make sense do, and that's just incredible.
What is your purpose in life and/or what creates happiness for you?
Well, gee, start with an easy one, why don't you? At the risk of going all Avenue Q on this question, I'm still looking for my purpose. But not actively. At this juncture, I'm actually somewhat uncomfortable with an overarching purpose--or at least I'm finding that unmanageable. I see life as a series of scenes and at the moment I'm having trouble stepping back to see the larger arc. I'd like to feel caught up at work. I'd like to be more present at home. I'd like to know that the choices I've made are resulting in positive outcomes. Maybe those positive outcomes are my purpose? No wait, I've got it. My purpose in life is to have good stories to tell. To enjoy life fully enough that I want to tell other people about it. To have shared experiences that connect me to others in a long-lasting way. To learn from my mistakes in a way that I can speak insightfully and reflectively about them and influence others to do better in theirs. To grow stronger from my challenges. To look back on life without regrets. To be able to step back and see the bigger picture and know that it's greater than the sum of its parts. However, I don't want to be living life looking for the story. (Ironic, saying this in a Livejournal post, no?) I want to live life and realize afterward that it makes a good story. The written- and spoken-word version of not being so busy taking pictures of something that you're not actually in the moment, but making sure to capture something from the moment to remind you of what happened. I have a lot of those from my 20s, not sure whether I've found them in my 30s, kid tricks notwithstanding.
As for what creates happiness for me, the thing that comes to mind is connection. Perhaps it's just that I'm feeling so DISconnected these days, but I'm really craving connections. I want to feel like a real partner in my marriage. Involved in my child's childhood. On equal footing in my friendships. Invested in my work. I want to feel satisfaction from all these things on a personal level and know they're bringing satisfaction to others as well. Because that's something else that provides happiness to me--knowing I've made other people happy. However, it's not always about the joy of others. There's a kind of selfishness that underlies it--I glean happiness from appreciation and recognition, from praise. Sometimes it's enough to be proud of myself, but I like to hear it from others as well. I'm a bit attention-seeking that way. But it does go deeper than attention. If it were just attention, Facebook would make me a heck of a lot happier than it does. There's no need to head off on a rant about the superficiality of Facebook, especially given the many excellent and meaningful ideas and conversations so many people do manage to sneak into my News Feed, but there's a connection (ha!) to be made to the paragraph above--if I seek to live a life worth sharing with others, why is it that so many Facebook-unworthy moments are the ones that are most worth seeking out? Connection is a funny thing, I guess.
What are the most preposterous things about having a young child?
You mean other than the fact that that I hold personal responsibility for its development? Probably the Jekyll-and-Hyde-ness of it all. The fact that she can go from inconsolable tantrum to pure sweetness and light in a matter of moments is utterly incredible. I mean, I know it's developmentally appropriate and stuff, but the tiny caveperson brain is truly a force to be reckoned with.
I also think it's preposterous the way we autonomous and fully reasonable adults can be held hostage (or, in my case, manipulated) by seemingly tiny things. It is truly preposterous what I put up with sometimes. At one point the step between tooth-brushing and changing-into-pajamas was standing at the doorway of her bedroom, letting her crawl between my legs, and petting her (no, not with THAT had, with the OTHER hand) because she was a kitty cat. Now she insists I hug her doll and stuffed animal before I kiss her goodnight but she MAKES ME SAY PLEASE before she'll give them to me. I have to ask for the privilege of doing something I never particularly wanted to do in the first place. Weirdo.
Some might say the things that a young child says are preposterous (see, for example, this notable quotable from November 13: "A diggity dog is a moose dressed like a zebra") but I for one think they're fascinating and often incredibly logical (okay, maybe not that one). So I'll just end by saying it is preposterous how unpreposterous parenting ends up being sometimes. Things that shouldn't make sense do, and that's just incredible.