(no subject)
Well. It's 3 hours past Christmas.
I'ld lkike to wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Best wishes to all.
hmm. i don't really have much to say honestly. I suppose alot has happened. and a part of me feels rather blah. it's the holidays and i should be chipper, but, life isn't always as simple as it should or would hope it to be.
I've found myself having this rather heavy weight upon me. No matter what i do it feels like i can't get rid of it, and in all honesty my own tolerance has gone down hill and i randomly throw anger fits while i'm alone. it's been like this the past month and i guess i just have to get over it now.
I feel lost mostly confused and lost. What's worse was that i put alot of effort into wanting something. or to be with someone and now the main thing i have to look forward to is just being able to see her. I guess that alone makes me feel content, even if i can't hold her close to me like i once did. I gues from here on. I would just have to bear with that weight on me and live it off like everyone else would live life. As a "friend" it's the best i can do with out showing her how much it really hurts inside.
Days after i found that I blame myself constantly for things that happened, or that was rather out of my own hands. So i stand there to myself after dropping her off. I thought to myself why. sigh*
I know i sound like a retard. I sat in a park alone that night and kinda cried to myself quietly. hurt i suppose angry. but not at her. mostly at how i can't help but be a total burden. remorse for that short moment. even as i speak i feel like i just wanna go out and be alone. hmm. maybe this yrs new yrs resultion needs some re-adjustment. alot has happened and something needs to change....
I need to change.
I'll still be there for her regardless.... and will always love her.
Andy Lau - Zai Shuo Yi Ci Wo Ai Ni
I'ld lkike to wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Best wishes to all.
hmm. i don't really have much to say honestly. I suppose alot has happened. and a part of me feels rather blah. it's the holidays and i should be chipper, but, life isn't always as simple as it should or would hope it to be.
I've found myself having this rather heavy weight upon me. No matter what i do it feels like i can't get rid of it, and in all honesty my own tolerance has gone down hill and i randomly throw anger fits while i'm alone. it's been like this the past month and i guess i just have to get over it now.
I feel lost mostly confused and lost. What's worse was that i put alot of effort into wanting something. or to be with someone and now the main thing i have to look forward to is just being able to see her. I guess that alone makes me feel content, even if i can't hold her close to me like i once did. I gues from here on. I would just have to bear with that weight on me and live it off like everyone else would live life. As a "friend" it's the best i can do with out showing her how much it really hurts inside.
Days after i found that I blame myself constantly for things that happened, or that was rather out of my own hands. So i stand there to myself after dropping her off. I thought to myself why. sigh*
I know i sound like a retard. I sat in a park alone that night and kinda cried to myself quietly. hurt i suppose angry. but not at her. mostly at how i can't help but be a total burden. remorse for that short moment. even as i speak i feel like i just wanna go out and be alone. hmm. maybe this yrs new yrs resultion needs some re-adjustment. alot has happened and something needs to change....
I need to change.
I'll still be there for her regardless.... and will always love her.
Andy Lau - Zai Shuo Yi Ci Wo Ai Ni