What's with today, today?
It's been a loong time since i've updated..
*sigh*
So, i dunno, the technical stuff is that I kicked butt the past semester(woot straight A-s) and my job is BORING AS HELL. I have an interview on thursday for Banana Republic, everyone should cross their fingers so i'll bestow gifts on you with my amazing discounts. And if i don't get that job..well Duane Reade wont even call me back so im fucked lol. Even my dad hired someone else.. i'm obsolite.
I had a lovely lovely birthday, thanks to a lot a lot of people that sent me cards(that klimt one is perfect kate) or presents or phone calls or anything. Amanda's Bday card makes me look forward to the fall: "You're gunna be my roommate!!! We can do crazy stuff like eat Coco Puffs at 3AM and watch sex scenes from The Lover over and over!".. see all the "crazy" college stuff i do?
To tell the truth, i feel really detached from whoever i am or was or whatever right now. Dennis and I have been all sorts of good and bad and now he's leaving for Taiwan in a few days and now i guess we're over, actually over(god i can't even wrap that concept around my brain)..and i don't even know where i am. I know during the day im cool or maybe happy or a total zombie and at night i cry and cry and cry. But it has to be okay, eventually, right? I have so many perfect perfect friends that are making every effort to be anything i need, basically our goal the last few days has been to keep me as distracted and/or drunk as possible.
Things to avoid at all costs:
Music of any sort = crying lol
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind(must be insane for trying to watch this now)
Anything related to Pandas
Going to bed(being alone is never more obvious than at this time)
Trying to read in a park swamped with couples groping eachother
Umm..basically every fucking thing that relates to the last 2.5 years
blah so this is my first time alone since puberty... i feel so freaking awkward and naked lol. I can't imagine being with any other guy right now, don't want to... the thought is just wrong and exhausting and i guess i miss what(who) i'm used to. Sorry to be vague, but I had the weirdest day today that i've ever had maybe, so now I'm sitting and listening to this gorgeous CD loaned to me by also proll the weirdest person i've ever just met...and i absolutely swear that the total randomness and opportunities opened up today was a sign that i can make something of myself here somehow. I hope its a sign and not a false promise.
"He is someone I could learn from
Someone I could become
I could stay here
Become someone different
I could stay here
Become someone better"
*sigh*
So, i dunno, the technical stuff is that I kicked butt the past semester(woot straight A-s) and my job is BORING AS HELL. I have an interview on thursday for Banana Republic, everyone should cross their fingers so i'll bestow gifts on you with my amazing discounts. And if i don't get that job..well Duane Reade wont even call me back so im fucked lol. Even my dad hired someone else.. i'm obsolite.
I had a lovely lovely birthday, thanks to a lot a lot of people that sent me cards(that klimt one is perfect kate) or presents or phone calls or anything. Amanda's Bday card makes me look forward to the fall: "You're gunna be my roommate!!! We can do crazy stuff like eat Coco Puffs at 3AM and watch sex scenes from The Lover over and over!".. see all the "crazy" college stuff i do?
To tell the truth, i feel really detached from whoever i am or was or whatever right now. Dennis and I have been all sorts of good and bad and now he's leaving for Taiwan in a few days and now i guess we're over, actually over(god i can't even wrap that concept around my brain)..and i don't even know where i am. I know during the day im cool or maybe happy or a total zombie and at night i cry and cry and cry. But it has to be okay, eventually, right? I have so many perfect perfect friends that are making every effort to be anything i need, basically our goal the last few days has been to keep me as distracted and/or drunk as possible.
Things to avoid at all costs:
Music of any sort = crying lol
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind(must be insane for trying to watch this now)
Anything related to Pandas
Going to bed(being alone is never more obvious than at this time)
Trying to read in a park swamped with couples groping eachother
Umm..basically every fucking thing that relates to the last 2.5 years
blah so this is my first time alone since puberty... i feel so freaking awkward and naked lol. I can't imagine being with any other guy right now, don't want to... the thought is just wrong and exhausting and i guess i miss what(who) i'm used to. Sorry to be vague, but I had the weirdest day today that i've ever had maybe, so now I'm sitting and listening to this gorgeous CD loaned to me by also proll the weirdest person i've ever just met...and i absolutely swear that the total randomness and opportunities opened up today was a sign that i can make something of myself here somehow. I hope its a sign and not a false promise.
"He is someone I could learn from
Someone I could become
I could stay here
Become someone different
I could stay here
Become someone better"