I was wondering if anybody could point me the way of blogs/articles/coloumns of women and men talking about taking on your partners last name
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http://www.SoYoureEngayged.com is doing a whole bunch of blog posts this week about many of their bloggers choices on taking and changing their last names. It's really interesting. Definitely check it out.
I wanted my husband to take my last name. He wouldn't. So we both hyphenated - Mylast-Hislast.
It was important to my husband that we share a last name. It was important to me to retain some semblance of where I came from in my name. Our names are really ridiculous if you hyphenate them. He was in the middle of immigrating to the US from Canada when we got married-had been here on an H1B working visa, so we didn't want to have the headache of changing his documentation with Canada (where his passport is issued) and USCIS. Legally my name is First Middle Maiden His Last. Socially I go by either First Maiden His Last or First His Last. Professionally I go by First Maiden. It feels like a decent compromise.
I'm doing this too - legally I'm First Middle Maiden HisLast, but for work I'll be First Middle Maiden. Given how much time I've spent establishing my professional identity under my name, I want to keep it (I also had a professor who was Prof. HisLast and don't want that to be my title too for weird reasons). But I like the idea of socially having the same name since we're a couple.
I'm in academia and many women have done this without much issue.
I'm in academia as well and while I know women who have had no issue, I also know women who have run into issues with their department buying plane tickets that don't match their IDs and kids' schools calling only to be told that there was no Mrs. X in the department (which was before cell phones so it caused quite a problem because the child was enroute to the ER). So while I agree, there can often be no issue, it's important to think about the possible issues that may crop up.
I think it's really unfair that because he doesn't want to change his name, the whole responsibility now rest on you. And I don't mean to disrespect your FH or you, I just think the whole situation for everyone sucks. Changing your identity is a big deal and for a person to be able to say no and no one blink, while if another says no it's a bfd, is really unfair.
I didn't change my name but I can't think of anyone else I know that didn't change their name. Or at least hyphenate it. So there will probably be a lot of blogs out there about changing names b/c it's still what people do. Here's something I found that gives it a feminist slant: http://dir.salon.com/mwt/feature/2003/10/16/names/index.html, which most of the time the argument comes down to women having the ability to choose.
that's definitely true! I was trying to make a generalized comment (and rushing off to bed, so sorry I wasn't very clear). I was just thinking how in these situations it really still depends on the guy. I think most of us who kept our name was because our Hs didn't care, so this idea that it's a choice isn't much of a choice. Because what happens when they do care and it's a dealbreaker for them? I'm sure many woman change their name b/c of that.
Also, I have two friend whose parents kept their name and so the last name is hyphenated. I don't know if that could be an option for your future children?
I have been with my husband for 5 years. In that time we have been long distance for a time, dealt with unemployment and parental death and moves and debt and school, lots of big life things that can be pretty fraught. The only time I ever felt that we wouldn't make it, when I thought we were on the verge of a breakup, was the utterly epic fight that resulted from me not changing my name. The lack of support or understanding I got from my peers about it at the time was kind of telling - it was my "choice" until I wasn't choosing the default. "Why even get married?," they said, "If you really love him why wouldn't you want his name?"
Obviously we worked it out, but if it had been a hair less important to me I'd have probably changed it to avoid the drama and I wonder how true that is for other women in my position.
I didn't do a lot of research into it before I was married, since I knew what my decision was pretty solidly (no, nope, nono), but I searched "last name" on Feministing and thought these were interesting.
We have been talking about changing BOTH of our last names to Mr. and Mrs. Mylastname-Hislastname (because my name starts earlier in the alphabet then his and we think it sounds better in alphabetical order)I am very attached to my last name and refuse to lose it. So it was that option or for him to take my name for us to have matching name because I cannot just let that part of myself go. And to us it seems perfectly even to change his last name too, so we are truly becoming a unit. Equal parts and all that.
I ahve read those and they were interesting. Our names sounds a tad silly together, they are both some what long and tedious. he doesnt want to do it and I cannot force him so ugh
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I wanted my husband to take my last name. He wouldn't. So we both hyphenated - Mylast-Hislast.
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I'm in academia and many women have done this without much issue.
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I didn't change my name but I can't think of anyone else I know that didn't change their name. Or at least hyphenate it. So there will probably be a lot of blogs out there about changing names b/c it's still what people do. Here's something I found that gives it a feminist slant: http://dir.salon.com/mwt/feature/2003/10/16/names/index.html, which most of the time the argument comes down to women having the ability to choose.
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Also, I have two friend whose parents kept their name and so the last name is hyphenated. I don't know if that could be an option for your future children?
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I have been with my husband for 5 years. In that time we have been long distance for a time, dealt with unemployment and parental death and moves and debt and school, lots of big life things that can be pretty fraught. The only time I ever felt that we wouldn't make it, when I thought we were on the verge of a breakup, was the utterly epic fight that resulted from me not changing my name. The lack of support or understanding I got from my peers about it at the time was kind of telling - it was my "choice" until I wasn't choosing the default. "Why even get married?," they said, "If you really love him why wouldn't you want his name?"
Obviously we worked it out, but if it had been a hair less important to me I'd have probably changed it to avoid the drama and I wonder how true that is for other women in my position.
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"What is in a name?"
"50% of Americans think women should be forced to take husbands’ last names"
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http://offbeatbride.com/2010/05/last-name-study
or for a list of all post having to deal with last names:
http://offbeatbride.com/tag/last-names
We have been talking about changing BOTH of our last names to Mr. and Mrs. Mylastname-Hislastname (because my name starts earlier in the alphabet then his and we think it sounds better in alphabetical order)I am very attached to my last name and refuse to lose it. So it was that option or for him to take my name for us to have matching name because I cannot just let that part of myself go. And to us it seems perfectly even to change his last name too, so we are truly becoming a unit. Equal parts and all that.
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