can you imagine still loving your boyfriend when they're old, grey, and wrinkled?
so... this guy i know sent me this FWD message... and in it was this story about someone recalling their youth in the 50's... and it was like a sitcom would be described... and at the end was something about fixing things that are broken rather than throwing them away... one of the examples was marriage... and i can't agree with this... because i
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Your view on marriage is rather unique- probably the only child of divorced parents who admits before they even marry that divorce would be an option if things changed too drastically. But if that's an option you'd consider, why not marry young? Because your mother forbids it?
Everyone, even the most constant of people change over time, and I don't think it's realistic to expect to be "in love" from 20-30 years of age until death. In fact, if you really want to get technical about things, it's impossible: they pinpointed the chemical that produces the sensation of being "in love" (with all the stomach butterflies, etc.) in the mind, and the body ceases to produce it after 3 years in a relationship. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Biological fact is biological fact.
That being said, I don't think it's unrealistic to marry- if your love comes from a deep respect instead of a chemical reaction. I don't get butterflies in my stomach every time Scott walks in the room, but I couldn't think of a better person to share my life and start a family with. When people go into a marriage expecting to have that "in love" sensation for the rest of thier lives, they are not only setting themselves up for disappointment, but they are cheating themselves out of truly appreciating the person they are with.
Those first few years, you're blinded by your rose-colored glasses. Everything is dreams and possibilities. A marriage that lasts, is a partnership that is absolutely content and happy with exactly what they have, in both life and eachother.
Just my thoughts.
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eric
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I wouldn't interpret my interest in science as never having been in love- I just seek the reasons as to why one would behave so irrationally. In fact, I'd argue that, since you and Liz seem to be under the influence of this reaction, you are offended at the prospect of it being so simple as chemistry. I have been there, and I understand it.
But I think it's not only rude, but arrogant and naive to say that I have never experienced a love (like, say, yours?) because I am committed to reason.
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in the end, i am still one of those people who believes that love is beyond the physical and enters into the spiritual... again, this is how i was raised, and these were the examples of love i was shown...
and i know you're probably just trying to start problems, but don't be arrogant and naive yourself by assuming things... by your logic, you are reacting the way you are because you're offended at the prospect that you've never experienced the sort of love i believe exists...
there are things science can't explain...
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I have no problems with, nor do I pass any sort of judgement on, your relationship and your feelings for one another. When I state scientific facts, I do not mean to say that you and Eric, specifically, will not be in love in three years: I mean to say that it's a possibility in ALL relationships and that it is unrealistic to assume that those sensations will last forever. I HOPE that you stay as madly in love as you are now for the rest of your lives. I am your friend, and as such I don't resent your happiness. But haven't you noticed that you're *always* in love with your boyfriend, each one more than the next? And your relationships don't tend to extend furher than two years, do they?
I'm not being cynical, I'm being realistic. Maybe your mom & stepdad are still as "in love" as they were the day they married- but didn't you confess that they're both drug users? That does tend to alter one's emotions a bit, doesn't it? I can't say that sets an entirely positive example for you, either. I wouldn't want to try to live up to that standard without the aid of chemical enhancements.
And I don't appreciate having my personal life brought up in a public forum. I think it's ridiculous that you need to make personal, presumptive attacks on me and my beliefs so that you can prove your love to the world. Aside from being in poor taste, it's also not a rebuttal to the scientific facts I had stated. This is why I hate arguments with liberal arts majors- "You just don't understand" isn't even a valid argument, but that's how these things always end.
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as far as my past relationships, i'm not more and more in love as time goes on... it was actually quite a varying scale... first one i didn't love, second one was the stupid 'i love you forever' of high school, third i didn't love, fourth i loved, and fifth i loved, but with a little bit of coldness held with both of them... when the feeling wore off, it was time to go... shit, with some of them the feeling never really took hold... yes, eric and i have the strongest relationship i've ever had... but even you can attest that he's the best guy i've ever been with... not even from that lovey 'oh you're the bestest' standpoint, but he's just a much better human being all around... i would certainly hope i valued him more than i valued the other miscreants i've dated...
my mother was never a drug user while i've been on this earth... she smoked pot and took diet pills in high school, but past that, she didn't do anything... she thinks it's pointless... my stepfather is a different story... but their influence didn't occur until i was 15... prior to that, i had my stepmother and father, who are under the influence of no drugs and lead quite the happy life... that came about when i was 4, so prior to that i had my grandparents... this isn't even taking into account the number of happily married aunts and uncles i have...
nobody is attacking you or even arguing for that matter, but if that is how you see debates over the internet, than i can't force you to believe otherwise... nobody said "you just don't understand," they're just not agreeing with you... this isn't the forum for you to trump yourself up and smack down those you see as less than yourself... there is no right or wrong here... nobody is going to 'win' this discussion...
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most of my relationships died before they hit the one year mark... i've only had one relationship that made it past one year, and that was jim, and that was lizzy being more into the sex life than the love life... whenever i thought about leaving, i thought to myself "but i'll never have sex this good again!" but again, it's the change people go through as they age... puberty doesn't level out until your early 20's...
and the 16 year old thing wasn't against you... half the people i know have had the 'love of their life' occur at 16... in fact, i gave away almost nothing of your personal life in my responses...
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