Episode 1: Peter Parker's Pilot
A. [Action | 460 Stone St | Outside]
[When Peter woke up, yawned, kissed his sleeping wife on the shoulder, clambered out of bed and walked towards the bathroom with his eyes shut... he immediately toppled down the stairs and landed on his face. Jumping up with alarm, his brain clicked awake, synapses firing, as he quickly listed the Wrongs in his situation. 1) He had just fallen down the stairs. There are no stairs outside his room. They are supposed to be down the hall. 2) He fell down the stairs. Peter did not fall down stairs. He had the agility of an arachnid and the danger sense of a spider. Why didn't he see that fall coming and... not do that!? and 3) this was not his living room.
After he darted back up the stairs, he began to say his wife's name but froze, shocked, when he realized 4) he didn't know who the heck that was in his bed and 5) she had slept through him tumbling downstairs like a drunken elephant but yelping like a toy poodle. Peter stopped mid-sentence, turned, opened his closet, removed a strangely old-fashioned set of clothes, changed out of his strange flannel pajamas (in the bathroom, because who the hell is that lady!?), walked outside and sat on the grass of the well-maintained lawn, stunned.]
...Oh God. I really did it. This is... really happening. Its obvious what's going on here. Why else am I in this weird house in someone else's clothes?
I got drunk off of that wine cooler and cheated on Mary Jane.
...I really hope she was at least attractive. I'll still feel horrible, but at least I wouldn't also feel like an moron.
B. [Phone]
[The line is quiet for a few moments, as if the phone is being held at a distance, before a hesitant voice begins to speak into it.]
...Hello? Uh... the operator there doesn't seem to be of much use, and I can't seem to get through to my family with this stupid thing. Not totally sure anyone's even listening to this, but... Um. Time for drastic measures.
I'd like to order a pizza please?