Frustrated
Why does it seem that I smile less and less and that I am happy less and less of the time? This whole seeing a pschotherapist thing is great (at times), makes me feel good for a little while, and then something small happens, and I am back to feeling like crap and super jaded. It's such a roller coaster of emotions. I haven't felt super excited about anything in a long time. Actually the most exciting thing today was looking at pretty pictures on www.theberry.com ... that's almost sad. Lately I have just felt calm, blah, sad, or frustrated. Calm is the most positive feeling I have felt since September began.
Right now I want change. I almost want new everything. New boyfriend (I currently have two half boyfriends... pathetic), new friends, new job. I am currently happy enough with where I live. My roommates are nice, my house is okay, and my new bed is pretty damn awesome. The only thing that could make my bed and my house a little bit better was if there was a guy who liked to share his time in my space (and my time in his space). However even though my living conditions are suitable for the moment, I could also be happy going back home and living in Ottawa. The only down side to that is I would lose my psychotherapist I see here. Right now he is my life counsellor... and is impacting my life as much or more than my parents currently are. I think that one of the biggest mistakes I've made so far in my life was moving away from home. I don't want to go back to living with my parents, but living close to them would be nice.
My therapist told me I should write down my feelings and thoughts that contributed towards me feeling like this right now. However I don't know what the cause of this was right now. I think it might have been the feeling of a disappointing and unfulfilling friendship.
I want to feel happy. I want to have a rewarding relationship with a guy. However today is not the day for either of those two things. ... Great... :/
Action plan to help myself feel better:
- put on country music
- take emotion stabilizing vitamins
- drink some wine
- start studying, so that hopefully tomorrow night I can go to the bar!!!
Right now I want change. I almost want new everything. New boyfriend (I currently have two half boyfriends... pathetic), new friends, new job. I am currently happy enough with where I live. My roommates are nice, my house is okay, and my new bed is pretty damn awesome. The only thing that could make my bed and my house a little bit better was if there was a guy who liked to share his time in my space (and my time in his space). However even though my living conditions are suitable for the moment, I could also be happy going back home and living in Ottawa. The only down side to that is I would lose my psychotherapist I see here. Right now he is my life counsellor... and is impacting my life as much or more than my parents currently are. I think that one of the biggest mistakes I've made so far in my life was moving away from home. I don't want to go back to living with my parents, but living close to them would be nice.
My therapist told me I should write down my feelings and thoughts that contributed towards me feeling like this right now. However I don't know what the cause of this was right now. I think it might have been the feeling of a disappointing and unfulfilling friendship.
I want to feel happy. I want to have a rewarding relationship with a guy. However today is not the day for either of those two things. ... Great... :/
Action plan to help myself feel better:
- put on country music
- take emotion stabilizing vitamins
- drink some wine
- start studying, so that hopefully tomorrow night I can go to the bar!!!