Some time has passed!
It has been quite a while since I have written in my journal!! My life have definitely improved in the past few weeks! I am so much happier now than I have been in a long LONG time. My happiness is due to finally being able to understand myself and finally do things for myself and learn how to appreciate myself. About a month ago (I think) I started seeing a pyschotherapist weekly. He has been able to teach me about myself and have been able to make sense of why I think and feel the way I do. For years I was just a people pleaser with not much going on for me. Now I have realized that being a people pleaser does not get me anywhere... it makes me lots of friends (which is great), however it doesn't really do much for myself. I still have a long way to go, and I still need to work on developing myself, however I know that I am currently on the right track (for once in my life). I know it's the right track because it's what I WANT!
Derek and I are still seeing each other! This goes contrary to the advice of every single person I know - except for my therapist. So, I am going to continue seeing Derek. (Disclaimer: My therapist did not tell me to continue seeing Derek but he is supporting my reasoning). I am no longer seeing any other guy. I was seeing this and that guy for a while, but one day it just hit me that if I was going to put effort into another guy, why don't I just put effort into being with him because ultimately, I want to be with him. I was also hanging out with one guy one day and I thought to myself "I am having fun, but I wish this guy was Derek", and then the big OH SHIT hit me right smack in the face. It was then that I knew that I had to try and get Derek back. So Derek and I are not together, however the amount of communication has increased dramatically - he is now replying to my texts (yay!), and he even called me on the phone on Thursday. .... He called to cancel our plans, however, he called me on the phone! I haven't talked to him on the phone in months. It was amazing. I don't know if it will work out for us in the end, but for now, I want to try and figure a few things out with him, and then either get back together with him, or realize that we are not good together and move on. Either of these outcomes I am okay with.
I've learned a lot about myself. I am pretty excited too! I painted my bathroom downstairs today. I now have to paint the trim and put up the toilet paper holder and the towel rack. I bought new ones. They will look really pretty. I also bought a nice patio set off kijiji for a great price! I am so excited!!! And it's Friday night and I am not at the bar getting drunk right now... weird! :P All of this is pretty unlike the typical me, however I am finding the new me... so this is all good! This doesn't mean I am not going out anymore, however I just realized that I all of my escapism ways are not so effective to actually learning anything about myself or doing anything about it either. I have been trying to do other things than by just feeding my addictions. And it's working!
Here is a really cute video to watch:
http://www.mattandginny.com/
And here is a song that has inspired me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
It's called "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)" by Baz Luhrmann. I hope you enjoy it!
Derek and I are still seeing each other! This goes contrary to the advice of every single person I know - except for my therapist. So, I am going to continue seeing Derek. (Disclaimer: My therapist did not tell me to continue seeing Derek but he is supporting my reasoning). I am no longer seeing any other guy. I was seeing this and that guy for a while, but one day it just hit me that if I was going to put effort into another guy, why don't I just put effort into being with him because ultimately, I want to be with him. I was also hanging out with one guy one day and I thought to myself "I am having fun, but I wish this guy was Derek", and then the big OH SHIT hit me right smack in the face. It was then that I knew that I had to try and get Derek back. So Derek and I are not together, however the amount of communication has increased dramatically - he is now replying to my texts (yay!), and he even called me on the phone on Thursday. .... He called to cancel our plans, however, he called me on the phone! I haven't talked to him on the phone in months. It was amazing. I don't know if it will work out for us in the end, but for now, I want to try and figure a few things out with him, and then either get back together with him, or realize that we are not good together and move on. Either of these outcomes I am okay with.
I've learned a lot about myself. I am pretty excited too! I painted my bathroom downstairs today. I now have to paint the trim and put up the toilet paper holder and the towel rack. I bought new ones. They will look really pretty. I also bought a nice patio set off kijiji for a great price! I am so excited!!! And it's Friday night and I am not at the bar getting drunk right now... weird! :P All of this is pretty unlike the typical me, however I am finding the new me... so this is all good! This doesn't mean I am not going out anymore, however I just realized that I all of my escapism ways are not so effective to actually learning anything about myself or doing anything about it either. I have been trying to do other things than by just feeding my addictions. And it's working!
Here is a really cute video to watch:
http://www.mattandginny.com/
And here is a song that has inspired me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
It's called "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)" by Baz Luhrmann. I hope you enjoy it!