Alli's guide to Oliver Stone's Alexander.
Yes my girls. I am £6.95 worse off today after spending said sum on a visit to the kino (as they say in Russia) to hie myself back to 352BC. Or some time close to it. I wasn't pay attention to some of the historical details. Distracted by prettiness y'see? Story of my life. In brief, this movie tries to do too much and ends up doing nothing really well. Brave try. But doomed to failure. I won't take the thing apart entirely so as not to spoil it for anyone.
Good things:
Jared Leto. Oh he's bliss. Straggly nasty hair thing going on, enough eyeliner to blind a hundred lab rabbits. But still everytime he appeared on screen the film was suddenly better. He has gravitas and presence and his love for Alexander is deliciously portrayed. Fine work dear sir. And I shall be seeking you out in the future. So I'd start running now if I were you :)*smooches Jared*
Battle scenes. Two of. One with a cast of thousands and chariots and dust. One with nellifriends (elephants). Both with lots of red paint flying about. And both demonstrating an aspect to Alexander that Stone DOES manage to get to grips with - his ability to lead by sheer will and strength of character in the face of ridiculous odds. Watch how the direction contracts the action in both cases right down to the figure of Alexander himself at the end of each sequence. Excellent. Good work Ollie. Tick that box at least.
Our Colin: Particularly in the later years. Man alive that boy can shout convincingly. And fight. And suffer. And some of the wigs didn't look like wigs! Hurrah. *hugs Colin*
Production values to die for. Amazing surreal use of colour at important times. So you can see where the cash went.
Not such good things:
Jolie and that bird that plays Roxanne. Jesus H. Christ. Either Stone hates women or the scriptwriters do or I am stupid but they were performances designed to make you squirm with embarrassment. Which I dutifully did. Nil point girls. Ewww.
NO HEPH/ALEX snogging. Out-fucking-rageous. Their love is all wet-eyed glances and rather lovely dialogue and PINING. And gentle viewer is left in no doubt that Alexander loves Heph and ONLY Heph. The symbolism is laid on with a trowel of substantial proportions and as a romance it is fucking romantic. But no kisses. Not one. Bit of face stroking but that's it. Crazy and frustrating. But look for the scene between them on the night of A's marriage to Roxanne. An alternative wedding between the two boys. So absolutely darling that I cried. So not all bad I spose. But a wasted opportunity. The concept (with which we are all so happily familiar) of two proper manly brave extraordinary MEN engaged in intimacy of a sexual nature was obviously thought too complex and challenging for the audience. So they chuck in a boy who could be a eunuch (making it as het as it could be without actually being het) for the no-sex sex scenes with Col and leave Jared sulking on the subs bench. *sighs*
So my verdict? Inconsistently I loved it. Three hours flew by. And the times it thrilled me outweighed the times I wanted to strangle everyone responsible for its existence.
Good things:
Jared Leto. Oh he's bliss. Straggly nasty hair thing going on, enough eyeliner to blind a hundred lab rabbits. But still everytime he appeared on screen the film was suddenly better. He has gravitas and presence and his love for Alexander is deliciously portrayed. Fine work dear sir. And I shall be seeking you out in the future. So I'd start running now if I were you :)*smooches Jared*
Battle scenes. Two of. One with a cast of thousands and chariots and dust. One with nellifriends (elephants). Both with lots of red paint flying about. And both demonstrating an aspect to Alexander that Stone DOES manage to get to grips with - his ability to lead by sheer will and strength of character in the face of ridiculous odds. Watch how the direction contracts the action in both cases right down to the figure of Alexander himself at the end of each sequence. Excellent. Good work Ollie. Tick that box at least.
Our Colin: Particularly in the later years. Man alive that boy can shout convincingly. And fight. And suffer. And some of the wigs didn't look like wigs! Hurrah. *hugs Colin*
Production values to die for. Amazing surreal use of colour at important times. So you can see where the cash went.
Not such good things:
Jolie and that bird that plays Roxanne. Jesus H. Christ. Either Stone hates women or the scriptwriters do or I am stupid but they were performances designed to make you squirm with embarrassment. Which I dutifully did. Nil point girls. Ewww.
NO HEPH/ALEX snogging. Out-fucking-rageous. Their love is all wet-eyed glances and rather lovely dialogue and PINING. And gentle viewer is left in no doubt that Alexander loves Heph and ONLY Heph. The symbolism is laid on with a trowel of substantial proportions and as a romance it is fucking romantic. But no kisses. Not one. Bit of face stroking but that's it. Crazy and frustrating. But look for the scene between them on the night of A's marriage to Roxanne. An alternative wedding between the two boys. So absolutely darling that I cried. So not all bad I spose. But a wasted opportunity. The concept (with which we are all so happily familiar) of two proper manly brave extraordinary MEN engaged in intimacy of a sexual nature was obviously thought too complex and challenging for the audience. So they chuck in a boy who could be a eunuch (making it as het as it could be without actually being het) for the no-sex sex scenes with Col and leave Jared sulking on the subs bench. *sighs*
So my verdict? Inconsistently I loved it. Three hours flew by. And the times it thrilled me outweighed the times I wanted to strangle everyone responsible for its existence.