{seattle police department} In which Ruby and Jo throw Ruby a bachelorette party.
Jo was feeling mighty pleased with herself and it wasn't just because of the three Rum and Cokes she had. No, she was feeling really good because this had to be the best bachlorette party ever and not just because they were getting arrested. She had really out done herself, she really had. There had been plenty of alcohol, a given when the planner owned a bar, but there were also some very, very, incredibly fine male strippers. Somewhere. Probably back at the bar. She knew that they weren't in the backseat because the cops had searched the backseat and there was nothing in there. Or at least, there was nothing they'd find. She was sure her secret weapons compartments were safe from their prying fingers.
"Hey, hey, officers," Jo called, her voice surprisngly reasonable for being three seats to the wind. "Can you hurry this up? This curb is cold and my ass is falling asleep."
She paused, thinking fond thoughts of the cop stripper that had given her a lap dance. Sadly, it was as close to sex as she had gotten in months. Stupid angels making her boyfriend an angel and a monk. Those bastards.
Jo swung around and looked at Ruby, "You're right, angels are dicks. No, no, dickless bastards. Bastards."
She let out a breath, then looked back at the cops. "And I want my bat back when you're done with it!"
"Giant fucking Ken dolls," Ruby nodded seriously. She was pretty blitzed herself. It had been a long, long time since she had gotten drunk just for the sake of getting drunk, and she was actually pretty glad that she was in a position to do so. It had taken her a little bit more than Jo to get hammered, but she had gotten there. With the strippers. Mmmm -- strippers. She very much approved of those strippers, because Ruby wasn't getting laid either. Though that was more because Sam was hurt. Once he was better? Sex like bunnies. But until then, Ruby was on her own.
She blinked up at the officer who was watching them, looking at his face for a moment before speaking up. "You know, I'm old enough to be your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great -- " She got lost somewhere in the greats, then shook her head as she decided to just finish with a dismissive wave of her hand. " -- Something."
"Better not be literal," Jo grumbled. She would not be happy if Michael turned Dean into a Ken doll. Someone would have to pay... for the male hooker. She laughed at her own cleverness. Damn, she was funny.
"It's true. She's ooooooollllld. Older than old. And if she was sober, she'd totally kick your ass for this." Jo grinned at the cop. "Me too, but I'm plastered and you kinda look like the stripper we had so I'm gonna be nice. But, you know, you should let us go anyway because her boyfriend was the Antichrist and mine's an Archangel. Not a good idea to arrest us. Nope."
Ruby watched the cops for a minute, before leaning over and whispering very loudly to Jo. "I don't think they get it."
Whispering very loudly back, Jo nodded. "We could make a break for it?"
At this point, the cops decided that they should move the two of them into the backseat of the patrol car. Jo struggled a bit. "Hey, hey, hey, I can walk Officer Handsy. Don't make me get Dean to smite you. He will. You'll be blinking eyeballs before you know it."
Ruby shoved hers off her, and started stumbling towards the patrol car. "I can walk too." She swayed slightly at that before catching herself on the hood of the car. "I think."
Jo snorted a laugh, "What? Can't hold you alcohol now that you're just like the rest of us? You lightweight."
She straightened herself up and stumbled right into the back door of the patrol car. She blinked and then kicked the door. "Stupid door."
"Hey! Angels aren't big on booze okay?" she said, looking back at Jo as she leaned against the side of the trunk. "My tolerance pretty much went whoop! when they made me human."
"Those bastards. Didn't I say they were bastards? Bastards." Jo paused. "That should make it easy to get Dean drunk and have my way with him though. Remind me to do that."
Ruby gave her a hard salute as the cop opened the door and slid both of them inside, settling them next to each other. "It'll be like he's a virgin aaaaaaaalllll over again." She paused, before patting Jo on the leg. "Have fun with that."
Jo dropped her head back and groaned. "Damn it, that means I have to teach him that thing he did with his tongue again. I hate angels, Ruby. I really do."
At this point, the cops were just ignoring them as they got in the front and started to drive back to the station house. Jo was too busy lamenting the loss of her really awesome sex life to care.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, he's never going to want any other girl. You're stuck with him for eternity."
"Great, perfectly loyal and crappy in the sack. Woo-fucking-hoo."
Ruby sighed. "I feel your pain. I'm stuck with Gimpy McGimperson."
"Yeah, but when he's not sore, you're so getting laid and he'll know what to do." She looked over at Ruby. "I kinda hate you right now."
Ruby gave her a look right back. "I have over five hundred years of memories of Hell in my head."
"Good sex will distract you." She was really too drunk to think about serious matters like Hell.
"Mmmm. That's true. Sam's very, very good at that." She perked up slightly. "He does a thing with his tongue too, but I think it's different from Dean's thing, cuz that would just be skeevey."
Jo made a face. "That is skeevey. Let's not go there. Ever."
"Yes. Never again. That's yucky."
A giggle escaped. "Man, that was a really awesome swing you took at that mailbox. Where'd you learn to bat? We you around for the invention?"
Ruby shrugged. "I was never really a sports person. Unless it was mixed martial arts."
Jo applauded appropriately. "Very well done. I'm proud."
"Thank you!" Ruby said with a bright grin.
Jo burst out laughing at that while the cops brought them around to intake. They were going to be put into holding until they sobered up and someone posted bail. Jo was still laughing when they helped her out of the backseat of the car.
"Is there anyone you want to call?" the officer asked.
"Yes, yes. Ruby, who should we call?"
"Sam can't come, Dean doesn't have any cash -- " A bit of a pause and a headtilt before brightening. "Alec!"
"Alec!" Jo echoed then whirlled on the cop. "I want you to call Alec. He will bring bail."
"Number?"
She rattled off Alec's number and then happily went with the other officer to the holding cell, confident Dean's son would bust them out of the pokey.
Ruby followed her lead, settling down on the bench inside, and starting to curl up on her side. "I'm sleepy. Wake me up when he gets here."
"Aye-aye soon to be Mrs. Winchester." Jo saluted sloppily and settled in to wait.
"Hey, hey, officers," Jo called, her voice surprisngly reasonable for being three seats to the wind. "Can you hurry this up? This curb is cold and my ass is falling asleep."
She paused, thinking fond thoughts of the cop stripper that had given her a lap dance. Sadly, it was as close to sex as she had gotten in months. Stupid angels making her boyfriend an angel and a monk. Those bastards.
Jo swung around and looked at Ruby, "You're right, angels are dicks. No, no, dickless bastards. Bastards."
She let out a breath, then looked back at the cops. "And I want my bat back when you're done with it!"
"Giant fucking Ken dolls," Ruby nodded seriously. She was pretty blitzed herself. It had been a long, long time since she had gotten drunk just for the sake of getting drunk, and she was actually pretty glad that she was in a position to do so. It had taken her a little bit more than Jo to get hammered, but she had gotten there. With the strippers. Mmmm -- strippers. She very much approved of those strippers, because Ruby wasn't getting laid either. Though that was more because Sam was hurt. Once he was better? Sex like bunnies. But until then, Ruby was on her own.
She blinked up at the officer who was watching them, looking at his face for a moment before speaking up. "You know, I'm old enough to be your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great -- " She got lost somewhere in the greats, then shook her head as she decided to just finish with a dismissive wave of her hand. " -- Something."
"Better not be literal," Jo grumbled. She would not be happy if Michael turned Dean into a Ken doll. Someone would have to pay... for the male hooker. She laughed at her own cleverness. Damn, she was funny.
"It's true. She's ooooooollllld. Older than old. And if she was sober, she'd totally kick your ass for this." Jo grinned at the cop. "Me too, but I'm plastered and you kinda look like the stripper we had so I'm gonna be nice. But, you know, you should let us go anyway because her boyfriend was the Antichrist and mine's an Archangel. Not a good idea to arrest us. Nope."
Ruby watched the cops for a minute, before leaning over and whispering very loudly to Jo. "I don't think they get it."
Whispering very loudly back, Jo nodded. "We could make a break for it?"
At this point, the cops decided that they should move the two of them into the backseat of the patrol car. Jo struggled a bit. "Hey, hey, hey, I can walk Officer Handsy. Don't make me get Dean to smite you. He will. You'll be blinking eyeballs before you know it."
Ruby shoved hers off her, and started stumbling towards the patrol car. "I can walk too." She swayed slightly at that before catching herself on the hood of the car. "I think."
Jo snorted a laugh, "What? Can't hold you alcohol now that you're just like the rest of us? You lightweight."
She straightened herself up and stumbled right into the back door of the patrol car. She blinked and then kicked the door. "Stupid door."
"Hey! Angels aren't big on booze okay?" she said, looking back at Jo as she leaned against the side of the trunk. "My tolerance pretty much went whoop! when they made me human."
"Those bastards. Didn't I say they were bastards? Bastards." Jo paused. "That should make it easy to get Dean drunk and have my way with him though. Remind me to do that."
Ruby gave her a hard salute as the cop opened the door and slid both of them inside, settling them next to each other. "It'll be like he's a virgin aaaaaaaalllll over again." She paused, before patting Jo on the leg. "Have fun with that."
Jo dropped her head back and groaned. "Damn it, that means I have to teach him that thing he did with his tongue again. I hate angels, Ruby. I really do."
At this point, the cops were just ignoring them as they got in the front and started to drive back to the station house. Jo was too busy lamenting the loss of her really awesome sex life to care.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, he's never going to want any other girl. You're stuck with him for eternity."
"Great, perfectly loyal and crappy in the sack. Woo-fucking-hoo."
Ruby sighed. "I feel your pain. I'm stuck with Gimpy McGimperson."
"Yeah, but when he's not sore, you're so getting laid and he'll know what to do." She looked over at Ruby. "I kinda hate you right now."
Ruby gave her a look right back. "I have over five hundred years of memories of Hell in my head."
"Good sex will distract you." She was really too drunk to think about serious matters like Hell.
"Mmmm. That's true. Sam's very, very good at that." She perked up slightly. "He does a thing with his tongue too, but I think it's different from Dean's thing, cuz that would just be skeevey."
Jo made a face. "That is skeevey. Let's not go there. Ever."
"Yes. Never again. That's yucky."
A giggle escaped. "Man, that was a really awesome swing you took at that mailbox. Where'd you learn to bat? We you around for the invention?"
Ruby shrugged. "I was never really a sports person. Unless it was mixed martial arts."
Jo applauded appropriately. "Very well done. I'm proud."
"Thank you!" Ruby said with a bright grin.
Jo burst out laughing at that while the cops brought them around to intake. They were going to be put into holding until they sobered up and someone posted bail. Jo was still laughing when they helped her out of the backseat of the car.
"Is there anyone you want to call?" the officer asked.
"Yes, yes. Ruby, who should we call?"
"Sam can't come, Dean doesn't have any cash -- " A bit of a pause and a headtilt before brightening. "Alec!"
"Alec!" Jo echoed then whirlled on the cop. "I want you to call Alec. He will bring bail."
"Number?"
She rattled off Alec's number and then happily went with the other officer to the holding cell, confident Dean's son would bust them out of the pokey.
Ruby followed her lead, settling down on the bench inside, and starting to curl up on her side. "I'm sleepy. Wake me up when he gets here."
"Aye-aye soon to be Mrs. Winchester." Jo saluted sloppily and settled in to wait.