but you never call at all
Title: Little of Your Time [1/6]
Author: waxrose
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Nino/Jun with Aiba/Jun (possible Aiba/Jun/Nino in later chapters?) and implications of Ohno/Nino
Length: ~2,000 words
Author's Notes: A small birthday gift for aoimidori - I love you lots, hun, and I hope that you have a fabulous day! ♥
Summary: A remix of this drabble, originally done for aoimidori. S-sorry, it's a bit angsty. Okay, REALLY kind of angsty. ;____; I want to keep this going - and you know, make it LESS ANGSTY, so it'll actually be a multi-chapter fic (something I haven't done since two fandoms ago, horrors! :D), but here's the first part. :)
Oh my, I don't mind
Being the other guy
Nice try, for these games
I do not have the time
If you want me, call me
Come and take a risk
Kiss me somewhere deep below the surface - "Little of Your Time" - Maroon5
The only thing that Jun is certain of is that they never talk about it.
He thinks about it sometimes, like now, when Nino's skin is hot, pressing against him, all his angles and corners sharp against Jun. There's no slow-down, no words beyond the almost-hiss of a name, muttered instructions, just the pull of reaction without thought.
Their eyes meet only for a flashing second as Jun hovers uncertainly above Nino, and it's just before Jun pushes into him that he thinks over Nino's low, keening moan that it's because there are no words to talk about what exactly they are doing - or rather, why - because neither of them are really sure.
He loves Nino, with that heartfelt deep tug at his soul that he feels for all of Arashi. None of them are complete without each other, not because it's made to be that way, but because they've been a part of each other for so long that things cannot possibly be any different now. And Nino loves him for all the same, uncomplicated reasons - but that's different, you see, they can talk about that, even if they usually have to be completely drunk before they do.
So it's not that this is unspoken because it's embarrassing, or because there's no feelings behind it. Jun thinks maybe, maybe they both don't know why - why they started, why he needs this so badly, why Nino sought him out in the first place all those months ago (after a long night of drinking, eyes bright as his fingers skim the beat of Jun's pulse on his wrist, leans a little too close, eyes full of wanting for something he's sure he's allowed if he pushes just a little - ) and he's afraid to speak to it, even if just because it might mean the end of it altogether. Nino is still closed-off, still reserved, silent and watchful and cautious even as he kisses Jun softly, even as his fingers skim up Jun's sides almost lightly enough to be ticklish.
It's really who they both are, to leave a thing like this alone and just let it be what it is. Nino's fingers tighten on Jun's waist as their movements grow more frantic, and there's no sound but their quickened breaths in the quiet dark of Jun's bedroom.
*
It's a good thing that they don't have to be at the studio until noon today, because Jun wakes up feeling incredibly lazy, stretching out his legs under the sheets and rubbing his bare toes against the cool fabric.
He can hear his shower running and he lies in bed, arms crossed behind his head on the pillow until Nino emerges, hair still dripping wet and only wearing a pair of Jun's sweatpants. They're too long on him. He's rolled them up around his ankles, tied them tight about his hips to keep them from slipping.
"Good morning," Jun says, surprised by how normal his voice sounds.
"'Morning." Nino sorts absentmindedly through the pile of his clothes on Jun's floor. "How's your head?"
"I didn't drink that much." With his glasses on, he can see that Nino still looks tired, and he isn't surprised, they didn't stumble into Jun's place until going on 3:00AM and they spent at least a good hour fucking after that. "How much time until we have to leave?"
"Enough for you to make me breakfast," Nino says cheerfully, and Jun takes that as his cue to throw a pillow at Nino's head.
Sho is the only one waiting when they arrive. Jun waves at him before going to hang up his jacket in the corner. Sho is reading a newspaper, but he smiles and puts it aside when Nino greets him with a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek and slides into his lap comfortably. "You look like you had a rough night," he tells Nino, poking gently at the bags under his eyes with a finger.
"Went drinking with some magicians," Nino says and Jun is once again struck by the ease of his lies. "I didn't get much sleep."
Sho laughs, rubbing under Nino's eyes with his thumbs lightly, as though he can smooth the bags away like that. "Was it fun?"
"I learned some new tricks." Nino's eyes slide to Jun and Jun looks away under the pretense of looking for something in his bag, feeling a shiver creep along his skin.
It's just like any other day, but Jun can't quite shake his wonder at how they slide back into themselves. Maybe if it had happened just once they'd both be easier about it, that's something you can laugh off, realize as a night of drunken fumbling with nostalgia and feel at ease being able to pin it down in it's place in your memory, noted and past and fully explained. But it's been four, five times now and it makes Jun feel a bit like things are spiraling out from the realm of the comfortable with no sure roadmap.
He tucks that aside as everyone arrives and the briefing begins. Of all of them, Aiba is the most awake and energetic, laughing loudly in Nino's ear until Nino playfully smacks him, stealing Sho's newspaper and reading out the headlines in an accent until the staff politely ask him to settle down. He pulls his chair next to Jun's while they all listen, almost leaning into Jun. Across the table, next to Nino, the only sign Ohno is giving of being awake is his half-open eyes and Jun's not sure that's the best indicator.
"Are you okay?" Aiba asks later, during a break. Jun starts and looks up to see Aiba holding out a hot cup of coffee to him. Jun accepts it and takes a sip, avoiding Aiba's eyes.
"Just tired."
Aiba strokes Jun's bangs back from his face, carefully, like he half-expects his hand to be swatted away. His fingers are warm and Jun tries not to twitch against his touch.
"Are you free for dinner?" Aiba draws his hands back, tucks them casually into the back pockets of his jeans. "There's a new restaurant a few blocks from here that I want to try."
"Yeah." Jun wraps his fingers around the paper cup, insides warming when Aiba smiles down at him, bright and pleased. "Yeah, that's fine."
*
Aiba was Jun's first time (well, with a guy, it's not like Jun was a virgin), not that Jun thought of it as The First at the time. It was more like 'That Time', something he hadn't seen coming, something that he didn't really think would repeat itself. He had gone into it fully aware of the situation, but somewhat lost at how to react to Aiba's eagerness, Aiba's warm laughter and long fingers moving confidently against Jun's skin.
It had been good - unsettling and more than a little awkward the next day at work for a few minutes, but Jun had only good memories of Aiba's warm lips, his certainty and how cute he looked in the morning, blinking sleepily at him, with slightly tousled hair.
They were younger than, and Jun still remembers those days with a vague pang of sympathy for his younger self, awkward and sharp and wanting so much he wasn't sure he could have.
It's been years now, and Jun is long past not admitting to himself how Aiba figures into things. He's older now, a bit less awkward around the edges and he's somewhat settled it inside himself what exactly scared his younger self about the hot flutter in his stomach when Sho smiled at him or Ohno complimented his dancing.
But that doesn't make things any easier. If anything, it makes them harder, because Jun knows what he wants and what it means, and it's the difference between being pushed into a swimming pool unawares and diving into the deep end headfirst. It's the conscious act that rattles Jun, especially since Aiba's never really talked about it since, in his casual way that means he doesn't want to let Jun think they'll ever change around each other no matter what. Aiba means well by it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Jun follows Aiba home after dinner, listens to him prattle on about filming Childminder the other day with Ohno, about the new CD that he bought, about the little old woman who tried to hug him on the train that morning. He tries to act normal and attentive, but he's almost afraid that Aiba can see the uneasy set of his shoulders, the way he struggles to speak casually when his mind feels heavy and rushed.
He relaxes back, lets his arm rest against Aiba's shoulders, their knees bumping together a little when Jun draws his legs up on the sofa. He watches Aiba's lips when he talks, the lightning -quick flutter of his eyelashes when he blinks. Jun wonders, for a brief moment, about leaning forward and pressing his lips to Aiba's. He imagines the way Aiba's eyes would widen in momentary surprise, the softness of his lips.
He wants to, wants Aiba so badly that it's like a palpable ache in his chest, can only keep his mind on the lean angles of Aiba's body, thinks about all the ways in which they might fit together.
"Oh!" Aiba's eyes flit to the window, like he's only just realized that it's dark outside. "You'd better hurry, or you'll miss your last train."
Jun lets Aiba hug him goodbye at the door and thinks, Coward, disgustedly at himself.
*
Jun wakes up, disoriented and exhausted, to a loud, shrill noise. He lies still, blinking against the darkness - it's definitely still sometime in the middle of the night - and listens to Nino fumble his way out of the covers on the other side of the bed. He can hear the snick of a zipper being opened and the noise grows louder for a moment before Nino opens his phone.
Jun stays quiet, watching Nino slink out of the bedroom, still naked and stepping carefully in the half-darkness. "Leader, it's almost 4:00AM," Jun hears him complain in a whisper as he moves into the living room.
Jun's awake now, limbs still heavy with sleep and feeling groggy, somewhat pissed off at being woken up. He can still feel the warm indentation in the sheets beside him where Nino had been sleeping.
Nino had never just shown up at his place before, he had always either come with Jun or because Jun had called him over, but he had done just that tonight. There had been about two minutes of awkward silence before Nino had ignored his offer to make some coffee and pressed Jun against the wall, all intense energy and short, biting kisses. Neither of them had said a word after that.
"-just go to bed, okay? You have filming in a few hours. And drink some water." Nino falls silent for awhile and then starts abruptly up again, like he's cutting the other person off. "Fine, yes, I know, I love you too, Oh-chan." Jun can just barely hear him in the silence of the apartment; he can't even imagine Nino's face. He sounds tired, frustrated, patient. "Good night."
Jun closes his eyes when Nino enters the bedroom again. He hears the phone hit the floor somewhere with a soft thump, hears Nino's muttered "Drunken ass," before the covers lift and he slides back into the covers, fitting himself up against Jun's back and wraps one arm loosely around Jun's waist, face buried against the back of Jun's neck.
Jun pretends to still be asleep, feeling Nino's fingers tighten against his hip, tracing restless patterns in Jun's bare skin.
He breathes evenly, slowly and thinks that maybe, he understands a little better now.
Part Two
Author: waxrose
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Nino/Jun with Aiba/Jun (possible Aiba/Jun/Nino in later chapters?) and implications of Ohno/Nino
Length: ~2,000 words
Author's Notes: A small birthday gift for aoimidori - I love you lots, hun, and I hope that you have a fabulous day! ♥
Summary: A remix of this drabble, originally done for aoimidori. S-sorry, it's a bit angsty. Okay, REALLY kind of angsty. ;____; I want to keep this going - and you know, make it LESS ANGSTY, so it'll actually be a multi-chapter fic (something I haven't done since two fandoms ago, horrors! :D), but here's the first part. :)
Oh my, I don't mind
Being the other guy
Nice try, for these games
I do not have the time
If you want me, call me
Come and take a risk
Kiss me somewhere deep below the surface - "Little of Your Time" - Maroon5
The only thing that Jun is certain of is that they never talk about it.
He thinks about it sometimes, like now, when Nino's skin is hot, pressing against him, all his angles and corners sharp against Jun. There's no slow-down, no words beyond the almost-hiss of a name, muttered instructions, just the pull of reaction without thought.
Their eyes meet only for a flashing second as Jun hovers uncertainly above Nino, and it's just before Jun pushes into him that he thinks over Nino's low, keening moan that it's because there are no words to talk about what exactly they are doing - or rather, why - because neither of them are really sure.
He loves Nino, with that heartfelt deep tug at his soul that he feels for all of Arashi. None of them are complete without each other, not because it's made to be that way, but because they've been a part of each other for so long that things cannot possibly be any different now. And Nino loves him for all the same, uncomplicated reasons - but that's different, you see, they can talk about that, even if they usually have to be completely drunk before they do.
So it's not that this is unspoken because it's embarrassing, or because there's no feelings behind it. Jun thinks maybe, maybe they both don't know why - why they started, why he needs this so badly, why Nino sought him out in the first place all those months ago (after a long night of drinking, eyes bright as his fingers skim the beat of Jun's pulse on his wrist, leans a little too close, eyes full of wanting for something he's sure he's allowed if he pushes just a little - ) and he's afraid to speak to it, even if just because it might mean the end of it altogether. Nino is still closed-off, still reserved, silent and watchful and cautious even as he kisses Jun softly, even as his fingers skim up Jun's sides almost lightly enough to be ticklish.
It's really who they both are, to leave a thing like this alone and just let it be what it is. Nino's fingers tighten on Jun's waist as their movements grow more frantic, and there's no sound but their quickened breaths in the quiet dark of Jun's bedroom.
*
It's a good thing that they don't have to be at the studio until noon today, because Jun wakes up feeling incredibly lazy, stretching out his legs under the sheets and rubbing his bare toes against the cool fabric.
He can hear his shower running and he lies in bed, arms crossed behind his head on the pillow until Nino emerges, hair still dripping wet and only wearing a pair of Jun's sweatpants. They're too long on him. He's rolled them up around his ankles, tied them tight about his hips to keep them from slipping.
"Good morning," Jun says, surprised by how normal his voice sounds.
"'Morning." Nino sorts absentmindedly through the pile of his clothes on Jun's floor. "How's your head?"
"I didn't drink that much." With his glasses on, he can see that Nino still looks tired, and he isn't surprised, they didn't stumble into Jun's place until going on 3:00AM and they spent at least a good hour fucking after that. "How much time until we have to leave?"
"Enough for you to make me breakfast," Nino says cheerfully, and Jun takes that as his cue to throw a pillow at Nino's head.
Sho is the only one waiting when they arrive. Jun waves at him before going to hang up his jacket in the corner. Sho is reading a newspaper, but he smiles and puts it aside when Nino greets him with a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek and slides into his lap comfortably. "You look like you had a rough night," he tells Nino, poking gently at the bags under his eyes with a finger.
"Went drinking with some magicians," Nino says and Jun is once again struck by the ease of his lies. "I didn't get much sleep."
Sho laughs, rubbing under Nino's eyes with his thumbs lightly, as though he can smooth the bags away like that. "Was it fun?"
"I learned some new tricks." Nino's eyes slide to Jun and Jun looks away under the pretense of looking for something in his bag, feeling a shiver creep along his skin.
It's just like any other day, but Jun can't quite shake his wonder at how they slide back into themselves. Maybe if it had happened just once they'd both be easier about it, that's something you can laugh off, realize as a night of drunken fumbling with nostalgia and feel at ease being able to pin it down in it's place in your memory, noted and past and fully explained. But it's been four, five times now and it makes Jun feel a bit like things are spiraling out from the realm of the comfortable with no sure roadmap.
He tucks that aside as everyone arrives and the briefing begins. Of all of them, Aiba is the most awake and energetic, laughing loudly in Nino's ear until Nino playfully smacks him, stealing Sho's newspaper and reading out the headlines in an accent until the staff politely ask him to settle down. He pulls his chair next to Jun's while they all listen, almost leaning into Jun. Across the table, next to Nino, the only sign Ohno is giving of being awake is his half-open eyes and Jun's not sure that's the best indicator.
"Are you okay?" Aiba asks later, during a break. Jun starts and looks up to see Aiba holding out a hot cup of coffee to him. Jun accepts it and takes a sip, avoiding Aiba's eyes.
"Just tired."
Aiba strokes Jun's bangs back from his face, carefully, like he half-expects his hand to be swatted away. His fingers are warm and Jun tries not to twitch against his touch.
"Are you free for dinner?" Aiba draws his hands back, tucks them casually into the back pockets of his jeans. "There's a new restaurant a few blocks from here that I want to try."
"Yeah." Jun wraps his fingers around the paper cup, insides warming when Aiba smiles down at him, bright and pleased. "Yeah, that's fine."
*
Aiba was Jun's first time (well, with a guy, it's not like Jun was a virgin), not that Jun thought of it as The First at the time. It was more like 'That Time', something he hadn't seen coming, something that he didn't really think would repeat itself. He had gone into it fully aware of the situation, but somewhat lost at how to react to Aiba's eagerness, Aiba's warm laughter and long fingers moving confidently against Jun's skin.
It had been good - unsettling and more than a little awkward the next day at work for a few minutes, but Jun had only good memories of Aiba's warm lips, his certainty and how cute he looked in the morning, blinking sleepily at him, with slightly tousled hair.
They were younger than, and Jun still remembers those days with a vague pang of sympathy for his younger self, awkward and sharp and wanting so much he wasn't sure he could have.
It's been years now, and Jun is long past not admitting to himself how Aiba figures into things. He's older now, a bit less awkward around the edges and he's somewhat settled it inside himself what exactly scared his younger self about the hot flutter in his stomach when Sho smiled at him or Ohno complimented his dancing.
But that doesn't make things any easier. If anything, it makes them harder, because Jun knows what he wants and what it means, and it's the difference between being pushed into a swimming pool unawares and diving into the deep end headfirst. It's the conscious act that rattles Jun, especially since Aiba's never really talked about it since, in his casual way that means he doesn't want to let Jun think they'll ever change around each other no matter what. Aiba means well by it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Jun follows Aiba home after dinner, listens to him prattle on about filming Childminder the other day with Ohno, about the new CD that he bought, about the little old woman who tried to hug him on the train that morning. He tries to act normal and attentive, but he's almost afraid that Aiba can see the uneasy set of his shoulders, the way he struggles to speak casually when his mind feels heavy and rushed.
He relaxes back, lets his arm rest against Aiba's shoulders, their knees bumping together a little when Jun draws his legs up on the sofa. He watches Aiba's lips when he talks, the lightning -quick flutter of his eyelashes when he blinks. Jun wonders, for a brief moment, about leaning forward and pressing his lips to Aiba's. He imagines the way Aiba's eyes would widen in momentary surprise, the softness of his lips.
He wants to, wants Aiba so badly that it's like a palpable ache in his chest, can only keep his mind on the lean angles of Aiba's body, thinks about all the ways in which they might fit together.
"Oh!" Aiba's eyes flit to the window, like he's only just realized that it's dark outside. "You'd better hurry, or you'll miss your last train."
Jun lets Aiba hug him goodbye at the door and thinks, Coward, disgustedly at himself.
*
Jun wakes up, disoriented and exhausted, to a loud, shrill noise. He lies still, blinking against the darkness - it's definitely still sometime in the middle of the night - and listens to Nino fumble his way out of the covers on the other side of the bed. He can hear the snick of a zipper being opened and the noise grows louder for a moment before Nino opens his phone.
Jun stays quiet, watching Nino slink out of the bedroom, still naked and stepping carefully in the half-darkness. "Leader, it's almost 4:00AM," Jun hears him complain in a whisper as he moves into the living room.
Jun's awake now, limbs still heavy with sleep and feeling groggy, somewhat pissed off at being woken up. He can still feel the warm indentation in the sheets beside him where Nino had been sleeping.
Nino had never just shown up at his place before, he had always either come with Jun or because Jun had called him over, but he had done just that tonight. There had been about two minutes of awkward silence before Nino had ignored his offer to make some coffee and pressed Jun against the wall, all intense energy and short, biting kisses. Neither of them had said a word after that.
"-just go to bed, okay? You have filming in a few hours. And drink some water." Nino falls silent for awhile and then starts abruptly up again, like he's cutting the other person off. "Fine, yes, I know, I love you too, Oh-chan." Jun can just barely hear him in the silence of the apartment; he can't even imagine Nino's face. He sounds tired, frustrated, patient. "Good night."
Jun closes his eyes when Nino enters the bedroom again. He hears the phone hit the floor somewhere with a soft thump, hears Nino's muttered "Drunken ass," before the covers lift and he slides back into the covers, fitting himself up against Jun's back and wraps one arm loosely around Jun's waist, face buried against the back of Jun's neck.
Jun pretends to still be asleep, feeling Nino's fingers tighten against his hip, tracing restless patterns in Jun's bare skin.
He breathes evenly, slowly and thinks that maybe, he understands a little better now.
Part Two